The Friend Zone
by Neuship
Summary: Season 3. Haunted by the kiss in Knockdown, Castle is tired of being stuck in the friend zone. Is it possible for him to find a happy ending with Kate? Story goes AU from Knockdown. Josh makes a brief appearance, but this is all about Rick and Kate. Rated M for a reason. Mild angst in later chapters but I believe in happy endings.
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: Don't own the characters or world, just playing for fun, not profit.

**CHAPTER ONE: Reflection**

That kiss. It's been weeks since it happened, but every night he relives those few moments in his dreams. During the day when he's with her it's all he can think about. Never has something so simple affected him so profoundly. When he suggested the ruse, he never intended to take it as far they did. But he saw everything going south so quickly and acted before he could think it through.

The moment his lips touched hers he was lost. The soft, full texture of her lips haunt his dreams. The whisper of her breath on his causes his chest to painfully clench. The brush of her hair on his hand as he turned her face towards his has him reaching for her at the oddest of times. And the look in her eyes as they broke apart haunts him. His heart stuttered and stopped before racing ahead, out of control, as he realized that he could never fully prepare for the affect she has on him. His body clenched painfully, erect in an instant, at the merest touch of her lips on his. He gets hard just thinking about it.

And then her response. He knows she'll deny it, to him and probably even to herself. But she dove into that second kiss. The feel of her hands grabbing at him and her mouth nipping at his lower lip is a memory he'll cherish. Her tongue greedily pushing for entrance and tangling with his made him ache. Her taste, sweet and tangy, made him thirst for more. And how can he forget that soft, low moan of desire and need, followed by her running her hands through his hair, while she pushed her body into his. If thinking about the kiss gets him hard, the echo of that moan nearly gets him off every time. His most prurient fantasies paled in comparison to one simple kiss.

A few heartbeats have rocked his world. Thinking back, he's kicking himself for his response – how could he let her so easily dismiss what clearly flared between them? He's never felt such passion, such a connection, from a simple kiss. Sighing, depressed, he answers himself: Josh. She's with Josh. And he has no right or claim to her. If only…

That's the story of his life with her. If only. If only he had asked her out himself – and kept asking her out until she agreed. If only he hadn't delved into her mother's case and driven a wedge between them. If only he hadn't green-lighted Demming. If only he had the guts to tell her how he feels. But she put him squarely in the friend zone and he didn't push his way out of it. And now there's Josh and he has no right to interfere with that.

Every time he thinks of Josh he gets angry and a little more heartbroken. Thinking about her with that smug bastard tears him apart. His only solace is the knowledge that she responded to him. He's not a fool. He knows she was as stunned by their kiss as he was. He saw her eyes dilate with passion. He tasted her – she was the one to tangle her tongue with his. He felt the hard points of her breasts pushing against his chest and that one little hitch of her groin pushing into him, rubbing up against his erection right before she took out the guard. That look of utter shock and disbelief on her face before they hurried to rescue Ryan and Esposito lets him know she wasn't as unaffected as she pretended. But ever since, she's been acting like it never happened and he's too cowardly to bring it up. He suspects that saying anything will cause her to kick him out of the precinct and out of her life for good. And that's not a risk he can take.

If only things were different. He constantly wonders whether things could be different – he's obsessed over her for months, maybe even years. He's gotten so used to second-guessing himself when it comes to her that he's not sure whether he's reading the situation correctly. He thought he detected more than a little jealousy when Natalie Rhodes was at the precinct. And she did ask him why he didn't sleep with her – at least the Natalie version of her. Even though she's with Josh he thinks she has feelings for him. That's one of the reasons he broke up with Gina. He couldn't lie to himself anymore. He didn't want Gina. She was nothing more than a diversion, someone familiar to fill the space and hold onto while he licked his wounds after being rejected by Beckett in favor of Demming. Every time he thinks the signs are there he gets his hopes up, only to have them crushed. Wondering whether he's just kidding himself, he leans back in his seat, cup of coffee cradled between his hands, lost in reflection. He believes he'll forever be stuck as her friend and partner, but nothing more.

From across the room a pair of dark eyes watch him. Seeing the slump to his shoulders, the deep circles under his eyes and the haggard lines on his face, she realizes that Castle in repose looks like a defeated man. His larger than life persona is nowhere to be found. Instead, he just looks depressed and tired. Realizing she's never seen him when he's not animated and in motion, she takes a moment to contemplate the more serious looking man across the room. The man-child has hidden depths. Making a decision, she walks over to him, interrupting his solitude.

He jumps when he hears a familiar voice.

"Hey Castle, mind if I join you?" Surprised, a little taken aback, he looks up to see Lanie at his table.

"Uh, sure. Have a seat. What brings you down here?"

Sipping her tea, Lanie responds, "Even I need a break once in awhile, Castle." Looking him over more carefully, she thinks she should tiptoe her way into the conversation. But she's never been one to tiptoe so she takes him on in her usual direct fashion

"What has you looking like you lost your last friend in the world?" she asks, eyes boring into his, a hint of sympathy in her expression.

Sighing, he deflects, not wanting to get into it. "It's nothing Lanie. Just a long day."

"This wouldn't have anything to do with a certain brunette now, would it?" she persists, a knowing look on her face.

He knows Lanie and Kate are best friends, but he feels like Lanie has always been pushing him towards Kate. He wonders if she knows something he doesn't. "I can't talk about this with you Lanie." He finally responds, intent on protecting his heart from further humiliation.

Softening, recognizing the signs of heartbreak, Lanie thinks for a minute before saying, "You know, it's not as hopeless as you think." Seeing his look of disbelief, she continues. "She cares for you. She just can't admit it to herself."

"She told you that?" he asks, surprised.

Sighing, she figures she's already gone this far so she may as well get this off her chest. "No. But we've been friends for a long time and I know her better than she'd like me to. I see the way she looks at you when you're not paying attention. I hear how she talks about you and her face lights up when she jokes with you. She likes you more than she wants to."

"Oh, please Lanie, we're just friends. You know that. She's that way with you and the boys too." He can't believe what Lanie is trying to tell him.

"Nuh-uh. It's different with you. She's not like that with anyone but you. You're good for her. But she's gotten so used to pushing people away she doesn't even know she's doing it. I know it can be hard, but don't give up on her yet. I have a feeling about you two."

Filled with hope, Castle's spirits lift, only to plummet back to earth.

"Thanks Lanie. But I think you're forgetting about Josh. She's with him now. I missed my chance."

"Don't be so sure about that Castle. Her relationships never last for more than six months or so. She always finds a reason to bail at that point. I have a feeling Josh is only a short-term problem." Realizing she's revealed more than she should, Lanie hurries to extract a promise. "But you can't tell her I told you any of this and if you do, I'll deny it. You need to quit playing around and decide if you're serious about her. If you are, then you need to let her know. You'll have to be brave enough to not let her push you away or hold you at arm's length. If there's anyone who has a chance to break through her reserve, its you." Glancing at her watch, Lanie stands. "I've got to get back to work. See you later Castle. And think about what I said."


	2. Chapter 2: Deja Vu

**CHAPTER TWO: Deja Vu**

The scent of stale cigarette smoke lingers in the air. The walls have yellowed with age, nicks and dings marking the careless passage of others over time. Faded green carpeting, stained and lumpy, complete the picture of a run-down apartment complex, its glory days a forgotten memory. Following Kate's lead, Castle looks around at the dimly lit hallway. Nerves stretched thin, senses alert, he gets a bad feeling about the situation they're walking into. Wishing he had his vest on, he can only hope the tip they received about the low level drug dealer's location was false. They'd been just around the corner when they got the call. Not wanting to waste time, Beckett told Ryan and Esposito they'd check it out. It wasn't supposed to be dangerous, but something didn't feel right to him. He knew they were simply trying to locate the dealer so he could be put under surveillance, but something was off.

Slowing down as they near the end of the hallway, Beckett turns back to Castle, repeating what she'd told him earlier. "Remember, we don't want to spook him. If he's here, we can't make contact. We just have to locate him so we can get a team to follow him. We'll have to be inconspicuous. Okay? Our contact said he'll be on the move shortly, so we have to blend in."

"Sure. Right. Okay." He babbles nervously, wondering how she's planning to do that. He may be in jeans and have ditched his jacket, but he doesn't exactly look like a resident of the building. She at least fits in a little more, her battered leather jacket and jeans looking more appropriate for the locale.

Hearing a door open down the hall and seeing someone linger there, Beckett glances over her shoulder. Not wanting to draw attention to herself, she steps into Castle and whispers "Is that him?"

Looking over her shoulder, he tries to make out the man's features. "I'm not sure. I can't really see him yet."

"Okay. Just go with it." she responds.

Before he realizes what's happening, she pushes him up against the wall. Reaching one hand behind his neck, she raises up on her tiptoes and fuses her mouth with his while pushing her body into his chest and arms. Immediately understanding her play, he instinctively responds. Reaching for her, he puts his hands on her hips and pulls her into his body before banding one arm firmly around her back. Opening up to her, he lets his tongue tangle with hers. Eyes slamming shut at the first taste of her, he feels lightning race through his veins, igniting a fire within him, as he pours himself into the kiss. Feeling his body's immediate response, he tries to keep his groin apart, not wanting to force his body's enthusiastic response upon her.

Pulling back, she asks "Is that him?" under her breath. With his eyes closed, he has no idea. Realizing he's going to be useless at keeping an eye out for their target, she flips their positions, pressing her back into the wall. Reaching behind him, she moves her hands down to his ass, cupping his cheeks before pulling him flush into her body, urging him with her mouth, hands and body to get closer. Moaning at the new contact, he begins trailing kisses down her neck, wanting only to explore her more fully, seeking out the secrets of her body. It's their undercover kiss all over again, except now she's pushing them into even greater intimacy. Following her lead, he takes everything she offers and pushes for more. An involuntary moan is torn from her. He feels the hard points of her breasts pushing into his chest. She begins moving against him, rubbing herself against his erection, increasing his desire for her. He feels his cock throbbing at the contact, wanting nothing more than to push into her and feel her wetness. Trying to regain his composure, he holds still. Then he feels a leg snake around his, climbing his leg until she has opened her center to him and wrapped her leg around his hip. Not needing any further invitation, he thrusts against her center once, hard, dragging another moan from her. Feeling her squeeze his butt harder, pulling him into her, he begins gently thrusting against her, a quick and dirty rhythm designed to get her off. Diving back into the kiss, he dares to let his hand move from her hip up her side. Feeling her twist towards his hand, he looks at her for permission, his fingers brushing the underside of her breast. Seeing her quick little nod, he closes his hand over her flesh, seeking out the pebbled center as he dives back in for another kiss. She pushes into his hand, urging him on, letting him feel her body's response to his touch.

Lost in the sensations, he feels himself getting embarrassingly close to an orgasm as they hump each other against the wall. Not wanting to miss a moment, he looks deeply into her eyes, seeing her pupils dilated with passion, her cheeks flushed and dewy. Her tongue tangles with his as her hand drifts forward, reaching between his legs, cupping his balls and testing his length as he continues to thrust against her.

"A little more" she moans, seemingly desperate for release. Feeling the same sense of urgency, he pinches her nipple more firmly between his fingers as she wraps both of her legs around him, bringing them into even greater contact, hard to soft, desperately fucking against the wall through their clothes. Knowing he can't stop, he desperately works against her. Feeling her body quiver, he senses her release taking her over the edge. Mouths still fused, he swallows the sounds she makes, his own release triggered by the sensations assaulting his senses.

He vaguely hears someone say "Get a room!" as a buzzing sound fills his ears.

Sweating profusely, chest heaving, he jerks awake, the sound of his alarm clock ripping him from his dream. Disoriented, heart pounding, he slowly comes to his senses. Recalling every vivid detail of his wet dream, their kiss continues to haunt him in his sleep, his body craving a more complete experience. Ruefully, he realizes his body already achieved satisfaction, so he's at least spared a quick hand job. Knowing she reduces him to the lusty teenager he once was, he sighs, wishing she didn't have such power over him. Resigned, he gets up and heads to the shower, contemplating another day in Beckett's presence as her friend and partner.


	3. Chapter 3: Batter Up

**CHAPTER THREE: Batter Up**

Walking down the avenue, Kate thinks back over the past few weeks. She's been restless, unsettled. She's looking forward to her day off. She was able to sleep in – or at least as late as one would expect when your boyfriend has surgery scheduled at 10. She'd spent the night at his place, a rare night together when neither got called into work.

They'd had a nice evening together – a simple meal, a glass of wine, good conversation. She found his descriptions of hospital life a refreshing break from the dark and cynical world she deals with every day. But he was also talking about scheduling another relief trip to Haiti next month. She admires his dedication to providing medical care in impoverished nations. But she often wonders whether he can feel that same type of dedication to her. And whether she even wants him to.

Thinking about Josh leaves her uneasy. She can't pinpoint what it is that has her second-guessing their relationship. On the surface, he's everything she wants: smart, good-looking, with a thriving career. He has managed to find success on his own terms. He knows who he is and can be very attentive when they're together. When she first met him, he didn't really register with her. Her initial impression was of someone tall and kind, with a nice smile, but forgettable. She really didn't give any thought to the man providing her with information about a witness's condition. So when he called, it took her a moment to place him. She was even more surprised when he asked her out. She wasn't looking to get involved. But his interest was flattering and he caught her in a weak moment. His obvious good looks and easy smile were appealing and she found herself agreeing to have dinner with him. He continued to seek her out on those odd nights when their schedules matched up. A few dinners out together and the chase was on.

Those first few weeks were exciting. It had been awhile since she'd allowed herself to get involved with someone and he was easy to be around. He didn't pressure her like so many others in the past. His busy schedule matched hers and he seemed to understand when she'd get called away unexpectedly for work. Before she knew it, they were seeing a lot of each other and she accidentally found herself in a relationship with him.

It took awhile before she let one thing lead to another. After being celibate for so long, her body was eager for intimacy. But she'd long since outgrown casual sex and was careful about sharing her bed with someone. Their initial fireworks boded well for their future. She had to admit that having his smoking hot body available for playtime was nice, at first. But that initial flare of desire cooled much faster than she expected. If she was being honest with herself, there was something missing. While he made all the right moves, they left her flat. She found herself retreating into her mind and her fantasies before she can respond. She just doesn't feel that heat and there's something almost clinical about his performance. Sometimes she even wonders if he's even aware of who he's in bed with.

She admits that she isn't any better. She's been using work as an excuse to avoid spending the evening with him, preferring instead to have breakfast or lunch dates. She likes his company - she just doesn't want the intimacy. On those nights when they're together, she sometimes avoids sex altogether or deploys tricks she's picked up along the way to hurry him along. He seems oblivious to her ambivalent feelings, which makes her wonder about their future. She's still holding a part of herself back, but she honestly didn't know if that would change with anyone else. Except maybe… Her mind flashes back to a different kiss that had more heat than she wants to admit. Before the thought fully forms, she suppresses it, knowing it will only lead to more questions she isn't prepared to confront. Putting her disturbing thoughts aside, Kate decides to focus on the positive for the rest of the day.

X X X

Walking through the doors of a local coffee shop, she checks the time and discovers she's a few minutes early. She's meeting her dad, but he's not there yet. By default, she orders coffee for both of them, filling the time until he arrives. He arrives just as her order is ready. Picking up the to-go cups, she walks over to him, giving him a hug along with his beverage.

"Hi Dad." With a rush of love for her dad, she grins, glad they've finally managed to carve out some time together.

Returning her hug, he gives her an extra squeeze before he responds. "Hey Katie. It's good to see you. Thanks for the coffee."

"Sure. You ready?" she asks

"Let's go." He responds with a smile, linking his arm through hers.

They make their way to the subway station together, heading to Yankee Stadium for a day game. Part of their tradition is to go to the stadium early to watch the batting practice. They both like to get lost in the experience together. It's one of the few rituals where they have always been completely at ease with each other, even during the most difficult times.

After arriving at the stadium, Kate drinks in the atmosphere. The bright green grass of the outfield contrasts sharply with the dark blue seats, dots of color interspersed throughout as other early arrivals mill about. Bright white lines intersect the reddish brown infield, snaking into the outfield, clearly demarcating the stage for the drama that will later unfold. Taking a deep breath, Kate smells freshly mown grass and the aroma of hot dogs, peanuts and popcorn mingling, immediately transporting her to other days gone by. Some of her fondest memories involve going to a game with her dad. Every once in a while, her mom would join them, although that was rare. They only managed a couple of games a year, but those hours she'd spend at the park were cherished.

They'd always arrive early, grab a hot dog and coke, before settling down in the bleachers during batting practice. If they were lucky, someone would launch a ball into their section. On a few occasions, Kate found herself with a souvenir to take home. But the best part of the games involved sitting with her dad, one on one, talking about their lives while watching the drama unfold on the field. There was something so natural about sharing with each other while watching baseball.

Today starts out like so many other times. After grabbing their hot dogs, they make their way to the bleachers. After finding a spot to sit, her dad pulls the mitts out of his backpack and passes one to her. Taking their time, they munch on their hot dogs and keep an eye on the players as batting practice continues. They've arrived a little later than usual, so most of the players are already back in the locker room. Although a few balls are hit into the bleachers, none are all that close to them. Content to laze away the time, they sit in the sunshine, relishing the cool breeze wafting their way.

After the last player hits, they watch the staff clear away all the extra equipment. Knowing they have at least another hour before the game, they stroll around the stadium, looking at all the photos and placards recounting the storied history of the team. Pictures of past players trigger memories of other games, causing them to fondly reminisce over others days like this. Content, Kate relaxes more and more. There's just something so timeless about being at a ballgame with your dad.

As the stadium starts to fill, Kate reluctantly suggests, "Maybe we should go find our seats."

"All right. I wouldn't mind sitting down for awhile. Where did you say we were sitting?" Jim responds.

"I don't really know. Castle got me the tickets when he heard me calling. Knowing him, they'll be good seats."

True to her prediction, with the help of an usher they find themselves being escorted to seats right behind the dugout, even with first base bag, about eight rows back. They're so close to the Yankee dugout they can hear the players talking to each other as they warm up before the game. Pulling out their gloves again, her dad passes Kate's glove to her.

"I guess it's a good thing we brought these." He grins. "You'll have to thank Rick for me. This is a real treat - I don't' think I've ever sat so close before. I feel like I'm part of the game!"

Reacting with the same kind of glee, Kate reaches over and spontaneously hugs her dad. "I'll let him know. He's thoughtful like that. I'm so glad we're doing this today. I miss spending time with you."

"Me, too." Jim hugs her back, content in a way he hasn't felt in ages. Sitting back, they listen in on the pre-game chatter of the team and greet others as the seats fill up. After standing for the national anthem, they settle in, excited to see the Yankees/Tigers battle it out. After the game begins, Jim starts in on another part of their tradition. "So tell me how things are going, Katie. What's going on in your life? Are you still seeing Josh?"

Knowing this conversation was inevitable, she resigns herself to his subtle inquisition as the ball game begins. "I'm still seeing him." She confirms.

"What's it been, 3 months ?" he asks"

"Actually, its closer to five now." She admits, still a little surprised by how much time has passed since she began seeing him.

"Am I going to get to meet him?" he queries, curious whether he's important enough for Kate to introduce them.

"I don't know. His schedule is pretty busy and he's thinking about another relief trip to Haiti which will take him away for a few months." She dodges his real question.

"Is he a keeper?" he probes, still trying to figure out how she really feels about him.

Giving in, she responds. "I don't know, Dad. I know we've been dating awhile, but it doesn't seem like it's been all that long."

"Well, Katie, when it's the right person, a few weeks with them can make you feel like you've known them for years." He tells her.

Thinking about his words, she realizes he isn't following her meaning. "That's not what I mean. I feel like I know a lot about Josh but sometimes I feel like he doesn't have a clue who I am. "

Sitting back quietly for a few minutes, they watch the action of the game unfold. A 2 run home run puts the Yankees ahead. Letting it ride for a few minutes, he watches the action on the field before picking up the threads of their conversation.

"I know you have a hard time opening up. I'm afraid that's partially my fault. I know I let you down after your mom died. I'd give anything to change what happened."

"No, Dad, its not that. " she interrupts, not wanting him to feel responsible. "I just….it's just….I don't know that he's the guy for me. I mean, I like him, but I feel like we're just really different people. And while I've enjoyed getting to know him, I just don't feel like he's all that interested in knowing the real me." Thinking her way through what she's saying, she realizes "It's like I fit this criteria he has of what he's looking for. But he doesn't show much interest in my work, he doesn't really want to meet the people I work with. He's content to drift. And I'm not much different. I don't really miss him that much when he's not around. I don't know, it just feels so…superficial." she finishes.

"Maybe that's your answer, Katie. You know, it's different for everyone, so I can only tell you what I know. When I met your mom, I knew right away she was the one for me. I was dazzled by her. When she was in the room, it's like everyone else just disappeared." Smiling, he thinks back to their early days.

Ruefully he admits, "It took me a long time to work up the courage to ask her out. It was probably for the best because that gave me the time to get to know her as a friend. And the more I got to know, the more I wanted to know. We took things slowly. It seemed like we were on the same wavelength. There was just this connection we had – it was electric."

Chuckling, he tells her "When I finally asked her out, she asked me what took me so long. It was just one more thing we could laugh about." Pausing, he looks Kate straight in the eye, wanting her to hear what he's saying. "I'd never experienced anything like what I felt for her, before or since. I miss her every single day. But I wouldn't give up the time I had with her for anything."

Thinking back to how her parents had been, Kate knows he's speaking the truth. Sometimes her parents were so attuned to each other that she almost felt like an outsider. But even though they made a complete unit together, they always had room for her. She missed that feeling of belonging, of pure, unconditional love.

Even though she misses her mom every day, she can think about her now without always being so sad. But there were times, like now, when she wishes she could talk to her. There were so many things over the years she wanted to ask her mom about being a woman. She felt like she had just been coming into her own when her mom was abruptly yanked away from her. Thinking how differently the conversation might be if her mom was there makes her sad. Not wanting to spoil the rest of the afternoon, she changes the subject and asks her dad about his latest class action as the game plays on.

Seeing through her, but knowing he's made his point, Jim lets her change the subject. By the eighth inning, the Yankees have the game firmly in hand, a six run lead over the Tigers. Knowing their time is coming to a close, Jim decides to stir the pot a little.

"So what's going on with Rick these days? Aside from getting us the tickets, what else has he been up to? Is he still following you around at the precinct?" Jim asks.

"Castle?" she asks, a little surprised by the topic. Smiling easily now, she tells her dad. "He's good. Same as usual. He comes in pretty regularly. Drives me crazy with his bizarre theories."

"Is he writing another book?" Jim asks, not letting her off the hook. "What was his last book, "Naked Heat?"

Geez, talk about uncomfortable. Blushing, a little off balance, she ducks her head before responding. "Yeah. He said he's almost done with the next one. They're making a movie, too. It's quite the franchise."

"Have you ever wondered if there's something there with you two?" her dad asks, knowing he's pushing his luck.

Face flaming, she immediately thinks about their kiss. How quickly that spark turned into an inferno, racing through her blood. Shrugging it off, she looks at her dad and sees a little twinkle in his eye. "Seriously, Dad?"

"Well, come on Katie. If I can't ask you, who can? Think about it. The man has written several books about you and spends his days following you around. It seems like there may be more to your unconventional partnership than you're willing to admit. It's been a couple of years now, so it's a logical question." Knowing he's pushed as far as he should, he falls silent, waiting her out.

Looking away, she watches the pitcher wind up. "I don't know, Dad. Castle and I are just friends." Remembering the kiss, and how she felt when she saw him with Gina, she amends, "It's complicated."

"It doesn't have to be Katie." He tells her. Reaching over, he gives her a one-armed hug, thinking he's said enough.

Lost in her thoughts, wondering if maybe something with Castle was still possible, she wishes life was as simple as it seems when she was watching a game with her dad.


	4. Chapter 4: Deflated

**CHAPTER FOUR: Deflated**

Waking with a start, Kate's heart is pounding. Her fight or flight reflexes cause adrenalin to surge through her body. What pulled her out of a deep sleep? Looking over at the nightstand, she sees the clock glowing. It's a little after 2:00 a.m. Grabbing her phone, she determines there aren't any missed text messages or phone calls. Uneasy, she reaches in her nightstand for her gun, wondering why her senses are tingling.

Listening carefully, she's greeted only by silence. Then she hears something different - a scraping noise and a bump. Getting out of bed, she cautiously sweeps through her apartment, turning on lights as she goes, only to find everything as she left it when she went to bed. Just as her tension eases, someone briefly pounds on her door, startling her. Slowly, carefully, she eases her way to the side of the frame. Looking through the peephole, she relaxes as she recognizes the person on the other side. Slipping the safety on her gun, she stows it out of sight before unlocking her door.

"Josh, what are you doing here?" she asks, clearly surprised to see him.

"Hey Babe. I was in the neighborhood and thought I'd stop by." He grins at her.

Eyes a little bloodshot, hair ruffled, he grabs her and pulls her in for a kiss. The faint smell of beer on his breath catches her by surprise. He'd said he had to work tonight, but it's clear he's been out and about. Knowing its what's expected, she lets him kiss her.

As she leans into him, her mind flashes back to another kiss, with another man, just a few short weeks ago. Conflicted, she realizes with stark clarity that her dad was right. She has feelings for Castle. Feeling nothing from Josh's kiss, she can't help but compare her lack of response now to how she felt when Castle kissed her.

Wanting it to be different, she puts more effort into the kiss with Josh, trying to build something more meaningful between them. Combatting his urgency, she tries to soothe him with her mouth and tongue. But he misinterprets her response. Thinking she's into it, he opens his mouth and tries to consume her, grinding his lips into hers, slobbering a little on her chin, teeth gnashing uncomfortably against her, bruising her lips. Body following suit, his meaty hands grab and squeeze her ass just a little too hard, as he pulls her into his erection, before grinding against her, letting her feel his desire. Feeling repulsed, knowing she led him on a little, she pushes against him, wanting to put an end to this before it gets out of hand.

"Josh, you're drunk. You need to stop." Sighing, knowing it's never going to work, she pushes him back, creating space between them.

"Oh, don't be that way Babe. Let's have a little fun. You know you always enjoy it." Reaching out for her again, he grabs at the neckline of her t-shirt with one hand, pulling her towards him while trying to pull it down enough so he can grab her tits, "You like it when I touch you, you know you do. Let's get naked."

Arrogant, unaware, he bulldozes over her objections. Unzipping his pants, he reaches inside and grabs his dick, his large hands dwarfing its modest size. "Come on, Kate, let me feel your hands and mouth on me. I want to feel you around me."

Thinking back to a time when she didn't mind exploring his body, she realizes that the thought of being with him holds no appeal, even if he were sober. With a flash of insight, she realizes that while she likes sex, she doesn't like it with him nearly as much as she should. What's more, his crude advances are starting to piss her off. Since when has she become a quick fuck when he's drunk and feels like it? Knowing she should have put an end to their relationship much earlier, feeling a little guilty for stringing him along, she steps back and tries again.

"Josh! Listen to me. You need to stop. It's time for you to go. Don't embarrass yourself any more than you already have." The sharp tone in her voice doesn't seem to connect with him.

Eyes focused on her body, he doesn't see the flash of danger in her eyes. Pulling his shirt up to flash his six pack of abs before fingering his dick some more, he laughs and tries again. "C'mon. Don't be that way, Babe. I can slow down and make it good for you. I'm already up and ready to play. Don't be a killjoy." His begging is annoying.

Backing up, putting a little more steel into her voice, she barks out. "No, Josh. It's not happening." With a quiet, ominous tone in her voice he'd do well to heed, she grits out a warning. "You need to listen carefully. We're done. I don't want to see you anymore. It's time for you to leave."

Sobering up a little at the tone of her voice he steps back and really looks at her. When his eyes meet hers, he realizes she is very angry – more angry than he's ever seen her. Backpedaling, realizing he's miscalculated, he raises his hands in supplication. "Kate? Whoa – what? What'd I do?"

Pausing, he considers. "I'm sorry, I know I've been drinking, but don't you think you're overreacting?" he asks.

"No, Josh. This just isn't working. You know that." She replies, stating what's been obvious to her for awhile.

"No, Kate. That's not true. We're good together."

"We're not Josh and you know it. Don't tell me you haven't noticed."

"C'mon Kate. Just give us a chance. I've been patient. I've let you set the pace. We can make this work." Placating her, he tries to set things right. Looking him over, she thinks he just looks pathetic. Seeing the effect her words have had on his dick, she realizes that there's something almost comical with how quickly he loses his erection. Feeling a sense of detachment, as if she's on the outside watching things unfold, she thinks it's a bad time for her perverse sense of humor to reveal itself. Tamping down firmly on the smirk wanting to break free from his ludicrous appearance, she steels herself for whatever he has to say, determined to finish things tonight.

As if reading her thoughts, he hastily tucks himself back into his briefs and zips his pants back up, apologizing all the while. "I'm sorry, Kate. I didn't mean to be such a jerk. I just missed you so much and wanted to see you and you're always so busy. I feel like we never see each other. I know I've had a few, but we can work this out."

Wishing this wasn't happening in the middle of the night while he was drunk, she knows there's no way around it and steels her resolve. "I'm sorry too, Josh. I should have ended this awhile ago. This just isn't working for me." Feeling as if a weight has been lifted off her shoulders, she repeats, "We're done. It's over. And you need to go. "

Searching her eyes, he realizes she's talking about more than just tonight. Hands at his sides, expression the most serious she's ever seen it, he looks at her, defeated. "I knew this was coming. You've never been that into me. I thought I could change your mind. I thought maybe if we could just spend more time together…Maybe if I tried something different..." Seeing her shaking her head, arms crossed, completely closed off to him, he finally stops. "Shit. Okay. Let's talk in the morning. I'll go."

Letting out the breath she'd been holding, she feels a surge of relief and moves to the door to let him out and lock up after him.

With a kiss on her cheek, he says "I'll see you later" as he heads out the door.


	5. Chapter 5: Valentine's Day

**CHAPTER FIVE: Valentine's Day**

At work the next day, Kate looks over the autopsy report of Victoria Westlake. Feeling a severe headache brewing, she can't help wondering how her life got so screwed up. Last night's fiasco with Josh keeps replaying in her mind. Knowing the break-up was inevitable, she can't help wishing things could have been different. And things at work are tense as well. Knowing Castle's childhood friend is a suspect, she's irritated by his stubborn refusal to even consider the possibility that Damian could be involved. Rolling her shoulders to relieve the tension, she wonders how she's going to walk the line between being his friend and investigating the case the way she knows she must. Grabbing a couple of Advil, she downs them quickly, chasing them with her lukewarm coffee, hoping for some relief from the pounding in her skull.

Hearing the doors to the elevator open, she looks over and sees one of the desk sergeants from downstairs walking in her direction with a bouquet of what must be two dozen red roses in his hands. Sure enough, he stops at her desk and places them on her blotter. "These came for you downstairs, Detective."

"Thanks. Just put them there." Giving him a smile along with her thanks, she sighs, looking at the beautiful bouquet. Knowing they're probably from Josh, she can't help wishing that this was all behind her. When he left last night, she'd expected he probably wasn't ready to give up.

"Well, well, well. Lookie what Beckett's Valentine sent her." Esposito sings. Coming over to her desk, he buries his nose in the bouquet. "Don't they smell nice. And just what did you have to do to get such a _large _bouquet?" he asks, teasing her. Taking his big brother act to the next level, he reaches out for the card, knowing it'll likely give him ammunition to poke at her a bit more.

"Don't even think about it." She growls out, snatching the card out from under his fingers and tucking it in her pocket.

"And just what do you have planned to thank Mr. Tall, Dark and Handsome for these?" he asks, razzing her some more.

"Can it, Espo." She grinds out, uncharacteristically irritated by his teasing. Even though Esposito has no way of knowing what a mess her love life is, she feels bad for snapping at him. But now the boundary has been set and, with a little luck, he won't ask her about it again.

Grabbing her phone and hightailing it to the elevator, Kate leaves the boys behind as she tries to get her bearings. Watching her go, Espo looks at Ryan and asks "Did I say something wrong?" Ryan just shrugs, deciding he'd rather stay out of it.

Once outside, she heads around the corner until she's alone. Pulling out the card, she reads it. "Sorry for being such an ass last night. Please forgive me. Josh."

Huffing out an involuntary laugh, she smiles. As apologies went, it wasn't bad. He'd certainly been an ass. At least he remembered something had happened. Unfortunately for him, she'll always have that mental image of him standing in her apartment with his flaccid penis drooping pathetically as she kicked him out of her life. There's no coming back from that scene, she thinks, hating things got so messed up. Wanting to get it over with quickly, she finds his name and presses the button to call him. He answers on the first ring.

"Kate!" he greets her. "I'm so glad to hear from you."

"Hey Josh." She begins. "I got your roses. You really shouldn't have."

"I'm really sorry about last night. Let me make it up to you." He sounds so sincere.

Knowing she has to be firm, she repeats the words she's already told him. "This isn't going to work Josh. I'm done. I told you that last night."

"Are you really breaking up with me on Valentine's Day?" he asks, trying to guilt her into giving him another chance.

"I really am. I'm sorry. This just isn't working."

"You really meant it, then?" he asks, resigned.

"I did. I know the timing sucks, but this is for the best. You'll find someone else Josh. Someone who can appreciate you." Probably someone with low expectations, she thinks to herself.

"I guess there's nothing left to say, is there…" he realizes, a little bitterness creeping into his words.

"No. Take care, Josh." Hanging up, she gives herself a moment to mourn the passing of yet another unsatisfying relationship. Feeling an overwhelming sense of relief, she can't believe she stuck with him as long as she did. Sometimes being stubborn can be a really bad thing. Not wanting to wallow in self-pity, she gives herself a pep talk and decides to focus on her work. Heading back to the precinct, she tosses the card in a garbage can and begins outlining the next steps for the case in her head.

When the elevator doors open, she immediately spies the flowers sitting front and center on her desk. Sitting in their shadow is a cup of coffee and a pastry bag - Castle's daily offering. Uncharacteristically annoyed, she strides over to the flowers and picks them up. Their perfume is cloying and makes the pounding in her skull worst. And the sight of them jabs at the sore spot that is her love life. Quickly, decisively, she heads into the break room, where she dumps them, vase and all, into the nearest trash receptacle.

Behind her back, Castle and the other detectives look at each other, surprised by her actions. Whispered questions and silent gestures flying between them, it quickly becomes apparent none of them know what is going on. Striding back into the room, Beckett begins tersely handing out assignments, the subject clearly off limits.

X X X

Later that day, after arresting Damian Westlake, Kate walks Castle out of the precinct. He's clearly reeling emotionally, his childlike faith in his boyhood friend lost. The turn of events has him second-guessing himself. Knowing Castle's depressed yet trying to hide it, she invites him out for a drink, thinking he shouldn't be alone. She conveniently forgets that she also doesn't want to be alone, preferring instead to focus on what he needs.

"Don't you have plans tonight?" he asks, thinking she must have something going on with Josh.

"Not really. I was just going to pick up some take out and pop in a movie."

"What about Josh?" he tentatively asks, knowing it's a risk but needing to know. "Is he working?"

"No. We broke up." She admits.

"He broke up with you on Valentine's Day?" he asks, incredulous. "What an ass!" Outraged on her behalf, even though his heart is singing at the news, he can't help but call it as he sees it.

"No, actually, I broke up with him last night. It just wasn't working." She tells him, relieved to get it out.

Realizing his words weren't very tactful, he backtracks quickly. "I'm sure you had your reasons." Thinking back to what Lanie said, he realizes that she called it. Kate had ended things with Josh! Feeling lighter than he has in awhile, wanting to jump in the air and pump his fist, he tamps down on his immediate reaction.

"Yeah. You could say that." She responds, clearly not wanting to talk about it any further.

Trying for subdued, failing a little due to the cheerful note in his voice, he agrees. "A drink then. Let's be single together."

"I'd like that." She admits, putting her arm through his, as they head off in search of a drink.


	6. Chapter 6: Indecision

**CHAPTER SIX: Indecision**

Reaching high above her head with both arms, Kate feels the stretch and pull of her muscles as she delicately balances on one leg, finding her center as she works through a series of Yoga poses. The exercise has calmed her mind and relaxed her body. Feeling more at peace with herself than she has in awhile, she realizes that she's happier being single than she was being with Josh. With the wisdom of hindsight, Kate has come to accept that her relationship with Josh was doomed from the start. And now she has the added bonus of guilt-free time with Castle.

They've found a tentative new rhythm together since Valentine's Day. While she's not ready to jump into anything with Castle, she sees him in a new light, her mind playing with the possibilities. She'd been ready to risk that step with him once before, only to have her heart stepped on. It took them awhile for their working partnership to settle into a comfortable place after that hiccup. Not wanting to upset it again without being certain of her feelings, and his, she's decided to simply not think about it and just enjoy his friendship. Without the spectre of Josh and Gina in the background, she finds they're spending more time together after work. And it's fun. He's always been funny and charming, but now she enjoys his charm offensive without that undertone of annoyance that used to plague her. She must be getting soft. But she's okay with that.

If only her body didn't betray her at odd moments. Like the other night when she joined his family for dinner. One minute he was chopping vegetables and making pasta, his hands performing a nimble ballet in front of her. The next thing she knew, her heart started racing and her body flushed as she imagined those same fingers performing an even more nimble dance on her body. Afraid she'd give herself away, she'd had to hastily excuse herself to the restroom for a few minutes to get her body back under control.

And then there was the incident when they'd been walking back to the precinct from Remy's. One minute they were walking and talking normally. One glance at his features, hair mussed from the wind, face a little pale from the cold, and she was right back on that dark street, seeing the shocked arousal on his face following their kiss. She'd been so thrown by it she'd stumbled and would have fallen if his quick reflexes hadn't enabled him to catch and steady her. That moment of shock when their bodies had brushed confirmed the heat still burned brightly between them.

She mostly tried to ignore those odd moments when she was tempted to close the gaps between them, not wanting to upset their delicate balance. But the nights were the most difficult. In the deep of the night, while her body slept, her subconscious mind created erotic images of the two of them together. More often than not, she'd awaken fully aroused, images from her latest dream dancing through her mind. She didn't know if the reality would match her fantasies, but her fantasies portrayed Castle as a very attentive and capable lover. Just this morning she found herself giving in to temptation.

She'd awoken in the middle of a dream that had felt all too real. Castle had caught up with her in the stairwell at the precinct. They'd been arguing about something inconsequential, and she decided to take the stairs down to get the autopsy results from Lanie. Castle chased after her and caught up with her partway down, on the landing between stairs. After a few tense words about some minor issue, he grabbed her arm and pulled her to a stop, determined to have his say.

Eyes snapping fire, she held her ground, a mutinous expression on her face. He was just as agitated. His brows drawn in, face tense, a frown marring his expression as the intensity of his glare burned her. Frustration spilling over, he pressed into her space, causing her to take a step back, the rough feel of the concrete wall at her back pulling her up short. Angry at giving ground, she snapped out some inane comment. And then he moved.

His hands wrapped around her biceps, holding her arms still at her side as he towered over her, stepping into her body, forcing her to tilt her head back to look up at him. His eyes black with emotion, irritation and more bubbling to the surface, he searched her face, determined to finish their argument. Air crackling with tension, she wanted to scream in frustration at her body's involuntary response to his nearness. And then he'd leaned in and kissed her. She could taste the anger and frustration in his kiss before an all consuming fire took over. Before she knew it he was plundering her mouth, taking everything from her even as he gave in return. What started as anger quickly turned into something more, the heat sparking between them into an inferno that raged out of control. Body tightening in anticipation, she felt the burn of his touch on her skin. Mouth opening under his, she tangled her tongue with his, his spicy taste making her crave more, of everything. Forgetting everything but the feel of him against her, she stretched into him, trying to plaster every inch of her body against his, savoring the feel of his hard to her soft. Chest to chest, hip to hip, a low moan tore from her, called out from the feel of him against her. Frantic, grasping, she dips her fingers into his waistband, wanting to feel his skin.

And then it changed. The sweep of his tongue against hers gentled, his mouth sipping at hers, as he started a delicate duet of his tongue with hers. The hands holding her arms loosen, caressing her arms before finding their way to her hips, where they softly stroke the desire he's kindled into a roaring flame. The gentle pressure of his body against hers creates a gentle friction where his arousal rubs her there, where she needs it most. Feeling her body climbing, she strains towards him, wanting the release he promises so badly.

Cruelly, she awakens just as her body stretches towards release. All too familiar with the burning ache that brings her fully awake, she takes matters into her own hands, knowing the temporary relief she finds will still leave her vaguely dissatisfied. Some days she takes care of herself, her fantasies of Castle bringing her relief, even as she refuses to acknowledge the emotion driving her physical responses. Other days she denies herself, the vague ache throughout the day her penance for her indecision over what to do about Castle. Through it all, she struggles with where their relationship is headed, trying to define and understand her feelings, both afraid of and anticipating what their future might hold.


	7. Chapter 7: Thawing Out

**CHAPTER SEVEN: Thawing Out**

Disoriented, cold, feeling an overwhelming anxiety, Kate wakes up in the ambulance, wrapped in warm blankets, an IV drip in her arm. Looking around quickly, she spots Lanie. A little panic tingeing her tone, she croaks out "Castle? Where's Castle?" Knowing they were both trapped in that freezer, she's frantic, wanting to know about her partner and friend. Eyes searching Lanie's, she seeks answers and reassurance all at once.

Calmly, Lanie grabs her hands and tells her, "Relax, Kate, he's okay. He's getting checked out by a paramedic, but he should be fine. I'll go check on him myself in a minute." Worried about Kate, Lanie continues checking her vital signs, even though the EMT already gave her a thorough exam. Once she's satisfied that Kate really is fine, she looks at her with a determined glint in her eye.

Anger and fear drive her words. "Don't you dare scare me like that again." She admonishes Kate, letting her know just how close she'd come to a disastrous outcome.

Seeing the regret and lingering fear on Kate's face, she softens, knowing it wasn't deliberate. Then, smiling a little, knowing she's risking Kate's wrath but wanting to distract her, Lanie starts in, a knowing tone in her voice. "But I must say, you two sure looked cozy all wrapped up in each other's arms when they found you."

Knowing how conflicted her feelings about Castle are, and how perceptive Lanie can be, Kate dodges. "You know we're just friends Lanie. We were trying to stay warm."

"Uh-huh. I know. You've told me that a million times." The slightly singsong tone of her voice gets to Kate, calling her a liar without actually saying it. Then it sharpens. "But Kate, really, don't you think its time you admit to yourself there's something more there? How many times are you two going to come close to dying before you take a chance?"

Sighing, Kate thinks about what her dad said a few weeks ago. Since she broke up with Josh, its almost all she thinks about now that they're both single. Most of the time their friendship is comfortable, but there are also times it's been a little strained. It's like they've got this fragile peace in place, marking time, briefly interspersed here and there with quick looks, and a subtle testing. She goes home at night and agonizes over the détente they've silently declared. She wants him, but she's so afraid of ruining what they already have. And he seems to just be waiting for her, not pressing, but creating a subtle zone of expectation which she can step into at any time. "Lanie…it's just…"

"I know, it's complicated. That's what you always say. But take a chance. You've been in a relationship with the man for three years already, why not get the benefits that go along with it? Just kiss the man and see what happens! "

Wait…what? That can't be right. They haven't been in a relationship for three years…have they? The sinking feeling in her gut confirms what Lanie has verbalized. Holy shit! She's right! Why didn't she see it? They've been dancing around each other so long that she knows more about him than she's known about any other guy with whom she's actually been involved. Stunned at the revelation, she can't think of anything to say to Lanie. Like a true friend, Lanie has spoken the plain truth. Why is it so hard to hear sometimes?

Then she thinks about her one kiss with Rick. That kiss mesmerized her. She dreams about that kiss. It was the catalyst that caused her to question everything about her relationship with Josh. She stubbornly refused to give up on him due to her fears of what could happen if she pursued Rick. But if she's being honest with herself, that kiss has ruined her for anyone else and she knows it. Blushing, her erotic dreams catching up with her, she recalls that one perfect moment - the taste of his lips on hers, the solid feel of his body pulling her in, the slight rasp from his five o'clock shadow, the silky feel of his hair running through her fingers and the hard ridge she briefly rubbed up against.

Watching her closely, Lanie senses something. Kate looks particularly vulnerable, but also a little flustered, so she backs off a little. Taking a guess, she probes. "Unless you already have?" she asks, tentatively.

Nodding, admitting the truth to Lanie, she confesses. "I did. Kiss him, I mean. Once."

"What? When? Why didn't you tell me?" Lanie asks, before adding, a twinkle in her eye, "How was it?"

Relieved, wanting to confess but still hedging a little, she tells Lanie. "It wasn't like that. I was with Josh at the time. It was when Ryan and Espo were kidnapped. There was this guard outside the building and we had to figure out a way to get close to him without him getting suspicious. Castle suggested we play a drunk couple walking to our apartment and I agreed. Only the guard wasn't buying it. I went to reach for my gun when Castle just grabbed me and kissed me. It seemed to be working so I kissed him back until the guard turned his back and I took him out. It didn't' mean anything. It was just a ruse. We had to do something."

Looking at her closely, Lanie calls her on it. "Bullshit, Kate Beckett. I know you. You two have been sending smoldering glances at each other for years. If it was no big deal you would have said something before now. If you can't be honest with me, at least be honest with yourself."

Looking at Lanie, seeing the love and understanding on her face, she crumbles. "Oh God, Lanie. You're right. That kiss got to me."

"Spill, girl." Lanie demands, knowing this is a critical moment.

"It was everything I thought it could be and more. I'm such a coward. We didn't talk about it. We both ignored it, like it never happened. That night was so screwed up in so many ways. Ryan and Esposito were hurt and there was so much going on, everything jumbled together, my mother's case mixed up in it all. By the time we got through the aftermath I was so spent I just went home. And I was with Josh and I didn't know what to say to Castle. He seemed content to leave it as a ruse and that was it. We never talked about it again."

Sighing, she admits. "It was amazing. And I knew right then that Josh was on borrowed time. I just couldn't admit it to myself. I so wanted it to work with Josh, but it wasn't so we just kept limping along. Why do all my relationships end up like this? I couldn't stand it if that happened with Rick."

"Oh honey, there are no guarantees. But your relationships don't work because they're not the right man." Grabbing her hands, wanting to make her point clearly, she pushes, "And you don't let them in."

After seeing the words sink in, Lanie continues. "But you're different with Castle. And he's different with you. That man has been following you around for three years. Every time you try to get rid of him he keeps showing up. Don't you think it's time you give him a chance? Do you really think this strange dance that you two do is going to go on forever? It's got to move forward or end and I think you know that."

"God, Lanie, I know. But I'm so scared. What if it just blows up in my face? How do I survive that? I'll have ruined everything!"

"You can't know that, Kate. You don't know what's going to happen. It takes two to tango and it takes two to make it work. From what I've seen, he's ready and he's been ready for a long time. He's been waiting for you. Don't you think you both deserve to find out what could be?"

Wanting what Lanie is pushing so badly, Kate recognizes the truth in her words.

"Hey Beckett. You look as frozen as Castle. You doing okay?" Ryan asks, coming towards them, his pale blue eyes filled with concern.

"Uh, yeah. Thanks. I'll be okay, right Lanie?"

"She'll be fine Ryan. I'm going to go check on Castle. Keep her out of trouble, would you?"

With a nod, Ryan agrees. They turn and watch as Lanie makes her way to the other ambulance. Needing to move, she gets out of her ambulance, blanket wrapped firmly around her. Leaning back against a squad car, she accepts a cup of coffee from someone as she watches Lanie. Eyes tracing her progress, she feels the tightness in her chest ease as she catches a glimpse of Castle in the back of the other ambulance, moving around, combative, until his eyes lock with hers. Seeing him calm, she acknowledges him from afar, mind racing with the possibilities.


	8. Chapter 8: Carpe Diem

**CHAPTER EIGHT: Carpe Diem**

Adrenaline racing, Kate launches herself at Castle, throwing her arms around him as she realizes he's somehow managed to disable the bomb. Crushed in his embrace, overwhelmed with relief, she lets out a half-laugh, half whoop of delight, as they get yet another reprieve from death. Letting him go, she jumps with excitement as she realizes they've done it. They've managed to cheat death and save the city yet again. Shock, joy, awe and a million other feelings race through her as she struggles to understand what just happened. Castle is pumping his fist and spinning circles, shouting out, unable to contain his joy. The numbers counting down to the explosion have halted, forever stalled by his desperate pulling of the wires from the bomb.

Eyes locking with hers, he doesn't think, he just acts. Dropping the wires, he grabs her again, pulling her in for another hug, before lowering his mouth to hers. Unable and unwilling to let another moment pass without taking a chance with her, he lets out all of his pent-up longing and overflowing joy, transmitting it all through the simple touch of his mouth to hers, his body automatically lining itself up, fitting her into the hollows and curves of his. Feeling her still at the first contact, he persists, not letting her go. Thinking he's only moments from being rejected, he's determined to thoroughly taste her, silently communicating his love for her, giving her every opportunity to respond.

A moment then two race by, as he continues to gently press his lips to hers, his hands coming up to frame her face, delicately tracing the outline of her jaw, as he takes his time, savoring the feel of her. As his heart drops, chastened by her lack of response, he feels an inevitable wave of sadness overwhelm him. Just as he starts to pull back, breaking their kiss, an apology bubbling to the surface, he freezes, disbelieving, wondering whether his senses are playing tricks on him. Feeling her hands clutch at his shoulders, her mouth opening under his, his emotions stutter and skip, wildly caroming around in his head as she finally responds.

At the first touch of his mouth to hers, Kate's entire being becomes immobile, her body's awareness of his causing everything in her to come to instant and spontaneous attention. The fine hair covering her body stands on end, electric and sensitized to his touch, blood rushing everywhere. Her body tightens, acutely aware of every point of contact between them. All of the agonizing, overthinking, hesitation and indecision she's struggled with for weeks fade, shoved aside by a single touch from Rick. One kiss overcomes all of her resistance, doubts cast aside in favor of a single thought – YES! Her body's immediate recognition of how right this feels bulldozes over all of her fears and objections. She enthusiastically responds, heart singing at the feel of being in his arms.

Detached, floating, her mind catalogs what's happening even while her body takes over, consumed with the taste and feel of him. Their first undercover kiss was unexpected and exciting, her involuntary response storming her senses. Later, she felt both aroused and guilty for responding so fully to his advances. Now, everything she couldn't acknowledge on that long ago day has come brimming to the surface with the simple touch of his lips to hers. Throwing herself into her response, she answers the call his lips make to hers, letting herself feel everything fully for the first time, no guilt, no regrets hindering her response. Lust and love roar through her, so intertwined she can't separate what she's feeling for him. She just knows she needs more. More contact, more of him, the desire racing in her veins driving her to seek more of everything. Her tongue tangling with his, a moan involuntarily torn from her, she pushes her body into his, hands freely roaming over him, tasting and testing, the hard ridge pressing against her stomach proof of his feelings for her.

The sound of a car door slamming and the distant wail of sirens penetrate the cocoon they're wrapped in. Not wanting the moment to end, reluctantly, he pulls back, arms still tightly wrapped around her. Firmly, determined, Castle looks at her, eyes brimming with emotions. "We're not going to ignore this again, Kate."

Nodding in agreement, she steps back, eyes tracking towards the sound of footsteps. Amir's widow rounds the corner of the van, eyes frantic, wanting to know what's happening. Sighing, wanting only to walk away from everything but Rick, she steels herself for what comes next, knowing there will be hours of meetings before she's finally free.

"It's okay. We stopped it." she tells her, reassuring her. "We'll get you to your baby soon. Everything's going to be okay."

Looking back at Castle, she sees him hesitate, caught between their duty and what he wants personally. "Tonight. My place. I promise." She whispers, giving him a brief smile of reassurance, her eyes lingering on his lips before seeking out his eyes for his agreement. Seeing him nod, she relaxes, turning towards the other officers arriving on the scene, determined to get everything settled so they can leave.


	9. Chapter 9: Maelstrom

**CHAPTER NINE: Maelstrom**

Pacing, wearing a path in her carpet, Kate's nerves are stretched tight, waiting for Castle to arrive. She's changed three times, every aspect of what she's wearing having undergone a thorough scrutiny. She donned sexy underwear, removed it, before putting it on again. She covered her lingerie with a dress, then figured she was trying too hard and went to the other extreme with yoga pants and a t-shirt. That wasn't right either – it looked like she wasn't trying enough. Finally setting on jeans and a long sleeved shirt, she strictly forbids herself to second-guess her outfit anymore. Looking around her room, she realizes there are clothes everywhere, the rejected outfits littering her space. She puts on some music while she begins putting everything away, before turning the music off again, feeling like its too much. They probably won't even progress this far. But they might. Nerves jangling at the thought, she paces, scared, wanting, uncertain.

When the silence becomes too much, she turns the music back on again, letting it infiltrate the corners of her apartment, soothing her tangled thoughts. Having straightened her room, she moves back into the main space. Unable to sit still, she begins straightening her throw pillows, dusting her shelves, putting little things away, making minute adjustments throughout her space. She's found a million little distractions to occupy her while her mind races with the possibilities. When she can't stand it anymore she returns to her pacing.

Everything felt so right this afternoon. They've been slowly marching towards this inevitable place. And she wants it so badly. But her anxiety and fear are competing with her anticipation and desire, making her a jumbled mess. If she's this anxious, what must Castle be feeling? The thought of his anxiety eases hers. Taking a deep breath, then another, she calms.

He must be an even bigger mess than she is. Smiling, picturing him as a stuttering, fumbling bundle of nerves, she thinks back to how he acts when he has a book coming out. She imagines he is feeling something very similar. Not that she knows she's that important to him, but she's aware enough to realize that this is something he's been pursuing and wanting since they met. So he must be nervous too. Feeling far more calm, realizing they're in this together, she begins to relax. With all the denial and evasion over the past few years, he's probably worried she's changed her mind. But she hasn't. She knows him. She sees the man he is behind the façade. And she knows this is right. And that it's time.

The knock on the door sounds like a thunderclap in her ears. Her anxiety returns in full force, the temporary calm before the storm a distant memory. Slowly, surely, she walks to greet him, automatically confirming it's him through the peephole. She sees him swallowing nervously, hand smoothing his hair down, a bundle of colorful flowers in hand, a bag of something else dangling from his fingers below it. Taking a deep breath, she opens the door, eyes searching out his.

"Hey, Castle." She manages, a small smile on her face as she drinks in his appearance. He looks great – anxious, but oh so handsome. He's recently showered and shaved, dressing casually in dark jeans and a soft shirt that hugs the contours of his chest and biceps. He looks yummy she thinks, then blushes a little at the thought.

Clutching the flowers like a lifeline, he smiles, expression unreadable, as he drinks in her appearance, eyes quickly cataloging her more casual clothing and sock covered feet before his eyes return to hers.

"Hi, Kate. I brought these for you" holding out the flowers, he offers them to her, his words a little stilted. "And food – ahh, dinner, like we talked about."

Reaching for the flowers, she takes them in her hand, smelling them briefly before bringing her eyes to his. "Thank you, Castle. They're beautiful." She tells him, before shyly reaching up and kissing him on the cheek. His surprised reaction tells her he wasn't expecting her simple gesture. Smiling in reassurance, she grabs his hand, pulling him inside.

"Come on in." Relaxing fractionally, encouraged, he follows her in, closing the door behind him, as he takes in her apartment, eyes skipping around before they track back to her.

Dropping his hand, she heads to the kitchen, reaching for a vase, as she opens the plastic encasing the lower half of the bouquet. Taking her time, she cuts the stems, carefully arranging the flowers in the cut crystal before adding water, the small task calming her, even as she feels the tension in the room growing as Castle watches her every move.

He's already set the bag on the counter and is now awkwardly trying to decide what to do with his hands, fidgeting with his jacket, setting one hand on the counter, before shoving it into his pocket. Thinking he needs something to occupy him, she grabs a bottle of wine from the rack and hands it to him, along with a corkscrew.

"Why don't we have a glass of wine with dinner?"

"Sure. Great."

While he uncorks the bottle, she grabs two glasses and places them on the counter, before setting the flowers on the dining room table. Returning to the kitchen, she reaches for plates, napkins and silverware for their dinner. Setting the table while he pours, she finds the domestic routine soothing, even as the silence causes the tension to rise, the subtle sound of the music doing little to ease their nerves.

Having finished his task, Castle approaches the table, two glasses in one hand, the bottle in the other. Setting the bottle down, he hands her a glass as he takes a sip from his before setting it down.

"Castle—"

"Kate I –"

Talking over each other, they both stop abruptly. Smiling, she nods at him "Go ahead."

"This is killing me, Kate. I'm so nervous I can't stand it. What are we doing?"

Nodding in agreement, she's glad he chose the direct route. Feeling more and more certain, she faces him and looks at him directly, her eyes tracing the contours of his face, lingering a moment on his lips, before returning to his intense gaze. "We're having dinner, Rick. And then we're going to go sit on my couch and talk, maybe make out a little. See how it goes. Okay?"

Nodding his head, adam's apple bobbing quickly as he swallows, he responds. "Yeah, yeah. Sounds great. Especially the making out part…." Blushing a little, realizing how goofy and overeager that sounded, he hastily continues, "I mean—"

"Shh…" stepping into him, she puts a finger over his lips, feeling their soft contours against her finger, along with the slightly rougher texture of his upper lip where he shaved. "Let's just get this out of the way so we can relax a little," she mumbles.

Grabbing his hands in hers, she brings them to her hips, encouraging him to grab hold of her, before reaching her hands up behind his neck, pulling his head down where she can reach him. Raising up on tiptoe she brings her mouth to his, softly, tentatively, tracing his lips with hers. Her gentle butterfly kisses nip at the seam of his mouth, before her tongue peeks out, seeking a little taste of him. His hands tighten on her hips, his large body dwarfing hers. Not wanting to push too far or too fast, he tentatively responds, restraint in his every move.

Turning up the heat a little, she pushes into him, getting more aggressive as desire coils through her. The subtle tang of the wine, mixed with his own unique taste, explode on her taste buds, causing her to linger over the kiss. She's kissed him before, both times filled with explosive need. But this is different. She feels him holding back and lets out a groan of frustration, not sure if he regrets their earlier kiss or is simply not wanting to push too far.

Aroused, a little annoyed, she creates a little space between them and looks him in the eye. "Castle! It's okay. I want you to kiss me." Eyes searching his, she sees the banked desire in his gaze. "I want to give us a chance, don't you?"

Nodding quickly, he confirms "Yeah, I do. I just – I just don't want to mess up."

"You're overthinking this. Don't hold back." She admonishes.

No sooner have the words left her mouth than he puts them into action. Swooping in, he kisses her the way he's always dreamed, the kisses that have gone before a simple prelude that only hinted at the full force of his desire. Freed to act, he lets the pull of Kate in his arms pull him under, drowning him in desire for her. Wanting to touch and taste everything at once, he dives into the kiss, trying to calm his raging need.

He lets one hand drift behind her back, pulling her into his body, crushing her breasts to his chest, even as his other hand slides over her, tracing the soft curve of her bottom, before his large hand gently cups and caresses her butt cheek as he fits her against him, setting her nerve endings on fire. Lips nibbling hers, tongues tangling, they start a nimble duet, giving and taking from each other, while their lower bodies start to pick up the rhythm set by their mouths. Sucking her bottom lip in his, he gently nips the soft, plump skin, before soothing it, wanting more and more of her. Already impossibly hard from the moment her lips touched his, he groans as he feels her moving against him, her soft to his hard.

She meant only to get their first kiss out of the way, figuring they'd both feel more comfortable if they didn't dance around the issue. But they've held back for too long, years of fantasies and yearning driving them forward. She dives into the kiss, her body caroming out of control as her blood sings in response to the feel of him against her. A sharp throbbing ache between her legs causes her inner muscles to clench, desperate to be filled. A low moan is torn from her as the edge of her pubic bone catches against the hard ridge of his erection, sending a bolt of need straight through her. Her curious hands begin wandering and she traces the contours of his shoulders and biceps, feeling the muscles jump and move under her touch, as she brings them to his chest, the solid feel of his pectorals surprising her. Her hands brush her own breasts on their journey south, causing her nipples to tighten further, followed by a corresponding twinge below as her body sharpens with desire. Pushing back a little, trying to create space so she can continue to explore his body, she feels his stomach muscles jump as she pulls his shirt loose and hooks her fingers in his waistband, tracing his belt to the middle and down, where his erection pushes against the fabric of his jeans. Feeling the full length of him with her hand, she has a moment of panic as she wonders if they'll fit together.

The feel of her hands testing and tracing him through his pants pulls a low moan out of him, echoing her need. As if the dance of her fingers south have freed him, his hands abandon their position behind her as one comes up to caress her breast, while the other reaches between her legs, seeking out the heat he knows he'll find there. Caressing her through her clothes, he flattens his palm against her core, rubbing a tight rhythm as his fingers cup her between her legs, hand mimicking the actions of his tongue. Feeling light headed, she throws her head back, pulling great breaths into her lungs as her body storms out of control, racing towards the pinnacle as he plays her like a virtuoso. His mouth follows the invitation, trailing kisses down her neck, before he lingers at the juncture between her neck and shoulder, sucking gently, before trailing lower, teeth scraping her collarbone as his hand pops her shirt and bra open, exposing her breasts to his view. One hand closes over one breast and mimics the movements of his mouth, as his tongue gently circles the nipple of her other breast, before pulling the tight peak into its warm depths, suckling her gently at first, before pulling harder, the ache he creates causing her to grind down on his hand.

Impatient, wanting more contact, feeling constricted, she unbuttons his shirt, popping a button off in her haste before she begins fumbling with the buckle on his belt, wanting to feel his skin against hers. Without hesitation, his hand abandons her core and moves to the button of her pants while she struggles with his, his mouth moving across her chest, trailing fire in its path.

With the rasp of her zipper still echoing in the air, he pulls open her pants, exposing her lacy underwear. His hand doesn't hesitate as it slips under the waistband of her panties, seeking out her core, finding her dripping with moisture. Sliding his fingers into the velvety wet seam between her legs, he gently probes her entrance, testing her readiness, even as his thumb seeks out her clit. His other hand continues the task of pushing her pants out of the way, struggling with the tight denim.

Moaning at the feel of her slick, hot flesh, he nuzzles her breasts before resuming his assault on her senses, his mouth coming back to hers, wanting that connection, even as his hands continue to feverishly work her. Abandoning his pants, she hastily pushes her own down, kicking them off even as she bucks against him, the feel of his fingers dancing along her body causing her to tighten with need.

Once free of her own pants and underwear, she resumes her earlier task, her hands finally getting his belt buckle undone, while she continues to struggle with his button and zipper. Hands clumsy with desire, the feel of his cock pressing against her causing her to fumble, her mind and body scream out for more. Moving his hips slightly, his hand dives into the pocket of his jeans, jumbling around for a minute, before finding the condom he was searching for.

Pushing his pants down and out of the way, Kate's hands free him, causing his erection to jump and bob. Finally! Looking down at her prize, Kate's eyes widen at the sight of him. Body clenching in anticipation, she grabs the condom from his hand and tears the packet open with her teeth. Rolling it on, she takes a moment to appreciate the silky smooth length and width of his member, his thick head straining towards her, before she begins pushing him back towards the nearest chair, desperate to join her body with his.

Eyes locking with his, she maneuvers him into a sitting position, even as she feels the first wave of her orgasm starting to hit her, drawn forth by the clever movements of his fingers. Every nerve she has alert and enflamed, she grabs hold of him, guiding him to her entrance, as she spreads her legs wide and lowers herself down, feeling him stretch and fill her, every inch of him pushing deeply into her, filling her in a way she's never experienced before.

Groaning at the sensation, her body tightens around his, her orgasm causing her to clutch greedily at him as she savors the feel of him inside of her. Her hips move instinctively, desperately, driving her higher and higher, her body spiraling up and over the peak. Not content to sit back, he grabs her hips and surges up into her, hitting a spot inside her she didn't even know existed, tearing a scream from her as he stimulates the sensitive nerves. Unable to stop, driven by frenzied need, they establish a quick rhythm, his body driving up into hers even as she sets up a counterpoint, wave after wave of her climax washing over her as he takes her higher than she's ever been before.

"I can't hold back" he gasps out, wanting to make it last.

Nearly incoherent, she manages to stutter out a response. "I couldn't either. It's okay. Next time"

Giving in to the feelings coursing through him, he climaxes, pulled over the top by the feel of her body surrounding his, ecstasy rushing through him as his body lets go. Riding the waves of passion, bodies drawn tightly together, they hold on, anchoring each other in a world that has been upended.

Chests heaving, perspiration dotting their bodies, they slowly come down from their intense encounter, hands caressing and soothing, as they pepper each other with soft kisses.

When he can think again, he breaks the silence. "Now _that_ was amazing." he says, a mischievous grin on his face.

Ducking her head, a little overwhelmed by her feelings, she shyly looks at him through partially lowered lashes, feeling both proud and a little embarrassed. She can't believe the frenzy they created from a simple kiss.

"Yeah, that was - _wow_." She finishes, blushing profusely now.

Pulling her in for another kiss, she feels his body shift beneath hers, his softening member still cocooned within her warmth. Feeling a little awkward, a lot overwhelmed, she starts to rise, only to be stopped by his hands on her hips.

"Hey, you okay?" he asks, feeling the slight change in her mood, his eyes seeking hers, filled with understanding and something more she's afraid to look at too closely.

"Yeah. I'm more than okay." She responds, realizing its true, even as she feels the heat from her blush intensify. Awkward aftermath or not, she's not ready to walk away from what she just experienced. Shoving her deeper feelings for this man aside for closer examination later, she gives him a reassuring smile.

"Maybe now that we've established we're great together this way, we can work on the other?" she asks, a little tentatively.

"I'd like that. I'd like that a lot."

"Good. Me too." She admits, ducking her head again.

"You know, I didn't come over here thinking this would happen." He tells her, wanting her to know, even as he gives her a soft kiss.

"I didn't invite you just for this either," she admits.

"Although I thought it was possible. And you must have too or else you wouldn't have had that condom so handy."

"Well, I did hope…" he admits. "But that was it – I was hoping more that you'd give me a chance to prove we could be great together."

"Mmmm, I think it's time we see, don't you?"

"Yeah. And next time," he waggles his brows at her, "you did say there was going to be a next time" he reminds her, "I promise I'll make it last a lot longer."

"If you'd held out any longer I might not have survived" she admits, giggling a little with her admission. Still feeling a little shy over his witnessing the most explosive orgasm she's ever had, intrigued and off balance by her body's response to him, she tries to relax. "Yeah. There's definitely going to be a next time."

Giving him a quick kiss, she reluctantly rises up, feeling him slip from inside her. Knowing he needs to take care of the condom, she stands on two shaky legs, a hand on the table to help her balance.

Watching him, she sees the powerful pull of his muscles as he rises, pulling her in for a quick hug before he heads towards her bathroom, his firm butt peeking out from under the tail of his open shirt. Enjoying the view, already looking forward to next time, she jumps when she hears him tease her.

"Like what you see, Detective?"

Yummy, she thinks, a quirk of her eyebrow and a saucy smile her only answer.


	10. Chapter 10: Leap of Faith

**CHAPTER TEN: Leap of Faith**

Why are things so awkward? She wonders, as she waits for Rick to return from the bathroom. She's known him for years. They've just had the most mind blowing sex she's ever experienced. She knows him probably better than anyone else in her life, yet she's uncertain how to act now that they've taken this step. She feels exposed, vulnerable in a way she's rarely felt. Abandoning her bra, she buttons her shirt back up as she steps into her panties and jeans. She knows she wants a round two, but she also feels the need to cover up a little, replace some of her armor so she feels a little more normal.

After washing her hands, she begins taking out the food, dishing up their dinner and fortifying herself with a sip of wine. Hearing him return, she gives him a little smile as she covertly watches him head for his pants, calm and confident as can be, as he slips back into them, moving his hastily discarded shoes to the side. Great, she's a nervous mess and he's smooth and confident. What is wrong with her?

Walking over to her, he steps into her space and removes the container of food from her hands, putting it back on the counter. Grabbing her around the waist, he turns her towards him, stepping in closely, before placing two fingers under her chin and tilting her head up to him. Without her heels, their height difference has her feeling like she's at a distinct disadvantage.

"Kate, look at me." He tells her, his expression really serious. "What just happened between us means a lot to me." Swallowing, she nods her head, knowing he's being honest. "I know we didn't plan that, but I don't regret it and I really hope you don't regret it either."

Seeing the turmoil in his gaze, she identifies worry and something else she can't name. Not knowing what she's feeling, she just listens, reticent to say anything to upset the precarious balance they've achieved.

"I know you just came out of a relationship recently and that this may be moving too fast for you. If you want to slow things down, I'm okay with that. I want to make this work and if that means we take a few steps back, then we can take a few steps back."

Searching her feelings, she's only certain of two things. She doesn't want to mess this up and she isn't capable of taking a step back. She may not know exactly what she's feeling or what all this means to her, but she doesn't want to run away from it or turn her back on it. She's going to have to trust that what feels so right can work.

Gathering her courage, she answers him. "I know this was kind of sudden. And we just jumped into this. But you are not a rebound. If I'm being honest, you're the reason I broke up with Josh."

Seeing the look of surprise on his face, she nods, confirming it. She sees the questions bubbling to the surface even as he tries to tamp down on them. His curiosity has always been hard to contain.

"Me? But how- I'm the reason…?" he asks, unable to help himself.

Smiling a little, she confirms. "Yeah. After that kiss, I really couldn't kid myself any longer. I felt a lot more during that kiss than I ever did with Josh."

"I knew it!" he crows, unable to help himself. Seeing his chest puff up a little at her admission, she realizes that he's the same man-child she's known for years and she really shouldn't be so nervous about all of this. "This is the best day ever! Kate you have to know I can't get that kiss out of my mind. Well, now I can, but it's been replaced by that other one or, uh, that image of you, I mean, uh, maybe I should…." Gesturing with his hand, his voice trails off, a slightly panicked look on his face.

"Shh." She quiets him again with her finger, cutting off his rambling, amused by his nervous prattling. "I can imagine what it's been replaced by Castle." She says drily. She forces herself to be honest with him and herself. "Look, the point is, I don't know where this is going or what we're doing. But I know I want to be with you. And after what we did a little while ago, there's no way I can take a step back and just be friends with you right now. I want so much more than that. You were right, what we just did was amazing. And that was our first time. What happens when we really get to know each other like this? So if you don't mind, I'd like to find out."

Nodding his head vigorously, he grabs her in for a big hug. "Me too. But what about work? What do we do about that? And our families?"

"I don't know. I mean, would you mind if we just keep this between us for now? I'm not ready for all the questions and pressure. I don't know how long, but…"

"Yeah, I can do that. I think that's…sure, yeah." Amazed, overwhelmed, he can't believe that he's here having this conversation with Kate wrapped in his arms. "Just let me know when you want to change that. For now, let's just see what happens." Smiling, relieved, he tells her "I want to see what happens too." Leaning in, he kisses her again, unable to help himself.

Feeling her blood starting to heat up again, she realizes that she needs to step back or they're never going to eat.

"Mmpf. Castle –" pulling back, she breaks the kiss. "I still want to have dinner, and to sit and talk. We can make out later. If we don't stop now I'm not sure we'll get anything to eat."

"Yeah. Okay. Right. Food. I can do that. Let's eat!" he rubs his hands together, grabbing a plate and going back to the containers, his enthusiasm spilling over.

Grabbing her glass of wine, she takes a sip, feeling a little more settled. She may not know where this is going, but she has a feeling she's in for quite a ride.


	11. Chapter 11: Dessert

**CHAPTER ELEVEN: Dessert**

The familiar ritual of passing containers back and forth, talking about simple things and fighting over the last spring roll relaxes them. Staying away from touchy subjects, they dance around what's happening with them and avoid discussing what they were feeling as they nearly died twice in two days. Although they spend some time speculating about what drives a man like Agent Fallon, they mostly stick to safe topics, such as the latest movies and his family's current interests.

After dinner, they clean up in companionable silence. The food, wine and emotions from the last few days have seemingly caught up with them, causing them to move at half speed, exhaustion slowly creeping over them. After the last dish is put away, Kate tops off their wine and grabs Castle's hand, leading the way to her couch, content to snuggle and let whatever else happens progress naturally.

Throughout dinner and beyond, Kate has been studying him, cataloging the way his strong hands move, watching the expressions on his face shift from serious to playful and back again easily. She's always found him attractive, but her newly intimate knowledge of him has her appreciating his physical qualities even as she anticipates a repeat performance. Taking another sip of her wine, she feels the first tendrils of arousal softly strumming through her body as she locks eyes with him, pulling him onto the sofa next to her, eyes wide and wanting.

The look of invitation in Kate's eyes has Castle swallowing nervously. Last time, everything happened so quickly he didn't get time to savor her the way he wanted to. While he's not complaining, he has no intention of letting things progress so quickly this time. He's waited years to worship her the way he's wanted to. This time, he's setting the pace. Swallowing a sip of wine, he watches Kate, anticipation permeating the air. Mesmerized by the movement of her throat as she takes a drink, his hands reach out and take her glass from her, setting it aside. Moving in, he closes the distance between them, wanting only to taste her again, his gaze intent on her soft lips, which are turned up in a knowing smile. His arm embrace her, fingers rubbing gently against her back and pulling her in even as he softly, gently caresses her mouth with his, relishing the tangy sweet taste of her mingled with the smooth red wine. Intoxicated, aroused, he wants to explore all of her.

Breaking away from their kiss, he feels his body quickly racing out of control. Fighting for control, he pulls back, resting his forehead on hers, breathing heavily, his hands igniting fires under her skin even as he tries to cool his own reaction. Silently, he encourages her to lie back. Pliant in his arms, she relaxes into the couch, trusting him enough to follow his lead. After a few more kisses, he knows he needs to take a break or he'll rush this again. Gentling his kisses, he slows down, soothing herself and him, before he rises up off the couch. "Be right back," he promises, before heading to the restroom, a reassuring smile on his face.

Kate, sweetly aroused, yet tired and content at the same time, stretches out on the couch, enjoying the gentle hum of her blood as she waits for his return. Relaxed, confident, knowing they have all night and all day tomorrow, she finds herself drifting, half asleep already, as she turns on her side, snuggling into the pillow. Hearing him return, she smiles, hearing him set something on the table before he kisses her softly, rolling her onto her stomach and moving pillows out of the way. He gently stretches her out, hands soothing her before straddling her hips, his large legs barely fitting on either side of her, the weight of his body pushing her more snuggly into the couch.

"Castle—" she begins, thinking she should roll back over, even as she wants to simply stay where she is.

"Shhh. Relax Kate, just enjoy."

Slowly, surely, he begins rolling his thumbs into her shoulder muscles. His fingers tease out a hard knot which he begins gently massaging, working it loose before moving on to the next spot. Relaxing at the feel of his hands moving across her back and shoulders, she lets herself enjoy the gentle kneading motions as he works his way down her spine. His hands hesitate momentarily when he realizes she's not wearing her bra, but she barely notices the brief interruption, mesmerized by the exquisite massage. As he works down to the base of her spine, he scoots further down her legs, freeing up more of her to his touch, his hands mapping her body, his own body becoming more and more aroused even as he feels her relaxing and responding to his soothing touch. Lulled by the feel of his big, warm hands, she feels her reserve melting away, responding to his ministrations, tranquility spreading throughout her body. As he continues, she feels her shirt bunching and pulling, getting in the way, even as he pushes it gently up and out of the way. Without thinking about it, she helps him remove it, baring her back to him, wanting his touch to continue unhindered by the uncomfortable cloth. He pauses a moment, reaching for the lotion he placed on the coffee table, squirting a generous portion into his palm, before briskly rubbing his hands together to warm the lotion, the lubrication aiding his movements on her back.

His hungry eyes trace the path of his hands, memorizing the slope of her back, the sweep of her ribs, the freckles dancing across her shoulder blades. His fingers tingle, the smooth texture of her skin combining with the slick feel of the lotion causing them to slip and slide across her body. The beauty of her form enchants him, the feel of her under him surreal, a dream he can't believe is real. She's so strong and confident he forgets how delicate her frame truly is, even as he admires the toned muscles rippling in response to his touch. Focusing only on her, he tamps down the desire threatening to overwhelm him and catalogs all the places that cause her to squirm and hum in appreciation of his touch, promising himself he'll revisit each and every place in his quest to please her.

Lost in the feel of the massage, she falls into a trance-like state sneakily induced by the feel of his hands moving over her, the warm lotion soothing her. Broad strokes up and down the middle of her spine mesmerize her, slowly moving up and down her back, then fanning out towards her sides, occasionally adding more warmed lotion, his hands sliding easily along her soft skin. The first time he lets his fingers slide down her sides, brushing the sides of her breast she's so relaxed she almost doesn't feel her heart stutter, the slow curl of arousal whispering through her, her skin sensitized and responsive to his touch. With each pass up and down her back, his fingers get more bold, teasing her breasts, causing them to get heavier, her nipples tightening in response even as her breath catches and quickens. Part of her badly wants to roll over and push her breasts into his hands and beg him to touch her front as intimately and thoroughly as her back. The other part of her can't wait to see what he has planned next. Her mind hazily drifts and debates what she should do even as her body trusts him to lead her where he pleases. Anticipation rising, she feels his hands moving lower, abandoning her breasts to focus more on her lower back and hips, hands pushing gently at the waistband of her pants, moving it down and out of the way, as he firmly kneads the tight muscles at the base of her spine, before moving over her jeans and massaging her butt and hamstrings through the cloth. The material of her pants is pulled tight by his up and down motion, the friction pulling the seam tightly against her center, causing her hips to jump in response. The feel of his hands moving, soothing the muscles even as he traces their curves causes her to shift her legs, pressure building inside her while moisture gathers between her legs, soaking her panties. Wanting to participate more fully yet not wanting to stop what he's doing, she holds herself still, savoring the feel of his hands on her even as she debates taking a more active role.

Unable to stop herself, she pushes her hips up off the couch, reaching in to unbutton and unzip her pants, fumbling, wanting them gone. Giving in to her unspoken demand, he peels her pants and underwear off, followed by her socks, one at a time. His eyes devour the luscious curve of her ass and firm muscles of her thighs, the darker shadow between them glistening in the light. Her musky aroma teases his senses, combining with the light scent of the lotion, intoxicating him. Grabbing the bottle, he warms more of the creamy substance in his hands, as he resumes his massage, this time starting at her feet and working his way up. He finds a sensitive spot behind her knee that has her squirming and giggling, which he soothes with a firmer touch. Watching her body's reaction, he sees a subtle flush spreading over her fair skin, as the gentle motion of his hands brings the blood to the surface, warming and arousing her in turn.

"You're so beautiful" he whispers out, his voice husky and deep, he's awed by the sight of her gorgeous body, his mouth unable to resist joining in the fun, as he begins placing gentle kisses all along her back and spine, moving lower, his mouth exploring territory already conquered by his hands. Even as he continues to pepper her with kisses, his hands continue their exploration, his thumbs tracing the elongated muscles of her butt and hamstrings, soothing over them before he finally lets his hands dip inwards. With each pass of his hands, he gets a little bolder, moving his thumbs closer to her center, before moving away, pushing back along her thighs and up and over her butt cheeks, the pull of her muscle and skin causing her core to tighten and tingle in response.

With each pass of his hands, the pull of the massage causes the most delicious ache between her legs. He's cleverly avoided touching her where she wants it most, the absence of sensation creating an exquisite need. His touch has evolved into a gentle caress, teasing her nerve endings, causing her to obsessively anticipate each and every move, her body on fire for more. The more he teases her, the stronger her response. She unconsciously opens her legs a little wider, wanting his hands everywhere, the subtle movements of her hips and legs a silent invitation for more intimacy, their increased tempo a silent signal that she wants and needs more. Giving in to her growing impatience, he finally allows his touch to reach up into her center, the slick moisture proof of her desire.

The light touch of his fingers against her core are accompanied by the gentle brush of his mouth trailing kisses down her spine, setting her on fire, his occasional moans and sighs fueling hers. She feels his thick fingers tracing the wet lips between her legs, dipping into her and retreating, the teasing motion pulling an answering moan from her. She's fantasized about those fingers so many times and now he's teasing her with them, the tactile sensations easily setting her aflame. He continues trailing kisses all over, nuzzling her breast from the side, sucking on her hip, his mouth lingering on the rounded curve of her ass, marking her here and there. Spreading her legs a little wider, he drags some of her wet heat up to her clit as he gently presses his thumb into her channel, its gentle motion inside of her creating a delicious friction outdone only by the feel of his two fingers lightly dancing on either side of her clit. She feels her body climbing the peak, her response pulled from deep within her, the languid stimulation from earlier replaced by a thundering beat, driving her up and up, her need becoming more frantic with each sweep of his hands. Her body instinctively seeks more pressure, chasing his fingers. In response, he quickens their tempo in time with her hips, stimulating her further, the exquisite torture they create causing her to gasp and moan in response. Just when she thinks she's about to come, he stops abruptly, leaving her poised on the pinnacle. She lets out a groan of protest even as he smoothly rolls her over. His eyes widen at the sight of her flushed face and body, her eyes almost black with desire, her tight nipples begging for attention, dark and dusky, calling out for his mouth and hands. Reaching out one hand, he fills his palm with her even as his thumb and forefinger pinch the nipple firmly, her hips bucking in response to his touch. Exerting tight control over his body, he pushes his own need aside and dips his head lower, seeking out her clit with his tongue, even as he gently pushes two thick fingers into her. One hand alternately working both of her breasts, he tentatively feels his way with his tongue, licking and parting her lips and tracing them up to her clit, seeking out the hard little nub, tracing and retracing his journey several times before settling in. Feeling the erect little button, he flattens his tongue strongly against it, feeling her hips buck, before he opens his mouth wide and begins alternately flicking and sucking it, working her quickly. Unable to stop herself, one hand moves to the back of his head, holding him against her even as her other hand finds her other nipple, picking up the motion and rhythm of his hands as he enthusiastically works her, her hips jerking in response to the sensations. Her orgasm hits her hard and fast, a sharp jerk of her hips pulling a scream from her as she tumbles over the top. Relentlessly, he continues to work his tongue against her clit even as his fingers seek out her g spot and stimulate it, not letting her come down. Quickly, ruthlessly, he drives her towards a second, even stronger orgasm, his focus solely on her pleasure. Body overly stimulated, unable to sit still, she writhes against him, stuck on the edge of another orgasm, the sweet pain a delicious torture. Just when she thinks she won't be able to reach the peak another time, he hums against her, the vibrations from his mouth sending her racing over the edge, everything within her tightening exquisitely. Screaming his name in release, her whole body clenches as she comes, a flood of moisture from her channel running down her thighs, as he continues to lap and suck at her, drawing out her orgasm, a satisfied smile sneaking across his expression even as he begins soothing her body.

Giving her a moment to recover, he languidly climbs his way back up her torso, nibbling and kissing as he goes, paying each of her breasts careful attention before he looms over her, his expression filled with love, lust and unmistakable pride.

Overwhelmed by her body's response, she meets his eyes, too satisfied to care that he's reduced her to a melting puddle of goo. She's not even annoyed by how smug he looks, acknowledging he's entitled to what he's feeling. Vulnerable, open, she realizes that she trusts him completely, her body responding to him in a way she's never before experienced. Instantly addicted, she unexpectedly acknowledges his mastery of her body.

"You're incredibly good at that." Her husky voice spills the admission before she can censor her thoughts, satisfaction coloring her tone, making her voice the sexiest he's ever heard it.

Mesmerized, he memorizes her features, wanting to always picture this moment with her. Unable to say anything, throat clenching tight with emotion, he brings his mouth to hers, kissing her deeply, letting her taste herself on his tongue, the combination of flavors pulling another groan from him as his body screams for completion when she responds by tangling her tongue with his.

Her arms come around him and she realizes he's still wearing most of his clothes.

"I want these off." She commands, pulling at his shirt, even as her small hands travel down and firmly squeeze his butt, enjoying the feel of him against her, the hot, hard length of his arousal pushing against her hip. Realizing how much he's put off his pleasure in order to satisfy her, she wants to return the favor.

Posturing up, he quickly takes off his shirt, fully exposing his upper body to her for the first time. Her breath hitches as she takes in the cut muscles of his chest, a light smattering of hair fanning out over his small dark nipples, before narrowing over his abs and drawing a line south of his navel. His biceps bulge and move as he begins working on the closure of his pants, the bulge of his erection testing the strength of the fabric as he strains to be free.

Eyes devouring his beautiful form, Kate realizes her speculation about his body failed from a lack of imagination. The reality is so much better, and firmer, than she ever expected. Amused and aroused by her perusal, he lets his hands linger at the open front of his pants, waiting for her gaze to catch up, before he reveals the rest of himself to her.

Not content to let him control everything, she brushes her hands over the firm muscles of his chest before lightly trailing them lower, the muscles jumping under her touch as she teases her way to the partially open jeans before pushing his hands out of the way. Eyes dancing in anticipation, she watches him watching her, even as she lets her hands explore the full length and breadth of his erection through his boxers, pulling a moan from him even as she feels him pulsing against her. "I can't withstand much of that" he warns her, wanting her hands on him but knowing his resistance is low at this point.

Body clenching in anticipation, recalling vividly the feel of him inside of her, she moves from teasing to determined in the span of a heartbeat. Carefully, she pulls his soft boxers over the head of his penis, before shoving everything down.

"Help me." She commands, wanting him naked and inside of her. Stilling her hands, he reaches into the slack pocket of his pants and pulls out three more condoms, tossing two on the table, even as he quickly gets up and shucks his pants before repositioning himself over her.

"Feeling lucky?" she teases, eyes dancing with mirth as she sees he came prepared to have a really good time. Unconsciously licking her lips as she eyes his impressive member, she knows she wants to taste him even as she realizes she doesn't have the patience for it right now.

"It was wishful thinking." He admits, even as his cock jumps in response to the blatant desire in her eyes. Then, with a leer and a boyish grin, he confesses. "Now I'm thinking I didn't bring enough."

"I think we'll manage" she flirts back, as her hands take the package from his hand and tear into it. "I've got some ideas for later" she teases, as she rolls the condom over the wide head and soft length of him, her hand squeezing him lightly in the process, her inner muscles contracting in anticipation.

"Right now, I really want you inside of me." She confesses, her hips lifting up towards him, seeking out the feel of him against her.

Fighting for control, he lowers his hips to her, letting his erection glide through her moisture, coating the condom as he rubs his cock across her opening and up, pressing against her even as his head teases her clit with the solid feel of him. Moaning in response to the feel of her warm, slick center, he repeats the motion, stomach quivering, balls tightening in anticipation.

Body instantly responding, still on alert from before, she quickly becomes frustrated by his teasing and brings her hand between them, firmly grabbing hold of his shaft and positioning him at her entrance.

"Rick….quit teasing!" she admonishes

Eyes locked with hers, he holds himself poised above her, his body quivering with the need to plunder. Gazes locked, his penetrating stare piercing straight through her, he thrusts into her, one firm, long stroke joining them together, burying him deep inside of her, all the way to the hilt. Her eyes widen in response, her face flushing with pleasure, as her body softens and stretches to accommodate him.

"Oh my god that feels so good." She groans out, squirming a little as she instinctively seeks out pressure against the tangle of nerves deep inside of her. Sighing in pleasure when she feels him hit the perfect spot, her eyes remain locked with his, specks of green and brown barely covering the emotion swimming in their depths.

Savoring the feel of being cocooned deep inside of her, he stills for a moment, emotion swirling around them, his heart singing with love for her, before he begins to move, driving deeply and firmly in and out, his body setting a steady rhythm designed to drive them both wild.

Picking up his rhythm, she moves in sync with him, the sensation of him inside of her feeling as natural as breathing. She feels her body quickly climbing back up, muscles clenching and sliding against him, his thick cock driving her higher and higher. Wanting more, needing more, her movements become sloppy and more frantic.

"More, Rick." She demands. "Harder." Giving in, he begins pounding into her, his movements strong and firm, the tight feel of her driving him crazy. Knowing he promised to hold out longer, amazed at how quickly his body is driving towards home, he fights off his climax, watching and waiting until he's certain she's with him.

"I need more, Rick, please. I'm almost there." She begs, desperate for release, her fingernails digging into his ass as she pulls him more deeply into her. Pulling her hips up, he changes the angle slightly, driving his cock more fully against the front of her, his pubic bone hitting her clit even as his tip rubs against the sensitive nerves deep inside of her. Body driving hard into hers over and over again, he drops his head down and latches onto her breast, pulling her nipple firmly into his mouth, the suction he creates causing fire to shoot straight to her core.

She screams as her entire body clenches in response, her orgasm ripping through her, ravaging her body, eyes closing reflexively as she's overwhelmed with sensation. The feel of her muscles tightly clamping down on him pull him over the edge, his face flushing red, jaw clenched, body freezing in response. The force of his ejaculation cause his buttocks to tighten, his whole body trembles with the force of the storm moving through him as he pours into her.

Stunned, shaken, he closes his eyes and cradles her small frame close to his body, as his heart pounds and his lungs heave. He can feel her body's response, her muscles shaking and clenching rhythmically against him, her skin lightly coated in moisture, even as her hands begin soothing up and down his back, her touch gentle and loving.

He knew he was in love with her. He never realized how completely until this moment, when his only thought is of holding her and never letting her go. Scared by the depth of his feelings, afraid of her reaction if he lets it show, he clamps down tightly on his emotions, wanting to tell her he loves her, but trying to control his reaction so as not to chase her away. Driven by the need to express what he's feeling, he kisses his way up her neck and to her mouth, keeping his eyes closed, shielding his emotions from her even as he gives her a long, slow, deep kiss, which she gently returns.


	12. Chapter 12: A New Day

**CHAPTER TWELVE: A New Day**

The low hum of traffic outside the window wakes him from a deep slumber. Rolling over and stretching out, he hugs his pillow, reluctant to abandon the lingering feelings caused by his delicious dream involving his favorite detective. Last night's fantasies were so distinct and detailed they almost felt real, his body feeling satisfied and invigorated in a way he can't ever remember feeling.

Slowly, reluctantly, his senses intrude, nudging him into awareness. The sounds in the background penetrate, foreign and jarring. The texture of the sheet is slightly rough against his – naked – body? The subtle smell of vanilla and something earthier invade his nostrils, jolting him awake, as his eyes open, taking in a foreign bedroom. Reaching out, he feels cool sheets next to him, broken only by the subtle imprint on the pillow next to him.

Was it real? Taking in the context clues, he can't believe what his senses are telling him. Is he really in Kate's bedroom, snuggled in her bed, after the most amazing, erotic night of his life? His body springs to attention as images flash through his mind. Stretching fully, the slight ache of his muscles and subtle fragrance of Kate's body confirms the truth – it was real. Heart thumping in excitement, he feels the low throb or arousal pulsing between his legs.

The sound of soft footsteps draw his eyes towards the door, his eyes widening as he takes in the sight of Kate Beckett walking barefoot, clad only in his oversized shirt, gliding through the entryway, a steaming cup of coffee in each hand. Hair tousled and wild, face free of make-up, she carefully watches him as she approaches the bed, a shy smile flirting with her lips as she moves towards him.

Holding a cup out, she slowly sips at the other, the silence stretching between them, as her eyes catalog the newly familiar sight of his bare chest, her hungry eyes devouring everything in their path, taking in his morning stubble, her mind flashing to how it will feel against her even as her eyes linger on the sheet covering his lap, twinkling in delight at the tent created by his arousal.

A mischievous grin slides across her face as she breaks the silence.

"Looks like someone's feeling perky this morning." she teases, emboldened by their night together, ready for yet another round even as her body twinges due to their exuberant activities of the night before.

Off balance, mentally salivating at the sight of her sexy appearance, yet feeling far more exposed and vulnerable than he expected, he blushes, his body's automatic response to her causing him a moment of embarrassment even as he tells himself its completely natural.

Faking a bravado he doesn't feel, his mind still sluggish and overwhelmed by all that's transpired, he tries for a light tone. "I'm inspired by you – you bring out the lusty teenager in me." Thinking it really is true, he thinks about the four condoms they've already used and marvels at his body's restorative powers.

Reading him a little too well, she picks up on his discomfort.

She, too, woke up off balance and uncertain. The soft rise and fall of his chest and the warm feel of his body under hers were disorienting at first. When hers eyes snapped open, she panicked, unable to believe she was in bed with Rick. Then she recalled all they'd done the night before, from their quick coupling before dinner to the sensual massage, followed by a shower, after which they'd fallen into bed exhausted. They'd even woken in the early morning hours and languidly made love again. The unfamiliar feelings crowding through her prompted her quick and careful exit, easing out of bed without waking him. She'd deliberately shoved her feelings aside while making the coffee, determined to simply enjoy her time with him without overanalyzing it.

Knowing how much this probably meant to him, yet unable to verbalize where she's at with it, she wants to ease his transition. Ducking her head shyly, she hides her confused emotions from him even as she hands him his coffee. She's had a little while to acclimate to what happened last night, the routine of preparing coffee soothing her. She's never responded so completely and honestly to someone, letting her body's needs and demands override her cautious nature, opening herself up emotionally without realizing it. She's subconsciously accepted that he's seen her like she's never been before, acting in a way she didn't even know was possible. She's absolutely addicted to how he makes her feel, even though it makes her want to run and hide. But her desire to repeat the experience and avoid hurting him outweigh her need to run, which is why she pushes forward.

Understanding he's also off balance, she softens towards him, wanting only to reassure and comfort him as they settle into this new place together. She meets his eyes, tentatively suggesting what she really wants. "I, um, thought maybe we could enjoy a cup of coffee together, maybe snuggle in a little this morning, before we get up and face the day." Carefully, cautiously, like a skittish colt, she approaches him, setting her cup aside while leaning in for a soft kiss. She's never been much of a cuddler, but she finds herself drawn to him, wanting to be wrapped in his strong embrace, reveling in the feel of him wrapped around her, his strong body aligned with hers. And while she'd like to take it further, she knows the sex isn't as important as the comfort and contentment she finds being in his arms, something they both seem to need.

Reassured, feeling slightly foolish, a slow smile transforms his face as he captures her eyes with his, seeing affection and something indefinable and mysterious in her gaze. Responding to her tentative approach and soft touch, he gratefully accepts her kiss, tasting the subtle tang of coffee and sex on her tongue, even as he lifts the sheet, inviting her to rejoin him.

Taking a drink of his own coffee, he realizes she's fixed it exactly as he likes it. Setting it aside, he responds to her suggestion. "That sounds really nice. And don't worry about my morning visitor. I know you must be feeling sore after last night and it'll eventually go away on its own if we ignore it. Besides, we used the last condom a few hours ago…." He trails off, his frank talk making him even more self-conscious, awkwardness creeping back in.

Raising her eyebrows, she rakes her eyes over him again before reaching into the night stand, her hand blindly searching behind her, where it grabs hold of something and brings it between him. With a quirk of one eyebrow and a naughty expression on her face, she hands him the box, an unopened jumbo pack of condoms.

"I've got us covered, Castle." She tells him drily. "But we don't have to do anything you don't want to" she reassures, even as her hand creeps across his lap, seeking out his erection and grasping it firmly in her fist.

"I thought you wanted to cuddle?" he responds, shyness fleeing at the touch of her hand, as his cock eagerly twitches against her palm, the faint beat of his pulse transmitted through the sensitive flesh, his blood quickly heating.

"Cuddling's overrated." She responds, diving under the sheet, her mouth trailing across his hip and stomach as she slowly makes her way south, her fingers brushing the soft curls surrounding his cock before exploring his length. Nuzzling him with her nose and cheek, she inhales the musky scent of him, her body tightening in response, moisture flooding her core, even as she anticipates the feel of him in her mouth.

They'd touched and tasted again and again last night, each time different. Their bodies flame hot for each other; her impatience and desperate need to join with him overriding her desire to enjoy him in this way. While she wants to be joined yet again with him, she wants to pleasure him this way even more. Determined to finally have her way with him, she opens her mouth and sucks him inside, her tongue circling his head, tasting the salty drops of moisture already present, even as she catalogs the sensations that cause him to groan and buck against her.

Taking her time, she circles his length with her tongue and mouth, alternately sucking and licking, before letting him go while she travels to the base of his shaft, exploring every inch of his thick cock. Her hands gently palm his balls, the faint rasp of his curly hair tickling her palm even as the soft skin causes her to carefully explore all of him, seeking out the sensitive nerves that draw moans from him. Slowly, deliberately, she works him, starting with a light touch before increasing the pressure of her hands and mouth, drawing him deeper and deeper into the recesses of her mouth. She's never done this with someone so endowed and wonders whether she'll be able to fully fit him in her mouth. Determined, intrigued, turned on, she begins the process of taking him deeper and deeper, delighting in the sounds she's able to draw from him. Her senses are engaged as she feels his hands gently massaging her shoulders, unconsciously caressing and clutching at her and moving around to her boobs as she pleasures him, her body responding even as she tries to focus solely on him.

Without warning, he pulls her off of him, throwing the sheet off, his chest heaving. Leaning down, he pulls her up, crushing his mouth to hers, tongue tangling, even as his fingers go to her core, feeling the slick moisture between her legs. Pulling back, he gives her a quick grin, releasing her entirely, before spinning around, upside down, facing her, his head diving between her legs. Eyes flying open at the sensation of his tongue stabbing into her, she reaches her hand out and grabs ahold of his cock once more, moving her head in, so she can take him back into her mouth even as she feels his tongue working her throbbing clit while stretching her body with two thick fingers inside her, working her into a frenzy.

Wanting to give as much as receive, she renews her prior activities with a newfound vigor, the nimble dance of his tongue driving her to a quicker, more frenzied pace as she continues to suck and work him, her hands moving rhythmically on his shaft and balls in time with the tempo he's established within her body.

Flushed, thriving, she feels her body begin to fly. Taking care not to bite or hurt him as she feels her climax building, struggling to maintain control as she increases the suction of her mouth, flattening her tongue against the slit at his tip, humming against him, sending him into sensory overload even as she swallows him deeper. Feeling him mumbling something incoherent against her, she senses he's ready to come. Driving him on with her hands and mouth, she relaxes her throat, swallowing him as deep as she can, feeling his hips thrust once before stilling, the salty tang of his come filling her mouth, causing her to moan in response even as she swallows his essence.

Taking her time, she cleans him with her tongue, savoring the taste and feel of him even as she feels him doing the same with her. Body sated, she feels her heartbeat returning to a normal rhythm. Invigorated, feeling even closer to him than before, she lets him fall from her grasp, scooting her body around so they are once again face to face, a satisfied smirk on her face. Leaning in, she kisses him, their tastes mingle together, as she revels in the feel of his arms pulling her in close, his body cuddling hers. Sighing, feeling vulnerable again, she eventually breaks their kiss, soothing him before rolling over, drawing his hand and arm around her even as she pushes her bottom into her groin, encouraging him to spoon. A satisfied sigh escapes from her as she feels him aligning his body to hers, his frame dwarfing hers, settling in behind her from their shoulders to ankles. Bringing his hand up between her breasts, she cradles her hand in his, bringing their joined hands close to her heart. She slowly drifts to sleep, satisfaction, fatigue, and the night's activities once again catching up with her as she falls peacefully asleep, safe in his arms.


	13. Chapter 13: Turmoil

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN: Turmoil**

Exhausted, emotionally fragile, Kate Beckett wakes alone in her apartment, the weak early morning light bathing her in its soft glow. It's been five days since she and Rick were cocooned in her apartment, oblivious to the outside world. With his mother and daughter out of town, they were able to be together, away from the prying eyes of the world, as she enjoyed a few well-earned days off.

That time with Rick was like a vacation. They deliberately and ruthlessly explored each other, each touch a voyage of discovery that led to even dizzier heights. By pushing all of her doubts and fears aside, she was able to focus solely on pleasure – hers and his. And they were absolutely insatiable. Even though they mostly stayed in, they did venture out once or twice to grab some takeout or get him a change of clothes. But they didn't talk about what was happening. They simply dove into their physical relationship with gusto. And oh were they amazing together. Impossibly, things kept getting better and better the more they learned what the other liked. Blushing at the memories, her body automatic responds to the mere suggestion of being with him, moisture gathering between her thighs accompanied by a tingling in her breasts and a fluttering in her stomach. She is not even close to being done with him. And oh how her body misses his. It's been five days since his family returned – the longest five days she can remember. They've managed to grab a cup of coffee here and there, but they haven't spent any quality time together. And she won't be able to see him that way for a few more days yet.

As great as it all felt, she can't help but wonder about the frisson of unease that catches her at odd moments, her anxiety increasing the longer they're apart. She knows he's not coming into the precinct this week in order to work on his deadline. That and he can't seem to keep his hands off her. They haven't figured out how to keep everyone else from seeing what's going on with them, so they've decided to avoid it with one of those short, periodic breaks he sometimes takes in order to write. But she misses him, more than she thought possible.

Before all of this, she knew she was attracted to him. If she was being honest with herself, she'd been attracted even when he was just a picture on the back of the book. But she never expected for him to make her feel so….so...so much!

As she prepares for her day, the worry returns. What was she thinking? How could she let herself get into this situation? He's way out of her league. Sure, what they've been doing is fun, but what's she going to do when he gets tired of her? Ugh, she's a mess. She can't sleep when he's with her and she can't sleep when he's away – although for entirely different reasons. Her tortured thoughts and roiling emotions have her feeling physically ill. Desperate, needing to talk to someone, she taps out a text to Lanie, hesitating a moment, almost deleting it, before she forces herself to send it.

Later, pacing, restless, she roams the precinct, waiting to catch a case even as she waits to see if Lanie's free for dinner. Thankful that Ryan and Esposito are out at the moment, she isolates herself, looking for anything to distract her from the mess that is her life.

The ding of her phone interrupts her obsessing. Lanie's available. Feeling both relieved and leery, she taps out a time and suggests her place. Lanie will help her sort this out. In the meantime, she turns to the mountain of paperwork, hoping the sheer volume will keep her busy until evening.

X X X

The knock on her door startles her. Lost in her thoughts, time got away from her, again. Getting up, she checks and confirms its Lanie before opening the door and letting her in. She greets her with a smile and a hug, thankful for a night in with her friend. Knowing the routine, Lanie hangs her coat up and kicks off her shoes as Kate heads into the kitchen, pouring her a glass of wine. Taking a few minutes, they peruse their delivery options before calling for a pizza from the place around the corner.

Lanie watches Kate closely as she goes through the motions of ordering their dinner. She'd heard from Esposito that something was off with Kate, but she hadn't believed it. Now, getting her first good look at her since she examined her in the ambulance, she can't help but feel that Esposito was onto something.

Kate looks…different. She smiles easily at times, brief flashes of joy peeking through even as dark circles rim her eyes, a slightly drawn expression on her face. She moves smoothly, loosely, a new fluidity to her movements. She's always been graceful, but her grace is somehow enhanced. But she's more jumpy, almost nervous. Unable to put her finger on what's going on, Lanie starts to worry, wondering what has Kate so out of sorts.

"Honey, are you okay?" Lanie finally asks.

Kate abruptly halts what she was doing, eyes going wide, as she focuses back on Lanie, almost as if she'd forgotten she was there. Stalling for time, uncertain how to begin or what to say, Kate takes a big sip of her wine, watching Lanie watching her.

As the silence stretches, Lanie's concern grows. "You're scaring me Kate. Did something happen? Did you get some bad news?"

Eyes filling with tears, Kate shakes her head no, even as she struggles to take a deep breath and answer Lanie. A single tear slips down her cheek, escaping despite her desperate struggle to hold it back. Hastily wiping it away, she tries to reassure Lanie. Her emotions are all over the place. It's a testimony to their friendship and her need to figure things out that she allows Lanie see her like this.

"No, no. Nothing like that. I'm sorry. I don't know what to say. I know I'm a mess but I don't even know where to begin. Everything's just so…"

Concerned, Lanie acts without thinking and pulls her into a hug. "Shh. Honey, it's okay. Whatever it is, I'm here. I'll help you. Just take a deep breath and take a moment. I can wait until you figure out what it is you want to say." Patting her back reassuringly, she feels Kate hold on tightly for a moment. After a few deep breaths, she pulls back, looking a little calmer.

Sitting back, Lanie watches Kate as various emotions flit across her face, her brows drawing together in what looks like confusion.

She gives Lanie a watery smile, heart pounding, as she opens the door to the discussion she needs to have. "I, uh, I took your advice."

Thinking back, at first Lanie can't figure out what Kate means. She gives a lot of advice. Reflecting, she thinks back to their last few conversations. So what…..? Oh! Oh my God! Did she mean? Squeeing like a fangirl inside, she wants to jump up and down but knows that is not what Kate needs right now.

"You mean…Castle?" she asks tentatively, disbelief and a hint of something more coloring her tone. She's been pushing those two at each other for years. Could they have possibly?

Seeing the blush suffusing Kate's face, her guess is confirmed as Kate nods her head.

"Yep. Castle." Kate confirms. Relief in her voice as she finally tells someone what she can't really believe herself, her emotions ping ponging all over the place.

"Oh my God! What happened? When did this….? What did you….? What happened?" Thinking about Kate's tears, she backtracks. "You don't look too happy about this. What happened? Was it awful? Did he do something to hurt you?" Lanie goes from happy to mad and protective in an instant. "I'm gonna have to smack him if he hurt you." She finishes, unable to believe things are already messed up.

"No, Lanie. No. Nothing like that. God, I'm so bad at this." She admits, knowing she needs to explain. "Let me back up."

"It started eight days ago. Right after the bombing case. I can't believe it was only eight days ago." thinking back, smiling now, she gets over her reticence, takes a deep breath and explains.

"So you know all about what happened in the freezer – the near death thing, anyway. I heard what you said that night. I knew you were right. I knew I needed to take a chance. And I'd never really thought of us having already been in a relationship, but we were. You were right about that. But I never expected to act on your advice so soon. The next day, when Castle pulled the wires from the bomb, we were both just so excited and relieved. We went from hugging each other to kissing each other. And it was even better than the first time. I couldn't ignore it anymore. After we took care of all the paperwork, I invited him over. He came over that night…and didn't leave for three days."

Blushing again, remembering everything they'd done during that time, the satisfied look returns to her face, the residual glow from their time together shining through all the fatigue and worry. Suddenly Kate's altered appearance makes complete sense to Lanie.

"Oh. My. God. You and Richard Castle!" she exclaims. "You had that boy every way you could think of, didn't you!" Lanie crows, delighted.

"Lanie!" Kate screams, embarrassed, proud, a million emotions flying through her.

"If you must know, I did!" she finally reveals, her face beat red even as she laughs, unable to contain her glee, knowing her friend is happy for her. "And he's no boy, let me tell you. He is all man!"

Laughing, hugging her, Lanie pulls back. "So if he's all that, why were you sitting here looking like you lost your last friend when I walked in?" Looking in Kate's eyes, she sees the mirth recede, replaced again by the turbulent emotions rolling through her.

"I don't know Lanie. I don't know what we're doing. I mean, he's great. And we're great together, really great together. Like, best I've ever had great together. But it just seems too perfect, you know? Like, what is he even doing with me? Look at his life. And I'm just….We're really different people and we just don't make any sense. I just can't see this working."

"Oh, Kate, sweetie, don't do this to yourself." Lanie admonishes. "Honey, I know you are scared. You've been fighting this thing with him for years. And now that you've finally given in, you're already looking for a way out. You need to relax and let yourself just enjoy him. He cares for you Kate. Any fool can see that. You need to give this a chance and see if it works before you pack up and head for the hills. Just take it one day at a time."

Swallowing over the lump in her throat, Kate looks at Lanie. Is that what she's doing? Is she trying to sabotage this and run as fast and as far as she can? Considering Lanie's words, she realizes she's right. She's scared. She's looking for trouble where none exists.

Nodding her head, she looks at Lanie. "Maybe you're right. "

"Maybe? Of course I'm right. Look, Kate. I know you. You don't let people in easily. And he found a way past your defenses long before you guys took this step. Remember that summer he went to the Hamptons? Your response to that setback was to hide yourself away and then lose yourself in a nowhere relationship with Josh. And we all know you never gave that man half the chance he deserved."

"But, Lanie—"

"I know, I know. I'm not suggesting he was the right one for you. In fact, I know he wasn't. But he was safe. You could keep your distance with him and say you were in a relationship without risking anything. But you can't do that with Castle. And that scares you. I don't blame you – risking your heart is a scary business. But how long are you going to hide from yourself?"

"This is just so hard. I never thought it would be this hard." Looking at Lanie, she sees understanding and support in her gaze. "He just makes me feel so – so much. Sometimes I feel like my body can't contain everything it's feeling."

"Look, why don't you try to relax a little. Don't force it but don't run away from it either. Just give it a chance and see what happens. You know you want to."

"You're right. I know you're right. I'm just freaking out. I just don't want to mess this up. It's too important."

Nodding, Lanie sees just how scared Kate is. She sees the problem clearly. Kate's already in love with him. She just doesn't realize it. And Lanie's not going to be the one to point it out because she'll surely find a way to end it if she realizes it at this point. Kate is not one to risk her heart. It's no wonder she's freaking out. Her subconscious already realizes what she can't admit to herself.

"So, are you guys going public with this?"

"What? No. Definitely not. In fact, you can't tell anyone. Not even Espo." Thinking about all that she's revealed, she decides its time change the subject.

"Not a problem. You know I've got your back."

"Speaking of Espo, what's going on with you two? And don't give me that look. I have two eyes. Castle and I aren't the only ones keeping secrets."

Sighing, knowing Kate's right, Lanie gets a smug look on her face. "Let's just say that you're not the only one feeling that glow these days. I have no complaints where he's concerned….that man has talent." Lanie begins, getting ready to seriously dish about her love life.

Hearing a knock at the door, Kate quickly gets up and takes care of the pizza delivery. As soon as the door closes, Lanie begins spilling, providing far more detail than Kate's willing to share. Laughing, doling out the pizza and wine freely, the two settle in for some serious girl talk. And if they discuss a few new ways to torture their guys, so be it. Thank god for friends, Kate thinks, relaxing for what feels like the first time in days.


	14. Chapter 14: Reunion

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN: Reunion**

The ding of the elevator sounds dimly in the background. Lulled into near sleep by the dull routine of paperwork, Kate's oblivious to the background noise and activity of others. This has to be the longest week of her life.

A cup of coffee appears in front of her, strong fingers curled around the cup. Her eyes snap up into the twinkling eyes of Richard Castle. Her heart jumps as a radiant smile springs to her face and her eyes drink him in, her body rising involuntarily from her chair. Oh God how she's missed him.

Taking the cup from his hand, she starts stepping into his space. He takes a step back at the same time, a look of panic on his face, as he glances around.

"Kate!" he whispers "We're in the precinct."

Oh God. How could she forget? Pulling up short, she freezes, eyes locked on his before she tries to relax her body. Glancing around, she doesn't see anyone paying particular attention to them. Relaxing a little, she tries to act normal even as she feels her body springing to attention at his proximity.

"What are you doing here?" she whispers. "I thought we agreed you were going to work at home this week."

"I missed you. I couldn't stand it. I had to see you."

Understanding, wanting so badly to touch him, she smiles at him. "Me too."

Eyes raking his body, she takes in the way his soft sweater sculpts his chest, his muscles hidden by the line of the jacket. She never realized what a strong body he hid behind his tailored clothes. Now that she knows what she's been missing, her fingers are itching to feel him again. Looking over at the clock, she does some quick calculations in her head. Knowing the boys are out following up on a cold case, she makes a snap decision.

"Come with me." She commands him.

Letting another detective know she's heading to lunch, Kate leads the way to the elevator, Castle following behind. The sight is so familiar that nobody thinks twice about the fact that its not even 11 in the morning.

They silently ride the elevator down together. Walking out the front door of the precinct, Kate walks to the curb and hails a cab. One stops and they climb in.

"Anyone at your place?" she asks, knowing its closer.

He shakes his head no and she gives his address to the driver. As soon as the cab pulls away from the precinct and around the corner, she moves in next to him, her hand grabbing his before resting them both on his thigh. Knowing she won't be able to stop once she starts, she holds herself still but for the gentle circling of her thumb on his hand, the short ride feeling like an eternity. He starts the conversation with little tidbits about his writing, mostly conveying how he can't concentrate and that its going slowly. After a few stilted exchanges, anticipation mounting, they fall into silence, the air heavy with expectation as they get close to his place. Arriving at their destination, he hastily pays the cab driver before escorting her inside.

Once inside the elevator, he pulls her into his arms, kissing her with all the pent-up longing he's been feeling over the past few days and nights. Lost in the feel of him against her, she doesn't even notice when the doors open on his floor. Breaking apart, he leads her to his loft, where he quickly opens the door and calls out to make sure nobody's unexpectedly returned home.

Greeted by silence, he turns to her, a grin on his face.

"Alone at last."

"Finally!" she agrees, quickly moving forward and stripping him of his jacket, throwing it over the back of the couch even as she latches her mouth on his, her hands going to his waist and diving under his sweater, seeking out the hard muscles and soft skin of his body.

"God I've missed you." she admits again between kisses, her mouth peppering his with small little nips and bites, before returning to fully explore its warm depths. Blood pounding in her ears, the low throb between her legs increases as she feels him pressed against her, instinctively rubbing against his hard length.

Pulling her into his body, he opens his mouth and begins seriously teasing her with his tongue, the smell and taste of her overwhelming him. Hands clutching at his shoulders, she pushes into him, desperate for more contact.

Feeling the same driving need, he grabs her with both hands and hoists her up by her bottom, her legs automatically coming around his waist, anchoring her to him. With long strides, he crosses his apartment, aiming for his bedroom even as his mouth continues to explore her mouth and neck.

Kicking the door closed behind him, he quickly crosses to his bed, lowering her onto her back before settling between her legs. The feel of his body pressing her into the bed makes her frantic, desperate to connect with him. Breaking their kiss, chest heaving, her hands lift and pull his sweater up his chest. Frustrated by her clumsy fingers, unable to get him naked fast enough, she barks out a command. "Help me. Hurry!" Without another word, he rises, up, toeing off his shoes even as he pulls his sweater off and tosses it aside. Undoing his pants, he shoves them down, boxers and all. Grabbing her foot, he takes off her boot and tosses it aside, before grabbing her other foot and giving it the same treatment. Looking up, he sees she's already got her blouse undone and is working on her bra, her skin flushed, eyes devouring his body even as she fumbles with her own clothes. Seeing she has her pants undone, he hooks his thumbs in the waistband, grabbing the delicate lace of her underwear at the same time, she lifts her hips, rising up so he can pull everything of, baring her lower body.

Squirming out of her blouse and bra, her eyes devouring him, she watches him, eyes dark with arousal, wandering over every inch of him, as her fingers twitch in anticipation of touching him again. Reaching into the nightstand, he quickly grabs a condom and rolls it on, wanting only to join with her. Eyes returning to her, he stills, his breath hitching at the sight of her, the perfection of her form stunning him momentarily. He'll never get used to how beautiful she is. She's lying back on the bed, raised up slightly on her elbows as she watches him, her tousled hair draping over her shoulders and tickling her breasts. Her eyes are wide and dilated, an absolutely wanton expression on her face, as her breath comes in and out in short pants. Her chest heaves, the perfect weight of her breasts jumping in time with her breathing, the dusky pink nipples tight and hard, begging for his touch. Her legs are parted, the soft curls at her entrance doing little to hide the moisture pooling there. Unable to believe she's his for the taking, he silently thanks whatever god exists for her presence in his life.

Mood changing, he approaches the bed, his initial frantic desire giving way to the need to cherish and worship. Climbing over her, he lets his weight settle between her legs, his cock teasing her entrance even as he brings his mouth back to hers, taking soft sips, before diving in for a long, slow, deep kiss. He lets everything he's feeling for her pour out of him, making slow, gentle love to her with his mouth. Dropping back onto the bed, she follows his lead, returning his gentle kisses, losing herself in the feel of his body pressing into hers. Mesmerized by the feel of his mouth and hands on her, her hands gently knead his shoulders and back before trailing up and down his spine before settling firmly on his hips, trying to keep her grip on reality as her body spins out of control, desire overwhelming her.

Taking his time, he gently makes love with her, his body joining with hers, drawing out the experience. His slow, deliberate intrusion into her is an exquisite torture, the feel of him stimulates her, body and soul, as he drives her higher and higher, his drugging kisses pulling her under as she tumbles more deeply in love with him. Unable to think, only feel, her body follows his lead, cherishing the feel of this man in her arms. Hazel green eyes locked with blue, she sees something swimming in his eyes that has her drawing back, trying to retreat even as her mind resists naming that which shines so clearly from him. Unable to look away, the connection between them too strong, she lays open, emotionally exposed as her climax catches her by surprise. They climbed the hill together, the slow building pressure spreading throughout her entire body, before releasing at her center, the spasms going on and on as she feels the twitch and pulse of his body within hers, a low groan of satisfaction spilling from him. Overwhelmed, frightened by what she's feeling, she closes her eyes, clutching him to her, as his body relaxes over hers, pushing her further into the bed.

The need to tell her he loves her builds, struggling to burst free. Knowing his heart has already been irrevocably captured by her, he fights an internal debate, wanting only to give her the words that scream inside his head, looking for a way out even as he knows its too soon. She's not ready. In those last moments before their climax, he'd swear she felt it too – the look in her eyes haunting him, making him feel cherished and loved, even as he saw the fear fighting for dominance. Her body conveys what her heart feels, but he senses she's fighting it, fighting herself. When she closed her eyes and hid from him, he knew the timing wasn't right. Heartbroken yet hopeful, he holds her close, raining soft kisses down on her, giving her the physical expression of what he so desperately wants to tell her.

Bodies cooling, he frantically searches for what to say, knowing this is a critical moment for them. Too serious and she'll run. Too light and he'll feel like an ass. Debating what to do even as he continues to hold her, he jumps when he hears her phone ringing from somewhere nearby. The feel of her soft hands pushing against him cause him to roll off her, freeing her.

Giving him a quick look, an enigmatic expression in her eyes, she dives for her phone, pulling it out of a pocket, before clearing her throat and hitting the button.

"Beckett" she answers, her voice a little huskier than usual. "What? Where?" Pausing for a moment, she closes her eyes and listens, then says, "Okay, text me the address, I'll meet you there." Closing the phone, she avoids looking at him, even as she starts gathering her clothes.

"That was Espo. Body drop. I've got to go." Rising up, he stills her with a touch of his arm. Pulling her in, he gives her a kiss, hand gently rubbing circles on the back of her neck.

"Kate. Look at me." Her eyes reluctantly meet his. He looks…wounded. "Do you want me to come with you? I know we agreed I'd stay away this week, but I can…"

He looks so uncertain. Shaking her head quickly, knowing she's responsible for somehow hurting him, she lets out a big sigh and tosses her clothes on the bed, needing to fix this. Moving in, she wraps her arms around him and snuggles her head into his chest. Thinking back to her conversation with Lanie, she recognizes her attempt to protect herself and run. Gathering her courage, she forces herself to do the right thing. Drawing on the joy she feels just being with him, she pulls back, looking him in the eye, a more relaxed smile playing at the corners of her mouth, as she takes a page from his book and lightens things up.

"No. Let's stick with the plan. I know this wasn't what you were thinking when you came by the precinct earlier, but I can't seem to help myself." Giving him a quick kiss and a squeeze on the butt, she starts to move back. "I really do need to get to the scene. If it looks interesting, I'll give you a call and you can join us." She offers, dressing again as he watches her, his body relaxing slightly now that she's acting more normally. Sitting down, she puts her boots back on, runs her hands through her hair, pulling it back out of the way before standing up again.

"Let me just use your bathroom a moment and then I'll be on my way."

Retreating into his bathroom, she closes the door, where she uses the facilities, before washing her hands and looking in the mirror. She looks like she's been ravished and takes a few minutes to fix her appearance, although nothing will hide the healthy flush on her cheeks or her slightly swollen lips. Feeling better than she has in days, she focuses on taking it one day at a time. By the time she exits the bathroom, she's found her equilibrium. Looking up, she sees Rick has his jeans back on, the top button still undone, wearing a smile and little else. Wishing she didn't have to go, she sighs, as she takes a moment to appreciate his body. He looks so sexy she doesn't even notice the sandwich wrapped in a paper towel until he holds it out to her, a shy smile on his face.

"Since you already took your lunch break" his eyes dart over to the bed, a satisfied grin crossing his face, "I thought I should get you something to eat since you probably won't get another chance."

Thinking she doesn't deserve him, she reaches up and kisses him, before taking the sandwich from him. "Thanks, Rick." Leaning in, she deepens the kiss momentarily, before breaking it off and resting her forehead against his. "I've gotta go" she says reluctantly, grabbing his hand and pulling him with her as she heads for his door.

"I know." He says, reluctant to part. Kissing her again, he feels his blood start to heat up, ready for another round. Groaning, he pulls back. "Go, woman. Or I might not let you out of my sight the rest of the day."

Laughing, feeling light and free, she returns his kiss before opening the door, scooting away, a smile on her face and a spring in her step as she heads to the elevator.


	15. Chapter 15: Temptation Lane

**CHAPTER FIFTEEN: TEMPTATION LANE**

"Detective Beckett, a word please?" Martha approaches, a smile on her face. Her effusive personality draws attention everywhere she goes, even on the set of the long running soap opera that is Temptation Lane. Kate can't help but smile. She's always liked Castle's mom, appreciating the affection and quiet strength she masks so skillfully with her over the top personality.

Looking around, Kate realizes everyone else has faded into the background, getting back to their jobs. Even Castle has made himself scarce after interrupting Martha's "rehearsal" with Lance. Curious, thinking she may have found out some useful tidbit of gossip, Kate quickly agrees.

"Sure, Martha. What can I do for you?"

Placing a hand on Kate's arm, Martha takes a few more steps away from everyone else, giving them a little more privacy.

Lowering her voice, she leans in and confides in Kate, squeezing one of her hands between her own. "I just wanted to tell you I'm so happy that you and Richard have finally taken a chance on each other. I've never seen him so happy."

Nonplussed, a slight blush coloring her cheeks, Kate just looks at Martha, unable to form a reply.

"Oh no. Now I've embarrassed you. Really, dear, it's nothing to be embarrassed about."

"When did he tell you?" Kate finally manages to ask, giving in, knowing there's no point in denying it.

"What? Oh, he didn't. But it's perfectly obvious. Like I said, I've never seen him so happy. And I must say you're looking even more ravishing than usual as well." Giving her hand a quick squeeze, Martha continues, barreling over Kate's obvious shock. "I know I have you to thank for his great mood lately. I just wish you weren't sneaking around. I mean, really, you two are consenting adults. You've nothing to be ashamed of."

"What?" Kate responds, a little louder than she meant to. Looking around quickly, she lowers her voice. "I'm not ashamed! It's just – it's uh, complicated with my work and all. We just want to keep it under wraps for now. But I'm not ashamed of him. I could never be ashamed of him." She tells Martha sincerely, a little horrified at the thought.

"Oh, yes, well, your work." Waving her hands as if it's perfectly obvious, she dismisses her concerns immediately. "Of course, that makes sense. And you can count on me. I won't say a word."

"Thank you Martha. Um, does Alexis know?"

"I don't think so. At least, I haven't said anything and I don't think Richard has either. But you guys really should tell her. That way you can at least be together in the privacy of our home as well as yours. She'll be delighted. Quite frankly, I'm surprised Richard hasn't said anything yet."

Nodding her head, knowing Martha's right to be calling them out on their secrecy, she tells her "I'll talk to him about it. I've told him he can tell you and Alexis whenever he was ready. I know he wants to be the one to tell her, so I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't say anything to her."

Nodding her head, Martha agrees. "Just one more thing dear." Serious now, Martha looks at her, a motherly expression on her face. "I know how difficult this is for you. I've watched you two since the beginning and I see how much you've both changed. This isn't going to be easy for either one of you. You both have a tendency to hide your feelings and that can be tough. But you're everything I could want for him and more."

Stunned, touched, Kate can only look at Martha, taken aback by her whole-hearted approval.

"The only thing I ask is that you please be careful with his heart. I'm sure you've already figured out he's nothing like that playboy persona he puts on for the public. But what you might not realize is that he feels things very deeply. And I haven't ever seen him give himself so wholeheartedly to someone like this before. I'm glad he's found you. I think you guys are going to be great together."

Surprised, thoughtful, a lot intimidated, Kate realizes that Martha has just delivered a velvet coated warning. Knowing she speaks the truth about Castle's true nature, Kate looks at Martha and thinks carefully before responding, feeling the weight of expectations falling heavily on her shoulders.

"I don't know what's going to happen Martha. All I know is that when I'm with him, everything seems so simple. I don't want to hurt him. And I don't want to get hurt. The only thing I can promise you is that I won't purposely do anything to hurt him."

"That's all anyone can ask for dear." Giving her a hug, Martha pulls back and smiles at Kate, a little twinkle in her eye. "And just so you know. Alexis is spending the night at a friend's house, so there's no need for him to rush home tonight."

With a chuckle and a wave, Martha saunters off, leaving a blushing, chagrined Kate Beckett staring after her.

X X X

Losing himself in Kate's eyes, affection flowing between them, he looks down at her holding the photo of the Temptation Lane cast. Knowing how she became a fan of the show brings him that much closer to her. Not wanting their night to end, he throws out the invitation. "So the boys and I are going to the Old Haunt. Care to join us?"

"Are you kidding? There's no way we can keep this from them if we go to the Old Haunt together. You've already been pushing the envelope with all your little comments and flirting during this case." Giving him a look, she decides to play a little.

"Besides, I thought I'd go home and take a bath. Get soapy, as it were…" Throwing his words from earlier right back at him, she gives him a seductive look, her eyes lingering on his lips, before she runs her hands down her sides, smoothing her top, drawing his gaze to her figure. Her mind flashes back to the last time they showered together. Feeling a little ping between her legs, she shifts, easing the pressure a little.

"I can cancel and meet you there." He offers eagerly, wanting nothing more than to join her.

"No way, Castle. If you back out now they're going to know something's up. Why don't you go have a drink with the guys. Since Martha knows and Alexis has a sleepover, you can just come over to my place after. Okay?"

"Um, sure, yeah. That sounds great." He agrees, knowing it's going to be the fastest drink on record. "I'll just be – I'll see you in a bit." Getting up, he gives her a lingering look before heading for the elevator, a smile on his face.

X X X

Hearing the knock on her door, Kate smiles. Glancing at her watch, she sees it's only been an hour or so since she left the precinct. Tightening the belt on her robe, she walks over and looks through the peephole. Seeing Castle on the other side, she smiles, opening the door and letting him in.

"Oh my." He says, taking in her appearance. Eyes raking her, he sees she's just come from the bath. Her face is flushed from the heat, her eyes slightly dilated in the low light of her apartment, lips luscious and red. Her hair is put up in a messy bun, wet wisps of hair sticking to her neck. Drops of water trace down her neck and into the deep vee of her silky cream colored robe, which is cinched tightly at her waist. The robe itself drapes over her curves, her damp skin causing it to cling to every curve and hollow of her body. Her nipples are coiled tightly, pushing against the thin fabric, calling to him. Her toned legs peek out from under the short hem, their golden color drawing his eye. Swallowing quickly, Castle takes a step towards her, drawn by the seductive sight in front of him.

"It may not be a fur coat, Castle, but it's the best I could do on short notice." Her husky voice interrupts his perusal of her gorgeous body.

Confused, thinking about what she's said, it takes him a moment to realize she's making a teasing reference to the actress' seduction of the producer from the case they just closed.

"This is so much better." He tells her, truthfully, thinking that nobody can compare to her.

His eyes are drawn to her hands, which begin toying with the neckline of her robe before they drop to the tie, teasing him even as her eyes catch his, a smirk on her face.

"You're killing me, Kate." He admits, stepping closer to her, his hands automatically reaching for her hips, pulling her into him, before he lowers his head to kiss her.

The faint whisper of scotch teases her senses as she opens to him, tongue eagerly tangling with his, the sharp flavor of the alcohol combining with his familiar taste. The feel of his strong body surrounds her, the soft fabric of his jeans brushing against the damp skin of her legs. His muscles are solid against her chest, making her feel delicate, feminine. And the hard ridge of his erection pushes against her stomach, letting her know how affected he is by their closeness. She revels in the familiar rush of her body tightening in response to his proximity, anticipating his next move, her body preparing itself for their time together.

"Mmm, Castle." She interrupts, pulling back slightly, even as her arms snake around him and she backs up towards the couch, pulling him with her. "We need to talk a minute."

Hearing those dreaded words spill from her mouth, he pauses, pulling back to look in her eyes. Seeing the serious expression on her face, he feels his pulse jump, fear beating out desire.

"Sure, yeah. What did you want to talk about?" he manages over the lump in his throat.

"Relax, Castle. It's nothing bad." She smiles, reassuring him. "It's just, I've been thinking about what your mom said to me today."

"I'm so sorry about that. I don't know how she figured it out. I still can't believe she cornered you like that."

"It's okay. I'm not upset. I just think we should talk about it, that's all. She did have a point. I think you should tell Alexis about us, before Martha slips up and says something or before she figures it out. Martha made me realize we're sneaking around like we're doing something wrong. And we're not. There's no reason for us to hide this from our families."

"Of course we're not doing something wrong. Do you think I'm ashamed of you Kate?" he asks, realizing that's a possible interpretation of what's going on here.

"No. No. Not at all. I know we talked about keeping it to ourselves and I still think that's the right thing to do at work. But I don't think we should keep hiding this from your family."

"Okay. Well, how about this. Why don't you come over for dinner tomorrow night and we'll tell Alexis then. Is that okay?"

"Um, sure. If that's how you want to handle it. Oh, and I should tell you that Lanie knows." She admits, knowing he has a right to know.

"Lanie! Kate! No wonder she was giving me those looks earlier." Thinking about Lanie's knowing looks, he's almost afraid to ask. "Just what did you tell her anyway?"

Deciding to torture him a little, she teases "Well, let's just say she knows you are a very talented man."

"What?!" he squeaks. "What does that mean?" Instinctively moving his hands to protectively cover his groin, he blushes, feeling exposed. "Did you tell her about…"

Laughing, she lets him off the hook. "No, Castle. I didn't give her any intimate details. Don't worry. She may be my best friend, but I don't share those kinds of details. But she does know we're together now. And she's happy for us – and sworn to secrecy. We can trust her."

"That's just…" looking at her laughing, her eyes dancing with glee, he can't believe she just played him. "Why, Kate Beckett, you little minx."

Tackling her, pushing her back on the couch, he starts tickling her, knowing exactly what spots are most sensitive. "You're going to pay for that, Kate."

Shrieking with laughter, she wiggles against him, joy at being with him spilling out of her. Reaching up, she pulls his head down to hers, catching his lips with hers even as she giggles against him, making quick work of the buttons on his shirt, revealing him bit by bit to her questing fingers. Reveling in the feel of him over her, her laughter quickly turns to sighs and moans as he begins torturing her in other, equally skilled ways.


	16. Chapter 16: Nighttime Reverie

**CHAPTER SIXTEEN: Nighttime Reverie**

Eyes opening slowly, Kate peers through the darkness, seeking out the dim glow of her alarm clock to check the time. Groggy, realizing its a little past two a.m., she closes her eyes again, snuggling back into the warm nest of covers, craving sleep. Curled up on her side, she feels the soft rasp of the sheet shifting against her skin, the light weight of the blankets cocooning her, a velvety soft barrier to the cold night air. Drifting, barely awake, the night sounds soothe her, lulling her back towards sleep.

Feeling more relaxed than she has in awhile, her body stills even as her thoughts won't be quelled, intruding on her peace. Slowly, she becomes aware of subtle differences in her bedroom. She's naked. And really warm. And snugged up tight against another naked body. A strong, muscular, familiar body. Tuning into her surroundings, her senses feed her information, telling her all is well in her world. She feels the rhythmic rise and fall of the chest behind her, his soft exhalations stirring the hair at the nape of her neck. The muscular arm draped over her hip lies next to her, the downy hair on the arm tickling her fingers even as the large hand rests relaxed, cupping her breast in sleep. Long, muscular legs tangle with hers, tucked in behind her knees, dwarfing her slender form.

Taking a deep breath, Kate inhales the familiar smell of Castle, combined with the musky odor of sex, a potent cocktail teasing her senses. Her nipple tightens reflexively as it rubs against the palm of his hand. Unable to stop herself, she snuggles more deeply into his embrace, his body automatically accommodating hers, even in sleep.

Content in a way she's never felt before, she lies there, spooning, as Rick sleeps quietly beside her. What is she going to do with this man? This kind, gentle, amazing man. Well, aside from the obvious, which she's been doing every chance she gets….A smile ghosts across her face, traces of satisfaction and something more softening her features.

Here, during the dark hours of the night, wrapped in his arms, she allows herself to think about a possible future with Rick. It's something she wants more than she ever thought possible. She still shies away from defining just what they have together. And she adamantly refuses to label her feelings for him. But they manifest themselves in small ways. A whisper. A touch. A smile. Small actions initiated by her that paint a clear picture that she's too close to clearly see. She's never allowed herself this type of intimacy before. In the past, she's always held a part of herself back, going through the motions of a relationship. Not any more. She finds it impossible to give anything less than all that she is.

And she always maintained a strict physical separation after sex, unable to sleep with someone else in her space, crowding her, smothering her. That's all changed. She doesn't find his presence cloying or unwelcome in any way.

She's changed. Tremendously. Reflecting back on the past few weeks, Kate admits that she likes this new and improved Kate Beckett. She feels so light and free. Quicker to laugh and joke. And touch. She finds satisfaction in everything, no matter how mundane and ordinary. Everything looks brighter, shinier, more interesting.

She never knew it could be this way. She never knew she could be this way. He pulls responses from her she didn't know she was capable of. And her heart jumps with joy whenever she's with him. She's got it bad.

He's amazing. Everything about him draws her in. His smile. His hands. That great butt. And his mind. Oh how she loves his mind. He has depths only hinted at before. It's like he carefully hid his deeper thoughts from her before. And now they spill out in the most simple of circumstances. Funny, thought-provoking, sometimes truly profound, he has a unique perspective that appeals to her.

She was always attracted to him physically. But he was so immature when they first met. But then she saw him with his family. He was so much more with them. And she started to look deeper and caught glimpses of something more. He had hidden depths. Substance. The longer they worked together, the more she realized the true nature of the man. Now, as she gets to know him outside the precinct, in a far more personal way, she realizes how much of himself he conceals behind the façade. Except now he's letting her see it. More and more frequently, he lets his guard down. And so does she.

Feelings rush through her, tripping and tumbling around in her mind, bringing forth a secret smile as she thinks of all the ways they work well together. But there's a small, very hidden part of her that can't help but worry that it's all going to be yanked out from under her with a careless word or thoughtless act. That fear lives deep in the heart of her insecurity, whispering and teasing that she doesn't deserve him. That he'll leave her too.

But. He says all the right things. He wants to spend all of his time with her. He is so attentive when they're together. And he can't keep his hands off her. But what does it all mean? How does he really feel? She's never known him to last in any of his relationships. He chased her for so long before she gave in. Now she can't help but wonder if he's going to get tired of her soon once the thrill of the chase subsides. She fears it, that inevitable change that will occur as time goes by.

What they have burns hot. After denying themselves for so long she thinks it'll have to cool down soon. Won't it? Will it burn out? Is that their future? Does she want it to be? Or does she want to try for something more?

Her heart races at the thought of losing him. There has to be more. She needs it to be more. She's not ready for this to end. Struck by the realization, she tenses, shutting down her thoughts, unwilling to imagine what that could look like, afraid to hope for that future. With him.

Taking a deep breath, she tries to relax, seeking that feeling of peace she had when she first awoke. Focusing on her breathing, she calms herself. One day at a time. She can do this. One day at a time.

Glancing over at the clock again, she realizes she's been lost in thought for at least 45 minutes. Mentally chastising herself, she knows she's going to pay for this in the morning if she doesn't get some sleep. Smiling, knowing just what she needs, she tightens her hand over his, bringing it more firmly around her breast, pulling him closer to her body. Pushing back against him, she wiggles her hips and feels him respond, his growing erection swelling against her.

Her body is already primed. It's been prepping itself for their inevitable coupling while her mind wandered. It's always like this now. She hears his voice and her stomach clenches. He walks into a room and her knees get weak. She's perpetually wet and ready for him. Her mind thinks of him a million times a day and her eyes are drawn to him, constantly, mentally stripping him, anticipating all the ways they can explore and satisfy each other. If she didn't have so much practice hiding herself from the world it would be obvious to those around her. But they aren't surrounded by others right now.

Anticipation thrumming through her, she nudges him. She feels the subtle shift in his breathing, the tightening of his arm around her, the reflexive squeeze of his hand over her breast even as she continues to move in tight little circles against him, the hard length of him pressing hotly between her legs.

He's awake. Oh, he's definitely awake. The feel of his hot mouth closing over her skin, sucking gently on that spot on her neck causes shivers to run down her spine, her body automatically pushing against his, legs adjusting her position to permit him entrance into her body. Without a word, he enters her from behind, sliding between her wet folds, burying himself deep inside of her.

A low moan spills out of her, the feel of him sliding slowly into her, his thick length filling her fully causing her body to clench down tightly around him.

"Kate, love…" he whispers, groaning in response to the feel of her velvety muscles clenching him, every inch of him caressed and held within the strength of her body.

Slowly, certainly, he moves inside of her, one hand coming around and seeking out the tight bundle of nerves at the apex of her thighs. Unerringly he finds it, circling it gently, languidly with his finger, a slow, sleepy rhythm that causes her body to slowly build towards its climax, every nerve and synapse firing in response to the sound and feel of him around her and in her.

Incoherent sighs and moans fill the room, the slide of sheets and whisper of skin on skin creating a nighttime symphony, beautiful and perfect in its own way.

All thoughts flee from Kate's head. There's only the feel of her lover moving inside of her, his hands caressing her, bringing her to greater and greater heights. Mindless, she follows his lead, giving herself over to everything flowing through her.

"Love me, Castle…" she whispers, unaware the words have escaped even as she feels her body clench in ecstasy, the feelings he inspires overwhelming her yet again, her body responding to the call of his.

Caught up in the perfection of the moment, his heart clenches and he feels the tears building behind his eyes, as he loses himself in her, showing her in every way he knows how that he loves her.

And even if they can't say the words, they both know. She's his, in every way that matters.


	17. Chapter 17: Chez Castle

**CHAPTER SEVENTEEN: Chez Castle**

Nervous, leg jumping with anxiety, Kate watches the clock count down towards five. Tonight is dinner at Castle's. Tonight they are telling Alexis. While part of her believes everything will be fine, another part of her worries that Alexis will be upset.

Even though Alexis has always been friendly with her in the past, she knows it's going to be different now that she and Castle are…..what? Boyfriend and Girlfriend? That sounds so juvenile. Lovers? Definitely. But she can't say that to Alexis. Partners? True, but it doesn't really capture it. Oh why is she worried, Rick said he'd handle telling her.

Shifting gears, she wonders how Alexis will react. She's had her dad to herself for quite awhile. And even though he's been married before and had various flings, she's noticed he's been careful not to bring women home to Alexis, other than Gina. Recognizing on some level that things between them are different from his past relationships, she can't help but worry that this will all blow up in her face tonight.

Will Alexis be upset? Resent her? Accept it? Have questions for her? Ugh. Why is this so hard?

Sighing, she lets it go. It is what it is. Knowing she has no control over Alexis' response, she can only be herself and hope for the best. Resigned, dreading the upcoming dinner, Kate wraps up her paperwork and heads out, determined to go home and change to something a little less formal before heading over to the loft.

X X X

Stomach clenching, Kate takes a deep breath and lets it out. The moment has come. Tightening her grip on the bag in her hand, she wraps her knuckles on the door.

"Kate!" Alexis exclaims, opening the door with a wide smile on your face.

"Hi Alexis."

"Dad said you were joining us tonight. Come on in." Giving her a smile, Kate relaxes a fraction, the girl's natural charm and greeting helping ease some of her anxiety.

"I brought some wine and sparkling cider to go with dinner." Holding up the bag, Kate follows Alexis inside.

"Great. I love sparkling cider." Alexis chirps, her enthusiasm seemingly genuine.

Looking across the way, she sees Castle at the stove, a dark green apron covering his sweater and jeans, hot pads covering both hands. Eyes meeting his across the room, she smiles, even as she starts to walk towards the kitchen, intent on delivering her offering.

"Hey Castle." Eyes raking his body appreciatively, she enjoys seeing this domestic side of him.

"Hey. Just a second." Putting a pan into the oven, Rick pulls the oven mitts off his hands, before coming around the counter. "Lasagna should be ready in about 15 minutes."

Coming up to her, he takes the bag she's offering, his eyes conveying a much more intimate greeting even as he restrains himself.

Mindful of Alexis' gaze, Kate simply smiles at him. "I brought a red wine to go with dinner, along with some apple cider. Hope that's okay."

"Yeah, sure. Thank you."

'What can I do to help?"

"Umm, we're mostly ready. Maybe you and Alexis can finish setting the table?"

"Sure." Kate responds, looking at Alexis. "Point me in the right direction."

Putting actions to words, Alexis grabs some wine glasses and points to the silverware drawer, encouraging Kate to finish the place settings, even as Castle starts opening the bottles, preparing them for dinner. Kate begins to relax, the everyday activity soothing her nerves.

"Ah, Kate. How lovely to see you again!" Martha trills, making her grand entrance down the stairs.

Kate looks over and smiles at the wild paisley lounging outfit Martha has donned for the evening. "Hi Martha. Good to see you too."

Accepting her brief hug, Kate appreciates the extra squeeze Martha gives her, knowing she has her moral support for the evening.

Before she knows it, dinner is on the table and they're all sitting down to eat. At first, they talk of the mundane. Alexis fills everyone in on the AP exam schedule and her plans to study for it. Martha revisits the tragedy at Temptation Lane and Rick and Kate throw in a few tidbits here and there. It all seems to be flowing nicely.

Then Alexis looks at her dad.

"So. Is there something you want to tell me?" she asks, a little smirk on her face.

Hastily setting down his wine, Rick's eyebrows shoot up and he looks at Kate guiltily before turning back to Alexis.

"Um, yeah. Now that you mention it. We uh, I mean that is, Kate and I, uh." Blushing, uncomfortable, Rick fumbles for the words, unprepared for Alexis' direct question. His eyes frantically seek out Kate's, making a silent plea for help.

"What your dad's trying to say Alexis is that we're together now." Kate tells her, looking her calmly in the eye. Thinking it seems to fit, she mentally congratulates herself. They are together. Nothing more, nothing less. Accurate as far as it goes, ambiguous as to what it means for their future. It seems like a fitting description.

Martha looks on, calmly sipping at her wine, a silent toast in the offing with the tip of her glass towards Kate, as she watches the drama unfold.

Silence greets Kate's remark. Alexis looks back and forth between the two of them, an unreadable expression on her face. After a few more beats, Kate's stomach drops, a feeling of dread overwhelming her.

"Okay." Alexis finally responds, before smiling. "Took you long enough Dad." She teases, taking another bite of her lasagna.

Letting out a deep breath, Kate feels the tension melt away. Rick's eyebrows shoot up, surprised. Reaching over, he grabs Kate's hand under the table and gives it a squeeze before turning his attention back to dinner. Table talk resumes, as if nothing momentous had occurred.

"Who wants to play games after dinner?" Rick asks as the meal winds down.

"Oh, Dad. Not again!" Alexis groans.

"Not me." Martha said. "Not my style."

Rolling her eyes, Alexis looks over at Kate, "He always wants us to play video games with him. At least now he has you to suffer through it so I can take a break."

Laughing, Kate responds. "I'll give it a try. But only if you show me first."

"Okay. Sure." Alexis agrees. "Just don't be surprised. Games bring out the teenage boy lurking inside of him."

"Hey! I'm right here." Rick complains.

Eyebrow raised, Kate just looks at him, knowing Alexis description is probably accurate.

X X X

After clearing the table, Martha and Castle shoo Kate and Alexis towards the TV, telling them they'll handle clean-up so Alexis can give Kate a quick tutorial. Turning on the XBox, Alexis pops in the latest copy of Halo and tells Kate that her dad's been obsessed with it lately.

Setting it on co-op mode, she runs her through the controls and briefs her on what's expected. Always a quick learner, Kate picks it up quickly and soon finds herself blasting away at the enemies with Alexis. Working together, they make quick work of the level, advancing quickly. Before she knows it, Castle is back in the room and fidgeting, waiting for a turn to play.

Alexis smiles at Kate and hands the controller over to her dad. "Better you than me." She comments, grabbing a book and curling up on the couch next to Kate.

Before she knows it, Castle is smack-talking his way through the game. Even though they are supposed to be working together to take out the bad guys, he can't help himself, always rushing ahead and showing off, his hours of game play showing in the efficient way he kills the enemy. The air is filled with his random comments, at time boasting even as he continues to "teach" her to play the game.

"Boo-yah! Take that Sucker!"

"Oh yeah, come to papa."

"Kate, you've got to duck and run, shoot from cover and roll out. Like this!"

Half the time, Kate is so entertained watching him she forgets to play until he chastises her.

"Hey. You're supposed to be helping out."

"Oh. Sorry." Blasting away, Kate tries to focus. Looking over at Alexis she raises an eyebrow, questioning if he's always like that.

Shaking her head yes, Alexis confirms "He's always like this."

Rolling her eyes, Kate returns to the game, having fun in spite of his childish antics.

The first time it happens it's an accident. She went to throw a sticky bomb at the enemy just as Castle's character stepped in front of her. Instead of hitting the alien, it latched onto his armor and blew him up.

"What?! NO WAY! How did he kill me?" Castle protests, pouting over his demise, unaware he was the victim of friendly fire. Stifling a laugh, Kate takes a quick look at Alexis, who's trying hard not to laugh.

Because he can't respawn until Kate dies, she finally gets a chance to play, showing off her own skills. Her competitive nature won't let her die just so he can join in. And she's better than he thought. After sitting awhile, he gleefully jumps back in as soon as they both respawn. Knowing she's challenging his skills, he works a little harder each time, trying to rack up more kills than Kate.

After that, Kate picks her spots. As soon as he gets too cocky or starts to pull ahead, she throws a sticky bomb at his character and then steps in front of him, charging the aliens. Each time he dies, he becomes more outraged.

"I swear there's something wrong with this game! There's no way they could hit me from there!"

Martha, picking up on what's going on, sits down to enjoy the show. Castle's so focused on showing how good he is he doesn't even realize that Kate is deliberately sabotaging him. Caught up in what she's doing, Kate makes a tactical error and accidentally throws a sticky bomb on him in between waves of aliens.

"What? How? There's no way they could kill me! There aren't even any aliens!" he complains, outrage in his tone. "This game cheats!"

Looking over at Kate, hoping for some moral support, he sees Alexis, beat red from trying not to laugh . The slightly guilty look on Kate's face, Alexis' expression and his mother's twinkling eyes lets him know he's been had.

"What? How could you…? I can't believe you killed me!" he squeaks, outraged.

Laughing uncontrollably now, Kate puts down her controller and begins imitating him, dropping her voice, throwing out some of his more choice smack talk phrases.

"Oh, Castle. The look on your face." Taking in heaving breaths, Kate can't control how hard she's laughing, her sides hurting as she struggles to get herself under control.

Alexis, delighted to see her dad taken down a peg, joins in, her own giggle competing with Kate's.

Looking around, Rick realizes he's outnumbered. Giving in gracefully, he gets up, trying not to pout as he sets down the controller. "All right. Fine. It's time for ice cream anyway."

Heading for the kitchen, he watches as Kate logs out. Alexis whispers something to her as they shut down the game. Martha, delighted at how well everything has gone, gets up to refill her glass and help Rick.

"She's a handful, that one."

Still smarting, yet oddly proud of her, he smiles. "Yeah. She is." He agrees, content, even though she got the better of him.

Looking over, he sees Kate and Alexis sitting together, auburn and red hair tilted towards each other, laughing over something. Tonight went so much better than he thought it would. Thinking he's the luckiest man on earth, he dishes up the ice cream.

"I'll get her back though. Just you wait." He promises, affection in his tone.


	18. Chapter 18: Jealousy

**CHAPTER EIGHTEEN: Jealousy**

It's ridiculous. He knows it's ridiculous. But he's impotent with jealousy. Over a dead man.

Before they were together, he didn't know anything about Royce. When he suddenly showed up, Castle was equally curious and jealous. Curious because Royce provided insight to a young Kate Beckett. Jealous because he clearly meant a lot to her, even if she denied it. And more, he brought out a lighter, freer version of Kate that Rick has rarely seen but always knew must exist. The woman he sometimes glimpses when they're alone together.

Looking back, he knows he felt threatened by Royce. Because he sensed Beckett's feelings for the man went deep. And their joint experiences bonded them in a familiar way that he couldn't compete with. He knows all too well the hold your first love has over you. And he is almost certain that Royce was her first true love.

That former jealousy had quickly waned and turned to anger when he realized that Royce had betrayed her trust. His protective instincts had kicked in and he put aside any feelings of inadequacy in order to provide the backup and sounding board she needed. And they moved on, together.

Things have been amazing the last few months. But he sees the turmoil she's feeling over Royce's death. Her emotions are ping-ponging all over the place. And she's shutting down. Shutting him out. Removing herself physically and emotionally. And he doesn't know how to stop it.

So now he's back to feeling an overwhelming sense of jealousy. Before, he'd suspected that Beckett had been in love with Royce and he'd felt wounded. The fact that she might still be in love with him threatens him beyond reason. Because he desperately wants her love and he's not sure she'll ever be able to fully give it to him.

So it's true. He's jealous of a dead man. Royce is dead. Even though he hurts for her, part of him feels relieved. And that makes him feel petty. He's relieved he doesn't have to compete with Royce for her time. But it's harder to compete with a memory than a flesh and blood man who makes mistakes. So he worries. His heart aches. He's terrified that he's losing her. And he doesn't know how to stop it from happening.

The look on her face when she viewed Royce's body confirmed Castle's worst fears. She loved him. Was maybe even in love with him. She won't talk about it. Won't let him in. And now she's cast herself in the role of avenger. She is about to embark on a quest to bring Royce's killer to justice, similar to the quest that's driven her after her mother's killer.

She's beyond reason, beyond regulation. She's defying orders. Emotions are driving her. With every defiant step she's proving, without a doubt, that Royce holds a special place in her heart. A place Castle desperately wants to be.

His love for her won't let her go it alone. But his jealousy is tearing him apart. He wants to confront her, demand that she tell him what he means to her. And declare his feelings for her. More, he wants to declare to the world that she's his. He wants to brand her and never let her go. He wants to tell her everything he feels.

Instinctively, he knows it's a mistake. If he were to push her now he'd likely lose her forever. So he can only stand by. Show up. Continue to take what she's willing to give and offer all that he is. And try to hide his desperation. He feels it rising in him during every hug, every kiss. He knows he needs to be strong and trust that there is more between them. That she can feel his love for her. And that she can trust what they've started to build together.

Looking over at the seat beside him, he watches Kate sleep as they fly towards L.A. He's not there because she asked him. She did the opposite, hiding her intent. He's there only because he tricked her, followed her, upgraded her seat and showed up after she had the ability to send him away. So now they fly into the unknown in L.A.. Towards vengeance and justice. For Royce. Castle prays for strength and wisdom and the ability to hold her close and safe, even as he feels her slipping away. And hopes, desperately, that she'll somehow reassure him that she has room in her heart for him.


	19. Chapter 19: Comfort

**CHAPTER NINETEEN: Comfort**

Castle is acting strange. She didn't notice it at first. She may be running on adrenaline and caffeine, but over the past few hours she's started noticing subtle changes. Something is different. She can't figure it out. But she doesn't like it. It scares her.

Maybe it's L.A. Maybe it's because they're more in his world than hers right now. Whatever it is, she can't pinpoint it and doesn't know what it means for them. Watching the scenery fly by on their way to the hotel, she thinks back over the last day, searching for answers, worried about him.

Seeing Royce's body shook her to her core. He wasn't the man she thought she knew. He'd been important to her once – a steady presence while her life spun out of control. She'd felt betrayed when he misled her. But he didn't deserve what happened to him either. While she'll always be grateful for what he'd taught her as a rookie, whatever feelings she'd had when she was younger are gone, their memory a distant whisper, as if they'd happened to someone else.

Regardless, Royce deserves justice. And she feels obligated to provide it to him, if only because he'd been her lifeline during a difficult period of her life. She feels driven to pursue this, knowing it's irrational yet helpless to stop herself. Getting cut out of the investigation and sent home like a disobedient child set off her temper, causing her to stubbornly entrench herself in the case. She's been so focused on proving everyone wrong and chasing his killer that she'd stopped thinking rationally and started acting on emotion, blindly chasing leads without back-up. It's been years since she's been so impulsive and stupid.

It wasn't until she was shown her up-graded seat that she realized her tunnel vision had caused her to shut out the one person she needs most.

Castle. Thinking back to that moment when she discovered him sitting there, she felt like she's found her port in a storm. He's been a constant presence in her life. Showing up when she needs him, knowing just how to support her, help her. Filling her days with smiles and diversions and her nights with…everything. He's become so embedded in her life that she sometimes forgets and takes him for granted. But then he reminds her, simply by being there. She's ashamed of how selfish she's become, how narrow-minded and needy, always taking from him without giving him something worthy in return.

So many feelings rushed through her when she saw him sitting there in first class, a tight smile on his face, eyes unreadable. Seeing him, she felt swamped with an overwhelming sense of relief. She didn't have to do this alone.

Her greeting to him was not the best. Seeing him there, she was swamped with remorse. Embarrassed. Contrite and a lot angry at herself. She should have called him. Told him what she was doing. Asked for his help. But she didn't. And now he's there, and she's grateful. But she doesn't know how to tell him all of that so she says nothing. Just sits next to him and tries to act like everything's okay. But it's not and she knows it. So she covered her feelings of inadequacy with meaningless conversation, instead of telling him all of that.

She slept restlessly on the flight, in and out of consciousness. Waking or sleeping, he was there. She was thankful he was there, propping her up, holding her hand when she reached out to him. Sharing her burden. Supporting her. From a careful distance. Maybe that's it.

The last few days he's been different with her. More reserved. Less open. When they touch, which isn't often, he holds her tight – almost too tight. But then he lets her go and backs off. She doesn't recall him reaching out to her, which is unusual. Uncertain, unable to pinpoint precisely what's changed, she sighs, letting it go for now. She may not know what's going on with him, but they're together, so it can't all be bad. Maybe it's her turn to just keep showing up.

Exhausted, she studies him as he navigates the freeways of L.A., intent on getting them to their hotel. Under different circumstances, she'd love this opportunity to have him all to herself, away from everything and everyone, just the two of them. Even as she knows she has to focus on the case, she can't help but think ahead to the time they can steal together. She needs that time with him. Now more than ever. And she senses his need for it too.

If only she didn't feel so numb. And scared. She knows she's a little out of control and hates it. If she could just rein it all in and relax a little she might be able to find the courage…and the words. Maybe then she could tell him how much his presence by her side means to her. But she's not there yet. She doesn't know if she'll ever be able to articulate exactly what he means to her. All she knows is that she's grateful he's there.

X X X

The doors close quietly behind the bellboy. The soft snick of the latch announcing they are finally alone, their cross-country travels over for now. Looking around the suite, Kate takes in the opulent surroundings. He's thought of everything. A suite to protect their privacy. A spare room if she needs her space. His momentary embarrassment over the quickly cancelled couples massage was funny, yet a little heartbreaking. She knows he doesn't want her to feel disposable, like so many that have gone before her. He constantly surprises her with his thoughtfulness. His sensitivity to her moods. Her needs. He makes her feel so special.

But a niggling sense of doubt intrudes. Why did he get a two-room suite? Maybe he wants his space. They've hardly touched each other since she first got the call about Royce. And he's kept his distance on the plane, in the car, on their way up in the elevator. Even now, he's focused on unpacking his things, leaving her in the main room by herself. Why is he pulling away from her?

Sighing, confused, she turns to his room. More than anything, she just needs to be near him.

He pauses when she walks in, shirts clutched in his hand as he turns toward her, his path to the open drawer arrested by her interruption. An inscrutable expression on his face, he glances back at the drawer, continuing his task, taking items from his suitcase one and two at a time and placing them carefully in the drawer. His actions deliberate, methodical, the silence stretching between them broken only by the thump of his hands knocking against the drawer as he places items inside.

At a loss to understand his mood, his actions, she pauses, hesitant to approach him. Not knowing what to say or do, she watches him for a moment, feeling more awkward now than she did that first night they were together.

When did this distance creep in? Why are they like polite strangers? Why has he retreated so far away from her? This silent man is not the Castle she knows, at work or in private.

Shaking her head, unable to stand it any more, she forges ahead, determined to break through his reserve. Taking quick strides towards him, she steels herself for possible rejection even as she hopes for something more.

Grabbing his socks out of his hands, she tosses them into the open drawer before pulling his hands behind her, needing to feel him wrapped around her, even if it's just a hug. She can't ask for what she needs, but she can show him.

He hesitates for just a moment before giving in, his arms tightening heavily around her as she pulls him into her. Tucking her head under his chin, she relaxes, aligning her body to his, the familiar feel of him calming her, making her feel safe.

Sighing, she revels in the comfort he brings to her. And feels him relaxing in turn. The tight clutch of his arms around her eases slightly, as he holds her more naturally. Their bodies have become acclimated to each other. She's more comfortable with him than alone. Without thinking about it, she snuggles in closer, knowing she needs sleep and that she won't sleep if he's not with her.

"Thank you, Castle."

He starts at her words, pulling back and searching her eyes with a questioning look even as he tightens his arms around her again.

"Of course, Kate. " Hesitating, he asks "For what?"

"For just being here." She responds. Seeing he doesn't understand, she forces herself to continue, fighting herself as she lets the words fall, her quick, staccato bursts of words saying more clearly than the words how difficult this is for her. "I'm sorry I didn't call you and tell you my plans. I wasn't thinking clearly. I've been on my own for so long it didn't even occur to me to call you and ask for your help. But I want your help. And I'm glad you're here."

Hands soothing his back, she rubs a soft pattern up and down his spine as she confesses the truth to him. "I uh, I need you here, with me."

Shyly looking up at him, she searches his eyes, willing him to understand how much she means what she says. She is grateful for his presence. But she's beginning to realize how much she needs him. More than she would have imagined. And even though every self-preservation instinct she has urges her to hide her need from him, she can't. He deserves to know. It may not be much, but she needs to give him this not-so-little truth.

His tight expression eases at her words, a hint of a smile playing at the corners of his mouth, even as the serious look in his eyes lingers.

"Then I'm glad I'm here." He responds, some of his anxiety easing at her words. He can tell she's struggling to articulate what she wants to say. Inside he marvels at her words. She needs him! And she admitted it to him!

Closing his eyes briefly, he pulls her in for another hug. It's enough for now. Pulling back, he searches her face, sees the emotions roiling through her, the dark circles under her eyes underscoring the fatigue evident in every action she takes. Feeling some of that same fatigue, he loosens his hold, his hands soothing her back and sides, returning that comforting touch that she's been unconsciously using on him the past few minutes.

Knowing they both need rest, he leans down and places a soft, tentative kiss on her mouth, needing this small reassurance from her. Without hesitation, she kisses him back, giving and taking comfort.

For once, neither one of them escalates the kiss. Instead, they simply hold each other, their mouths sealing the strong connection between them, hands soothing, bodies aligned. Breaking apart, they smile softly at each other.

"Let's get some sleep." He suggests, knowing she must be ready to fall over from exhaustion.

"Okay." She agrees.

Pulling away from him, she begins stripping out of her clothes, dropping them in a pile, the automatic movements of her body slow and clumsy, a silent testimony to how far she's pushed herself towards the brink of collapse. Crossing to the window, he pulls the drapes closed, cutting out the evening sun before turning down the bed covers. By the time he's finished with the routine chore, she's nude, slowly moving towards the bed and climbing in, her eyes half closed already. Following her lead, he undresses, tossing his clothes over a nearby chair before climbing in beside her and turning out the light.

Once he's settled under the covers, he turns towards her. Even as he reaches out for her, she scoots back into his body, seeking out his warmth. His arms wrap around her as she settles further into the mattress. Her hand reaches down and captures his hand, pulling it up and drawing him in close, tucking his arm across her body, hands entwined just below her chin, as she falls into sleep, safe in his arms.

"G'night Rick." She mumbles, sleep taking over as her body relaxes, driven to the brink of exhaustion.

"G'night love." He whispers back, before following her into dreamland.


	20. Chapter 20: KISS

**CHAPTER TWENTY: KISS**

Pouring another glass of champagne, Castle leans back, eyes tracing Kate's form. The sun is setting outside the window, the blues and greys of night pushing out the crimson glow that lit up the sky just moments before. Shadows creep across her face with the dimming light, creating a more intimate feel.

They toyed with catching a late flight back to L.A. But after the difficulty of the last few days, they both needed a break, unable and unwilling to jump back into the regular world.

So here he sits, a beautiful woman in front of him, the glow of the fading sunset behind her, the twinkling lights of L.A. taking over, creating a quiet moment out of time for the two of them. His eyes trace the tight fitting white t-shirt she's wearing, her curves beckoning even as he holds himself back, knowing they should finish dinner before starting anything else. She's so much more relaxed now that they've caught Royce's killer. It reassures him.

"I can't believe we met Gene Simmons." Kate startles him with her change of topic, the twinkle in her eye catching his attention. A little fan girl peeking through.

"I know. That was so cool. Did you really dress up as him for Halloween?"

"Yeah. I thought he was _so_ sexy back then." Chuckling, she thinks back to how goofy it all was and how she'd worked so hard to put together that costume.

"I had this really great pair of black platform boots. That's what gave me the idea. My friend was having a 70s themed party. I dyed my hair black and frizzed it out like he did. Full face make-up, studded jacket and leather pants. My parents totally freaked out when I walked out of my room and bit into a fake blood capsule and it dribbled down my chin. It was so awesome!" Laughing harder now, she thinks back to how crazy that night had been and how fast she'd had to talk to get around her parents objections and convince them it was all in fun.

"I'd love to see a picture. Do you have any?"

"I'm sure I do somewhere. Maybe if you show me yours I'll show you mine." She teases, a lightness in her voice that's been missing the past week or so.

"Mmm, I'm sure we could arrange something." He murmurs.

As he speaks, she abandons her perch on the opposite chair and moves over next to him, deliberately crowding him a little.

With another flirty look, she takes a sip of her drink and sets her glass down on the table.

"You know, Castle, I can totally picture you as Gene Simmons."

"Really?"

"Yeah. You're so big and muscular. And you've got that great chest and biceps." Voice lilting with her description, she traces her hands lightly over his body as she describes the resemblance, lifting an eyebrow in appreciation as she watches him shift uncomfortably. "I bet you looked _really_ sexy in tight leather pants."

Staring him down now, she drops her voice to a husky whisper. "And I already know what your tongue can do. You're a natural."

"Kate!" he stutters out, blushing furiously, aroused and caught off guard, he's surprised by the sudden turn the conversation has taken. It's not that he's embarrassed, exactly, it's just that the knowing tone in her voice has him contemplating just what she might be thinking.

"What's the matter, Castle, can't handle a little role play tonight?" Her voice is husky, her eyes dark and mischievous, a small smile toys at the corner of her mouth. She knows she's got him right where she wants him.

"Uh – Wh—What did you have in mind?" he stutters out, images quickly coalescing in his mind.

She quickly stands and moves towards the bedroom, giving him a quick smile. "Wait here" she admonishes, a little wink punctuating her exit.

Going into the room and closing the door, she quickly toes off her shoes and shucks off her jeans. Grabbing a tight mini-skirt, she puts it on, leaving miles of leg fully exposed. She slips her bra off from under her shirt, her nipples puckering in anticipation of what she has in mind. A quick tease of her hair, some dark lip stick and she's ready to go. Quickly grabbing her phone out of her pants pocket, she scrolls through her music list and picks out some old Kiss songs and starts them playing, remotely connecting with a Bluetooth stereo in the hotel suite. The sound of "Detroit Rock City" fills the suite, the pounding rhythm of the music creating a musical back drop.

Kate begins dancing her way out to where Castle waits, her body's movements causing her breasts to sway and bounce provocatively. Her tight skirt sets off the curve of her ass and the long, long line of her legs. He's a sucker for her legs.

Castle stands, his feet seemingly moving of their own volition, a dumb struck look on his face as he takes in her transformation from controlled detective to sexy rock groupie. Getting into the spirit, he grabs the champagne bottle and takes a swig, before he starts moving in time to the beat, singing the words to the song as he watches her dance and seduce him without even trying.

Dancing over to Rick, Kate grabs the champagne bottle from him and takes a swig before pouring it down her front, making her t-shirt instantly transparent, the cold liquid causing her nipples to pucker even tighter.

"C'mon Rock God. Show me what you've got." She demands, her voice low and smoky.

"Oh God" he stutters out, almost swallowing his tongue at the sight of her perky nipples poking against the wet fabric, her arousal clearly outlined through the transparent material. His erection jumps at the sight of her, almost painful as it fights the constriction of his jeans. God he wants her.

Hands grabbing at him, she begins dancing sinuously against him, feeling his arousal rubbing between her butt cheeks as she crowds into him and around him, hands groping his ass and sliding against him as she teases and taunts him.

As she makes another pass in front of him he grabs her, his large hand swallowing her breast, the feel of the wet material creating friction even as he pulls her back into his body. He lowers his head and latches his mouth onto the juncture between her neck and shoulder, sucking on her pulse point. Turning her around, his mouth descends, lapping at the traces of champagne on her skin before latching onto her breast, nipping at the turgid peak, sending lightning bolts straight to her core, a whimper escaping as her body responds to his touch.

She forgets all about the music in the background. Lost in the feel of his touch, the songs change automatically, a whisper of sound compared to the rush of blood in her ears as she revels in the feel of him against her, his mouth on her breasts, the clinging material of her t-shirt rasping against her skin, building her arousal.

The playful urgency she felt before increases tenfold. Her hands start grasping at his waistband, cupping his ass, pulling him into her while she grinds against him. Frustrated at the lack of contact where she wants it, she abandons her tease and works her hands around to his front, wanting to get inside his pants so she can feel him hard and hot in her palm. Anticipating her intent, he abruptly pulls her hands away from him, denying her the access she wants.

"Nuh-uh. I'm the Rock God. You do what I say." Taking control, he holds both of her hands clasped in his, behind her back, causing her breasts to thrust towards him. He continues to give them attention with his mouth, teasing and tormenting her even as he gently pushes her back towards the table. Reaching his destination, he drops her hands and cups her hips gently, lifting her onto the table before using his body to force her back onto it.

Stepping between her legs, he smiles as she automatically opens them, making room for him even as she grabs him behind the neck and pulls his mouth towards hers, tangling her tongue with his in an erotic duet.

Running a hand up her leg from her knee, he teases her inner thigh, drawing little patterns on it, before reaching up where her underwear should be.

"You naughtly little groupie." He pulls back and smiles, delighted to feel her naked beneath the skirt, her lips already hot, wet and swollen. She gasps, her breath hitching at the feel of him probing her, tracing her lips, dragging the moisture up towards her clit before retreating just shy of his goal. Dipping a finger inside of her, he feels her hips straining and moving, trying to get friction on that place she needs it the most.

"Oh no you don't." Withdrawing his finger, he brings it to his mouth and sucks it inside, tasting her, watching her as she watches him. Her cheeks flush, her arousal evident everywhere he looks. Kissing her soundly, he shares her flavor with her and begins using his tongue more deliberately, mimicking what he wants to do to her even as he eludes her hands, denying her the intimate contact she craves.

Pulling back, he watches her through half-closed lids, his eyes dark with arousal. Her chest heaves, her breasts begging for more attention. Skirt bunched at her waist, her legs lie open, the glimmer of her arousal painting her thighs, even as her muscles quiver, nerve endings on fire. Dropping suddenly to his knees, he begins licking up the sides of her thigh, tracing random patterns and words on the way to her core. With one hand he pushes her skirt further out of the way before holding her hips steady while his other hand snakes over her stomach before palming her breast, his teasing so light and deliberate her anticipation is almost painful to experience.

Pulling back, he waggles his tongue at her, imitating Gene Simmons briefly, before giving her an absolutely filthy look filled with expectation as he continues his journey.

Huffing out a laugh at his antics, she tries to keep still, knowing when he's like this she's going to have to wait until he's ready to give her what she wants.

And he definitely makes her wait. Slowly, torturously, he traces his tongue everywhere but where she needs it most. Goose bumps chase their way across her skin. Light, teasing, he knows just how to work her body. Her inner muscles clench, needing contact. Her clit throbs, alert, begging for attention. Unable to stand it any longer, she begs. "Rick, please. I need you."

As if he's been waiting for her words, he captures her clit with his mouth, sucking it firmly between his lips before tonguing her rapidly, giving her warmth, friction and pressure where she needs it most.

"ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod" she begins, the litany torn from her as her body races out of control, her hands clutching at his scalp as she holds him in place. Plunging two fingers inside of her, he teases out her g spot and ruthlessly drives her up and over the peak, fingers and mouth working in tandem as he feasts on her, her hips picking up the tight rhythm he's set. She screams his name as he continues driving her towards another peak, ruthless in his ambition to send her flying again and again. Mindless, she begs, "More, oh god please, more. I need you, Rick. Just you."

Hands tugging at him, he realizes she wants all of him. More than happy to comply, he stands and rips his jeans open and pushes them down, freeing himself. Without hesitation, he plunges into her, her arousal coating him as he slides home, burying himself to the hilt.

The sound of his name on her lips, her voice filled with need and desire, almost takes him over the edge. Holding himself rigidly still, he pauses, waiting until he regains some control, before pulling back out. Teasing her, teasing himself, he stills, the head of his cock barely inside of her, waiting until her eyes are on his. Seeing she's still with him, he rubs himself against her clit a few times before he plunges back into her, claiming her as his, filling her completely again and again.

"Harder, Rick." She pleads, meeting him thrust for thrust. Grabbing her legs, he pulls one foot over each shoulder, giving him more space to work, driving himself deeper inside of her.

The involuntary sounds being torn from her send him spiraling out of control. Feeling her body clamp down on his, he explodes, coming inside of her in a gush, the feel of her body rhythmically milking him causing him to freeze, his body flushing with endorphins, the wave of ecstasy filling him, overwhelming him. Gently lowering her legs to the side of him, he collapses on top of her, momentarily exhausted. "Only you." He whispers, knowing nobody else could ever compare. She's it for him. She clutches him harder, moved by his words.

After a few moments, the wet sticky feel of her shirt penetrates the fog he's in. Reaching up, he gently brushes the hair off her cheek and leans in to give her a sweet, loving kiss. Returning the kiss, she clings to him, her hands soothing his back and sides, ferreting out the little spots she likes to touch and hold, reassuring them both.

"So, Rock God," she finally manages, a smile in her voice. "Wanna get me out of these sticky clothes and into a shower?"

Letting her lighten the moment, he thinks his time to push is coming. But he can wait.

"I thought you'd never ask." He responds, the deep tones of his voice causing a sexy shiver to run down her spine. Gently disentangling himself from her, he kicks his pants off from around his ankles and scoops her up and carries her towards the bathroom, peppering kisses along her jaw and mouth along the way. A quick pinch on his ass startles him. She's feeling frisky tonight!


	21. Chapter 21: Progress

**CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE: Progress**

Sitting back against the headboard, Kate's exhaustion pulls at her. This entire trip has taken so much out of her. As fun as last night was, she ruefully admits to herself they probably should have gotten more sleep. She just can't seem to help herself when she's around Rick. Oh well.

Sighing, she looks through the letter from Royce one last time. His words challenge her in a way that's entirely uncomfortable. He, too, saw how much she cares for Castle. Apparently her feelings for Castle are an open book to those closest to her. For someone who prides herself on her poker face, she finds the thought disturbing.

She still can't pinpoint exactly what he means to her. All she knows is it scares her. He means too much. And she's terrified she's going to mess it up. She's already taken the chance Royce was urging her to take. But now that she's in the middle of something with him, she can't help but wonder when it's all going to fall apart. Tensing up over the idea of it, she stares blindly at the letter, her thoughts a million miles away from what Royce has written, focused instead on all her fears and insecurities around her relationship with Castle.

After a long reflection, Kate slowly tunes into her surroundings once more. She can't hear the shower – or anything else. It's too quiet. Looking up, she sees Castle leaning against the bathroom doorway, studying her. She was so caught up in her thoughts she didn't hear him come in.

His hair is adorably wet and mussed, a towel wrapped low around his waist, his arms crossed over his chest as he watches her silently from where he leans against the doorway. His face is closed off and unreadable once more. A small, involuntary smile creeps in as she sees him, her eyes raking his body appreciatively.

"Hey. Been standing there long?"

"Long enough" he responds, cryptically.

Pulling up short at his tone, she really looks at him. With dread she realizes that she's getting that weird vibe she got when they first arrived in L.A. Something's wrong. Off. Hastily folding up the letter from Royce, she tucks it in her book on the bedside table and gives him her complete attention.

"Is everything okay?" she asks him, concerned yet not sure how to approach him.

"I should be asking you that."

Looking him over, she can feel him withdrawing from her. After the night they just spent together, she thought everything was fine. Apparently it's not. Worry creeps back in, drawing her brows together, erasing the smile from her face, causing her to draw up tightly into herself. Unconsciously, she pulls her arms into her sides and crosses them over her chest, pulling her knees up in front of her, the sheets covering her body, still naked and warm from their earlier activities.

"I'm fine. But you don't seem to be."

Castle doesn't miss her protective gesture, her posture giving away her discomfort.

"I can't compete." he finally responds, a bleak look in his eyes.

Confused now, Kate just looks at him blankly.

"What are you talking about?" she asks him, puzzled. "Who are you…"

"Don't act dumb, Kate, it doesn't suit you." He cuts her off, angry that she's denying it.

Hurt by his attack, she pulls back emotionally. Watching him, she sees him angrily stride over to the dresser, grabbing random clothes out of the drawers. Flinging his towel away, he starts dressing, his movements sharp and hurried. Thinking over his words, she has no idea what's going on.

"What are you talking about?" she asks, exasperated. Something is terribly wrong. She feels her heart drop into her stomach. What the hell just happened?

"Castle!" Nothing. He ignores her. Feeling like she's been punched in the gut, she recoils as if she's been struck.

"Rick!" she calls out, a tremor in her voice that she can't control. Tears swimming in her eyes now, she has no idea what's wrong or how to fix it. "Please, talk to me. Tell me what's going on."

Something in the tone of her voice must get through to him, because he stops what he's doing and looks over at her.

Seeing the anguish on her face, he pauses. He's only seen her look this devastated when talking about her mom. Could she really have no idea?

Slowly, cautiously, he takes a few steps closer, studying her, trying to see if she's playing him. Uncertainty sweeps through him. She looks confused, hurt. Realizing he may be a little off base, he says the first thing that comes to his mind, the jealousy he's been fighting all weekend rising to the surface.

"I can't compete with him Kate. He's dead! How do I compete with that?" His voice cracks a little, the emotion he's feeling creeping out.

What? Does he mean Royce? Does he think she still…Oh. Wow. Talk about dense. She didn't see this coming at all. Taking a deep breath, she lets it out, trying to gather her thoughts. Patting the bed beside her, she looks at him, wanting him to sit. She has to fix this.

Giving in to her unspoken demand, he sits on the edge of the bed, still closed off from her, but listening. Reaching out, she grabs his hand, needing to connect with him.

"Rick, there's no contest. You win. Hands down." Rubbing her thumb over his hand, she soothes him, hoping the sincerity in her voice gets through to him.

"What? I mean – what do you mean?" he finally asks. "I saw you Kate. Before, and again just now…with his letter. You love him. You weren't lying before when you said you were in love with him."

The pain in his voice guts her. She should have seen this coming. Closing her eyes, she takes a moment. God, this is so hard. Castle has always had trouble when others have shown an interest in her. She's been so blinded by everything she's having trouble accepting that she didn't realize he was struggling too.

"No, Rick. You've got it wrong."

"Bullshit Kate. I'm not blind." The anger creeps back in and he tries to pull away.

Oh my god. He's jealous. Irrationally, unreasonably jealous. Why didn't she see this? How could she be so oblivious?

"You don't understand. It's not like that."

"Then tell me, what's it like." He throws each word at her. The hard staccato sound of his voice makes cuts her, his own pain hurting her further.

"Okay. But please, just…just listen. It's hard for me to talk about this."

The sincerity in her voice gets his attention, so he waits.

"Royce meant a lot to me. He was a lifeline to me when I was just some confused, angry kid intent on justice for my mom. He's the only one who understood what drove me. And the only one who could get me to back off when it became too much."

"You were in love with him." He accuses, cutting to the heart of it.

"I don't know." Looking at him, she sees he doesn't believe her. "I really don't know. Maybe. It was all so long ago. I loved him, yes. He was the only one there. My dad…well, you know about my dad. There was no one else I could lean on. But was I in love with him? I'm not sure I even know what that is Rick. I cared about him once. But that died out a long time ago."

"Did you—Were you—" he can't even formulate the question. "Never mind. I don't want to know."

"No! No. It wasn't like that. Rick. You have to believe me. You are not competing with him in any way. I'm sorry he did what he did and that he was killed for it. I felt like I had to see this through. That I owed it to him. He was there for me at a time when I didn't know which way was up. But what I feel for you-" stopping abruptly, she hesitates, unsure what she was about to say.

He just looks at her, his heart in his eyes.

Taking a chance, she lays it on the line. "Look, I don't know what I feel for you. I just know I need you in my life."

Seeing the disbelief, the uncertainty, she digs deep. "There's nobody else. I don't want anyone else. When I wake up and you're there, everything's right in my world. And I don't know what that means. I just know I couldn't stand it if you walked away right now. I don't know if I could take it." Eyes swimming with tears again, she falters, overwhelmed with despair over the thought that he's about to walk out on her. "I thought we were going to give this a chance."

Taking a deep breath, he lets it go. All of it. "We were. We are." He responds. On some level, he trusts what she's saying. He's never been so insecure about a woman in his life.

"You really aren't….?" he asks again, needing a little more reassurance.

"How could I possibly want anyone else when I've got you? Opening up, she pulls him to her, a teasing lilt creeping into the serious tone of her voice. "You're my Rock God." Softly, sincerely, she reveals "You're my one and only. Come back to bed. Let me show you what I mean. When I'm with you I can barely think, there's no room for anyone but the two of us."

"Promise?"

"I promise." Putting actions to words, she kisses him sweetly, softly, letting everything she feels for him guide her. Drowning in the feel of him, she soothes him with her mouth, her hands, her body. Slowly undressing him, she lets every touch, every caress convey what she's feeling for him, how much she needs him. Focusing only on him, his needs, his feelings, she shows him what's in her heart. As she loses herself in the familiar rhythm, the thought slips into her mind, teasing her. Suddenly certain, it dawns on her. She's in love with him.


	22. Chapter 22: Love

**CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO: Love**

Snuggling deeper into his arms, her mind races as her body relaxes. She feels incredible. Connected with him in a way she never thought possible. She feels like she's discovered a secret side to herself, one she had no idea existed. She's in love with him. She never really thought she was capable of falling in love. Every girly dream, every hidden fantasy of playing house, every needy part of her that she's ruthlessly suppressed fights to be free. She wants to tell him. She needs to tell him.

She's terrified. What if he doesn't feel the same way?

God, she misses her mom right now. Closing her eyes, she thinks back to when she was a teenager. She distinctly remembers a conversation she had with her mom. She'd just been dumped by her first boyfriend and thought the world was ending. Her mom had been there, dispensing hugs and advice. She'd told her that boys would come and go, but real love was hard to find because love wasn't just an emotion. It was an action. When you truly loved someone you showed it in many different ways. She'd told her to keep the faith, that there was someone who was perfect for her out there and that she'd probably have a lot of boyfriends before she found him. But that she had some growing up to do first. When the time was right, he'd come into her life. She might not even realize it at first, but one day, she'd know. There'd come a point when she'd just know. And all of the uncertainty would fade away.

She didn't realize the wisdom of what her mom was saying at the time, thinking it didn't make any sense. Now she realizes just how prescient her mom's words were. And how much she wishes she could talk to her, tell her she's found him. And that she was right.

Lying cuddled in Rick's arms, she finally understands. She misses her mom so much. Wants so badly for her to know Rick. But she knows that her mom would be happy for her. That talk from so long ago settles Kate. Her mom was right. She knows.

"Kate?" he asks, the husky rumble of his voice sends shivers down her spine. "Are you okay?"

Turning in his arms so she can look at him, she smiles, the radiant look on her face stunning him. She's so beautiful. Hair tousled, face relaxed, his heart skips, and he's falling for her all over again. When she smiles at him like that he feels invincible. Seeing something new in her eyes, his breath catches, stunned. She looks so…open. So free.

Eyes locked with his, she drinks in his appearance, still flushed from their activities, his familiar face so dear to her. Reaching up, she traces his brow with her finger, feeling the familiar planes of his face before cupping his cheek and jaw in her hand, tenderness in every gesture, every touch.

"I've never been better." She responds honestly. Leaning up, she gives him a sweet kiss, intimate and loving. Pulling back, she searches his face, her eyes dancing with his.

"I just figured it out." she hesitates, seeing his brows draw together.

"What?" he asks, a little puzzled by her comment.

"I'm in love with you. I've completely fallen in love with you." Laughing, she reaches in and spontaneously kisses him again, her joy a tangible feeling in the room.

Stunned, he stills, his hands tightening on her hips almost painfully as he searches her face. Tears spring to his eyes as he sees the sincerity, and the love, shining in hers. Pulling her closer, he squeezes her tightly in a bear hug, his large body dwarfing hers before he lets out a big breath and pulls back, his eyes locked on hers. His voice is shaky, filled with emotion that overflows as he tells her.

"God, Kate. I'm so in love with you. I never thought….You…You really love me?"

Eyes tearing up at the sight of this gentle man brought to his knees by her words, she nods, her throat choked closed with emotion. Sealing her mouth to his, she kisses him again, all the pent up emotion binding them closer together than they've ever been before. And then, as is their way, it changes. She lightens the kiss, turning playful once more, her mouth nipping and dancing with his, the joy she's feeling taking over.

Pulling back, laughing now, relieved, delighted, she rolls them over so she's on top, her arms pressing into his chest as she looks down at him, her smile even more brilliant than before. "Yes. Yes. Yes. A thousand times yes. I love you Rick." Punctuating each yes with a kiss, her enthusiasm and playfulness catches hold.

Responding, he brackets her hips with his hands, tickling her ribs and making her giggle while his eyes sparkle with delight. Rolling them back over, he looms over her, his large body pressing into hers in the most delicious way.

"I love you so much, Kate." Wiggling his hips, he settles more securely against her. She feels him hardening against her inner thigh and feels her body responding. They're insatiable.

Eyes locked on his, she picks her moment before she flips them again. "I want to be on top this time," she tells him, a saucy grin on her face.

Looking up at her, he marvels at the sight of her looming over him. She's so gorgeous. And she loves him. Eyes softening, face lighting up, he grins up at her. "Whatever you want. Just say the word."

His eyes rake her body, his knowing, sexy twinkle urging her on. They've gotten so good at this. Her nipples respond to his look, tightening reflexively, as she throws her head back, pushing her tousled hair out of the way and exposing the delicate lines of her throat and collarbones. Holding her hair out of the way with one hand, she braces herself on his chest with her other hand, leaning down so she can kiss him. Heating up quickly, she kisses him again, moaning as she grinds against his erection, feeling him slide along her lips and rubbing against her clit. Toying with him, with herself, she plays like that for a minute before escalating things. Unable to help herself, she rises up, impaling herself on him.

Breaking their kiss, she adjusts her angle until she can feel him hitting that spot deep inside of her that turns her to mush. Letting out a moan of appreciation, she braces a hand behind her for balance and begins moving, undulating softly against him, reveling in the feel of him inside of her, the undulation of her hips, stomach and chest so natural, so sexy. Her golden skin flushing pink, eyes locked on his, she lets everything she feels for him show, her love shining through, her emotions stripped bare before him.

Raising up, Rick pulls pillows behind him to support his back, changing the angle slightly to drive himself deeper into her, connecting more firmly with her, even as his hands reach for her breasts, the urge to touch her too much to resist. Eyes widening in pleasure, she lets out an incoherent little sound of approval, as she watches the soft flush overtake his body, his arousal taking hold and driving them both.

Thrusting gently up into her, he fights for control, the sight of her, the feel of her hot, wet channel clenching him tightly inside of her driving him wild, consuming him. They find a rhythm that has them building towards climax slowly. Each hot little grind and thrust creates a gently growing storm, sweeping them up in its path, driving them into a maelstrom of sensation. They climb towards the peak together, driving each other higher and higher, expressing their love with their bodies, their eyes locked together, openly revealing the deeper emotions they both feel for each other. They've never felt so connected, so cared for, so loved. Wrapped up in each other, nothing else exists but this, them, together.

Reaching, thrusting, straining, Kate feels her climax take over, her whole body clenching, the waves of pleasure going on and on. The feel of him thrusting up into her pulls his name from her in a husky moan as she watches him, letting him see everything she feels for him while she drinks in his love for her. Fingers diving towards her clit, he touches her lightly, knowing how to draw out her pleasure, prolonging her orgasm, driving her up and over again and again.

"I love you." The words flow between them, echoed and repeated as they show each other every way they know how what they mean to each other. Bucking up into her, he lets his body take over, spilling into her, the rhythmic clenching of her muscles milking him. Her name on his lips, he comes, wrapping her in his arms, holding her tightly to him, his love for her overwhelming him.

Collapsing onto his chest, she holds him tightly to her, reveling in the feel of him in her arms. His hands gently cradle her, one on her hip, the other on the soft curve of her ass. He peppers her face with soft kisses, his hands rubbing soothingly along her skin, each touch a whisper on her skin. Gently, tenderly, he cradles her in his arms, every touch, every gesture an affirmation and declaration.

Cuddling into his body, she closes her eyes, content to lie with him like this endlessly. As she slips off into sleep, words, a thought, whisper out, teasing her mind, so soft, so light, she's not sure whether they're real or imagined.

"_I'm going to marry you."_

They echo in her mind, and his, as sleep claims them.


	23. Chapter 23: More

**CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE: More**

Waking slowly, she looks over and sees Rick packing. The play of his muscles under his shirt intrigue her. The pull of his pants over his tight butt arouse her. Unaware of her scrutiny, he continues to fold and pack his clothes into the suitcase, the graceful motions of his body causing her heart to clench with love. This time together has been so idyllic. She's deeply in love with this man. And she wouldn't have it any other way.

"I don't want to leave." The words escape before she has time to censor them.

Looking up in surprise, Rick looks over at Kate. Still wrapped up in the sheets, she lounges on the bed, relaxed in a way he's never seen before. Unguarded, sleepy, she's stunning. His mouth goes dry just looking at her and his thoughts stutter, disjointed, as his senses overload on the vision before him.

"You don't?" he asks, hesitantly. She must be messing with him. Kate just doesn't play hooky. It's not in her nature.

"No. I don't." She says firmly. Impulsively, quickly, before she can change her mind, she continues. "Do you have to get back?"

"Are you serious?" He asks, hope in his voice.

"Yeah. I am." With a little twinkle in her eye, she sits up, unconcerned that the sheet has slipped down to her waist. Completely comfortable in her skin, she watches him, waiting for his answer.

Hesitating, considering, he mentally reviews his schedule. There's nothing urgent. He can move a few things around. Suddenly realizing what she's asking for, he smiles. She wants to spend more time with him. Alone. Away from everyone. Now that's something he can get behind.

Before he can answer, he sees a mischievous twinkle in her eye as she begins running her hands around her breasts, teasing herself, and him, a little taste of what she has in mind for some of their time together.

Momentarily distracted, he watches her, caught up in her actions, ready to join her. He almost forgets their conversation. Belatedly realizing she's still waiting for his answer, he responds. "No. I uh, I don't have to get back right away." Anything he had scheduled can wait forever as far as he's concerned. "But what about you. Aren't you scheduled to work?"

Watching him watching her, she continues to languidly play with her body as she continues the conversation, the husky tone of her voice and pebbled nipples giving away her arousal, her need. "I have some time coming to me. I've already taken the last couple of days. What's a few more?" she asks, a quirk of her eyebrow.

"Okay. I'll change our flight. When do you want to go back?"

"Let's make it Monday. I want this time with you." Kicking off the covers, she continues to tease and arouse them both with her actions, the predatory gleam in her eye causing an answering rush in his loins.

Holding up his hand in a stop motion, he picks up the phone, momentarily closing his eyes while he jumps on the chance to prolong their trip.

"Hi. This is Richard Castle. Yes, I'll hold."

Left in limbo, he turns back to her, mind racing with the possibilities, already planning ways to spoil and indulge her. Watching him watching her, Kate deliberately, slowly, trails one hand down her chest and over her stomach, while still playing with her nipple with her other hand. Spreading her legs, she lets out a little moan as her fingers separate her folds, drawing moisture up and over her clit as she begins circling it, deliberately pleasuring herself for him.

Flushing, aroused, he takes a step towards her. "What? Oh yeah. Hi. Um, this is Richard Castle. I'd, um, I'd like to extend our stay until Monday." Pausing, he waits. "Great. Thank you."

Hurriedly tossing the phone into the cradle, he shucks his shirt as he moves to the bed and hastily discards his pants, almost tripping as he rushes over to Kate, eager to get in on the action.

"Nuh-uh." She shakes her head as he reaches out to her, stopping him in his tracks. "Do you know how many times over the past few years I woke up aching for you?" she begins, eyes locked on his, her playful, teasing mood catching his attention. The low, husky tone of her voice sends shivers down his spine. Carefully not touching her, he sits on the bed next to her, so close he can feel the heat coming off her body, as he watches her, unbearably aroused.

"I'd lie in bed and think about you, wanting your hands on me, touching me, just like this." With a soft moan, she pinches her nipple harder while her other hand continues to work her clit, circling, sliding, arousing her further, her hips setting up a little rhythm as she gets more into what she's doing. A pink flush spreads over her torso and chest as her excitement grows.

"I'd imagine your hands on me, your thick fingers stroking me, filling me." Eyes heavy with desire, voice husky, she confesses. "I'd wonder just how you looked…what you tasted like….what you'd feel like….your hands and your tongue on me...your cock...hot and hard...inside me. I'd wonder how big you were. What it would feel like to have you stretch and fill me. I wanted you so badly back then. At night I'd spend hours thinking about you, about us, doing this. I'd get myself off as I'd wonder if you'd take me standing over my desk...or yours...and imagine how it would feel to have you pounding into me, your breath hot on my neck as you fucked me from behind. Or what it would feel like to have you go down on me, your mouth hot and open against me, the feel of your fingers inside of me as your tongue worked me and brought me to a climax. And I wanted so badly to feel you. To touch you through your pants, feel you grow hard in my hand before I opened your pants and went down on you in the stairwell. I'd imagine the feel your cock hot and heavy in my hand, and I'd open up and suck you deep inside of me, testing your length, feeling you at my mercy, wanting to taste your salty flavor as I suck you off. I had so many fantasies about us. I wanted to climb on top of you and ride you hard, take you inside my body and feel my breasts in your mouth. I could almost feel you pushing up into me, filling me. And how it would feel to be dominated by you. To feel you pushing me into the mattress, pounding into me. I wanted you everywhere I looked. Up against the wall. In the bath, the shower, the elevator. I wanted to fuck you hard and fast. To take you without mercy, and be taken. And to make love with you, gently, drawing it out, spending hours in bed with you, exploring your body while you explored mine. If you can imagine it, I wanted to do it. With you. And now that I've had you, I can't get enough of you. I'm never gonna stop."

Drawn in by her words, unbearably aroused, he moves closer. As she spoke, Rick unconsciously began touching himself, running his hand up and down his cock, eyes locked on her, seduced by her words, hypnotized by the vision of Kate pleasuring herself, mind spinning with fantasies of all the ways he wants her, latching onto her fantasies and making them his own. Never in his wildest dreams could he have pictured her like this, with him, sharing her most intimate thoughts about them. Wanting everything at once, dying to touch her, feel her, he waits, letting her control the moment.

"But no matter how hard I tried, no matter how many times I satisfied myself, there was something I couldn't do."

Fingers working feverishly now, body on the brink of explosion, she looks at him, as she watches and waits, unbearably aroused by the sight of him working himself with his hand, his cock bobbing in time to his movements. She sees he's getting worked up, the flush on his face as he watches her betraying him even as he pays more attention to what she's doing than his own pleasure. Somehow, laying herself bare in the full light of day while she masturbates in front of him, sharing her fantasies with him, feels more intimate than anything they've done before. Inexorably drawn in by him, she's compelled to bare herself to him completely, emotionally, physically, mentally. She can't hold back any more and feels her first orgasm hit her as she watches him, drawn to share this with him, wanting him to see how even the idea of being with him satisfies her.

"What's that?" he finally asks, belatedly realizing she is waiting for his response, that she's confessing something more that she needs from him.

"I couldn't be you. My fingers weren't enough. My fantasies weren't enough. I need you. Come here, Rick. Touch me."

Removing her fingers from her core, she brings them to his mouth, where he sucks them in, gently licking them, the erotic play of his tongue over her fingers exquisite torture, the taste of her pulling a moan of desire from him. "I want you, Rick. Only you." Pulling him in on top of her, she moans in delight as she feels the soft friction of his chest hair against her overly sensitive breasts, even as she instinctively opens her legs and aligns her body to his, the hot pulse of his arousal bobbing against her causing her body to clench in anticipation.

"You're killing me." He manages to groan out, before leaning over, his mouth nipping and biting on its journey towards her mouth. Reaching his destination, he seals his mouth to hers even as he holds himself against her carefully, wanting to prolong everything. Plundering her mouth, he groans as he tastes her musky flavor, tongues tangling, undone by her. The dance of her fingers along his cock pull another groan from him. Unerringly, his fingers find her, lightly teasing, tracing her seam, gently rubbing her clit. Mimicking her earlier movements, he sends her up and over in a heartbeat, her body already primed and ready as he swallows the moan that tears from her.

"You know what else you couldn't do?" he murmurs softly, knowing she'll give him anything, let him do anything. "This."

Moving south, spreading her legs wide, his fingers lightly play along her thighs as he settles in and latches onto her. Tongue working her furiously, he plunges two fingers into her, teasing out her g spot as he suckles and nibbles at her slick core. Her body bucks uncontrollably, the feel of his thick fingers filling her, stroking her, driving her higher and higher as he works her furiously. The sloppy rhythm of her hips betrays just how far gone she is. Humming with satisfaction as she squirms beneath him, he ruthlessly drives her into another climax. Her body's on fire as she grinds against him, her nerves overly sensitized by everything he's doing, unwilling and unable to stop the flood of sensations through her, she lets go, taking everything he's offering. It's never been like this. Her body is so responsive and primed she can almost come on command. Lost in pleasure, she rides the sensations mindlessly.

"More." She pleads. "I need you. All of you."

Scooting up onto his knees even as he continues to pleasure her, he sucks on her clit hard once, twice, flicking it with his tongue. He feels her body clenching his fingers in response, her orgasm continuing to flow around him. Unable to resist any longer, he postures up and spreads her legs wide. Lost in her gaze, equally mindless with need, he rams himself home, impaling her.

"Oh God. Yes. Don't stop!" she manages to stutter out, everything in her reaching for him, responding to him. Unable to hold back any longer, he begins pounding into her, driven mad by the silky feel of her wrapped around him, the feel of her hands clutching his ass and pulling him into her with every thrust driving him on. He's locked tightly inside of her, a willing prisoner as they ride the storm together, giving and taking with every fiber of their being before he explodes, a heated rush filling her. Her body writhes in ecstasy, as she clamps down on him in an orgasm so intense its almost painful. Feeling like she's on the verge of passing out, she clutches at him, holding him tightly to her, her heart racing in time with his. She never wants to let go. The feel of his body crushing her into the bed adds to the intense feelings of satisfaction racing through her, the pleasure so intense she won't move for hours if given a choice.

Chest heaving, sweat dribbling down his back, Rick's arms shake with the effort of holding himself up even a little, trying not to crush her as his system overloads with the feel and taste of her around him. Shaken to his core, the most intense feelings he's ever experienced race through him. Undone by her, he tries to get himself under control, relaxing his body into hers bit by bit as he rebuilds his shattered emotions, overwhelmed with love. Opening his eyes, he seeks out her gaze, stunned into silence by their coupling. His eyes latch onto hers, silently communicating that she's everything to him. A soft smile plays at the corner of her mouth as she watches him. Eyes soft with love for him, she reaches up and pulls his mouth to hers, kissing him gently, softly, lovingly.

"I love you." Soft kisses reassure him even as her hands soothe him, softly rubbing up and down his back, letting him know he's safe, loved. "You're amazing." she murmurs between kisses, the intimacy they've created together driving her to speak. "So amazing. I love you." Repeating herself, sweet nothings perfuming the air as she cuddles and soothes him, she lets her emotions run free, unable to stop touching him and telling him how she feels.

Recovering slowly, amazed, overwhelmed, wrapped in her love, he rolls them gently to the side, cuddling her into him, looking deep in her eyes, everything she's feeling exposed to his gaze. Softly, tenderly, he speaks. Words which usually flow so easily come slowly in the moment. Finally, reverently, he tells her, "I love you, Kate."

Tracing her hand along his jaw, she kisses him again, slowly. "I know, Rick. You're amazing. We're amazing. Better than I could ever imagine. I don't want this to ever end."

"Me neither." Kissing her again, he pulls her in even closer. Softly, bravely, he tells her his deepest desire, the words pulled from him, laced with emotion, a heartfelt confession. "I want to marry you, Kate. I want to be yours forever."

Slowly, surely, a brilliant smile creeps over her face, as she looks him deep in the eyes. "I'd like that."


	24. Chapter 24: Really?

**CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR: Really?**

"Did you mean it?" he asks, hands clutching her hips tightly enough to bruise, eyes searching hers, caution and hope mingling in his gaze. Just as his heart had started to settle it races again. The words slipped out. He didn't mean to ask. And he can't believe she's not running for the door or freaking out. Did she really just say yes?

She can feel every muscle in his body tense, braced for a blow. The feel of him gripping her hips is almost painful. But it's the expression of stunned disbelief warring with joy that has her reaching for him again, needing to reassure him. "What do you mean, did I mean it? she asks, caution and outrage mixing to bring forth a tentative reaffirmation.

Eyes searching his, heart racing, she instinctively pulls him closer, snuggling her body into his even as she keeps her eyes locked on his. Gulping heavily, he nods his head slightly. "Yeah. I didn't mean to say it, not like this…but yeah, I meant it."

"So did I. If you're asking, I'm answering. Yes." Reaching up, she pulls him in for a long, slow kiss, her heart overflowing with the feelings racing through her. The intensity of their earlier activities pale in comparison to the emotions rushing through her now. He wants to marry her! Hands trembling now, tears building behind her eyes, her voice shakes as she tells him, gently, firmly, "I love you, Rick. I want to be with you. I can't imagine being with anyone else. So yes. I'll marry you."

A huge grin takes over his face as tears spring to his eyes. Pulling her in tightly, he wraps his arms around her, laughing and hugging her tightly in return. He confesses, "I've been thinking asking you every night since our first night, Kate. I've known even before we were really together. You're it for me. I think its pretty obvious….I'm so in love with you….I just didn't want to push too hard or too fast."

Chuckling a little, she admits "That's because you know me so well. You scare me, Rick. I love who I am when I'm with you, but this scares me. The thing is, I'm more scared of being without you now than of being with you. It's not easy for me to admit this, but I need you in my life. You make everything…better."

"You too." Pulling back, he caresses her face with his hand, tracing the gentle lines of her jaw, pushing her hair behind her ear, his touch soothing and reverent. "You're so beautiful, Kate. I love everything about you…."

Ducking her head shyly, still uncomfortable with compliments, she swallows nervously. Capturing his hand with her own, she squeezes it gently before taking his face in her hands, cradling his jaw. Planting a soft kiss on his mouth she pulls back and swallows nervously, eyes searching his. "Um, don't take this the wrong way, Rick, but…can we just keep this between us for now? I want this. I want you…obviously, but I don't want to rush us. I feel so certain about us, but I want to enjoy the journey. Do you know what I mean?"

Pulling back, a hooded expression on his face, he nods his head gently, a tender expression on his face. "Yeah. I understand." Climbing out of bed, he turns his back to her. The tense lines of his back and butt distract her momentarily, even as her heart clutches, certain she's hurt him. He says the right things, but watching him root in his suitcase for his clothing, she's certain her words have bruised him. Wanting to undo the damage her words have caused, she starts to get up, to plead with him.

"Rick. Don't. Come talk to me. Come here..."

Turning to her, a look of surprise crosses his face. Advancing on her, she sees he has something clutched in his hand.

"Shh…no. No. It's okay. That's not it. I didn't do this right Kate." Dropping a quick kiss on her mouth, he drops to one knee before her as he seeks out her gaze. "Kate. I love you. You mean everything to me. And I will wait for you as long as you want me to. But right now, I need you to know. You are the light in my world. You make every day better and every night sweeter. I can't imagine my life without you in it. I'm a better man when you're with me." Fumbling now, he opens a ring box and takes out the most gorgeous diamond ring she's ever seen. Holding it out to her between his thumb and index finger, he looks at her with he tears in his eyes, emotions lacing his voice. "I love you Kate. I want you to have this. You can wear it when you want or not wear it if you don't want to. But please, Kate, I've been holding this for you for a long time. Let me ask you again, the right way. Will you marry me?"

Tears streaming down her face, she nods her head. "Yes, Rick. Yes. I will. Oh my God. It's stunning Rick." Holding her hand out, fingers shaking, she smiles through her tears. "I'd be honored to wear it, Rick."

Watching him intensely, eyes locked on his, he slides the ring onto the ring finger of her left hand, the cold platinum of the band warming as it settles into place, a perfect fit. Clutching her hand tightly, he leans in to kiss her, softly, tenderly, worshiping her mouth with his. Unable to hold herself back any longer, emotions racing through her, she springs forward, tackling him to the ground, her mouth leading the charge as she embraces him, tears of joy streaming down her cheeks. "What did I ever do to deserve you?" she asks. "God, I love you so much."

Pulling back, she looks back down at the ring, the sparkle of the diamonds catching the light as she props her hand on his shoulder for balance. She stares at the symbol on her finger before bringing her gaze back to his. Peppering him with kisses, she tells him brokenly. "When we're together, away from work, I will proudly wear this ring. To be honest, I never want to take it off." The beautiful smile she bestows on him has him reaching for her again. "But at work, Rick, and at other times, I don't want to jeopardize it and risk losing it or damaging it when I'm at work. Would it bother you if I add it to the chain with my mom's ring and wear it close to my heart instead? It's where I carry you every day anyway…"

Nodding his head, he postures up towards her, his voice husky with emotion. "I'd like that Kate. You don't have to wear it if you don't want to. But I'd be honored if you keep it with your mom's ring."

Rolling her over onto her back, he leans down and kisses her again, his hands moving across her body with purpose now before reaching up to clasp hers tightly, bringing them up to rest on each side of her head. "Now. If you don't mind, I'd like to make love to my fiancée…."

"Mmm…you have the best ideas…."


	25. Chapter 25: Revelations

**CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE: Revelations**

"So just how long have you had this?" Kate asks, admiring the diamonds glittering on her finger.

Blushing, uncomfortable now, Rick deflects. "Awhile."

"Really, Rick? How long is awhile."

"Uh, I don't know, awhile." Clearly uncomfortable, he squirms under the intensity of her gaze.

Intrigued now, her idle curiousity turns avid. "Come on, Rick, why so shy all of a sudden?"

"You really want to know this?"

"Yeah. I really do." With a teasing note, she asks, "When did you decide you wanted to marry me?"

"When did I decide or when did I buy the ring?"

"Wait. Weren't those two things around the same time?"

"Not exactly."

"All right. Spill. Just when did you make all of these decisions."

"Promise you won't get mad, Kate."

"Why would I get mad?" puzzled now, she looks at him. "All right, Castle. Quit stalling. I want to know what's going on here."

Sighing, resigned, he agrees. "Fine. I've known for years that you were different, special. I think I've been in love with you since almost the first. That can't be news to you."

"There's no way, Rick. We hardly knew each other. There's no way you were in love with me back then."

At the look of disbelief on her face, he nods, a rueful smile on his face. "I know what you're thinking. Back then it was definitely lust. I wanted you from the start. But that wasn't all I was feeling. After we started working together and I got to know you better, I was intrigued. The more I knew, the more I wanted to know. I find you endlessly fascinating. It wasn't such a big step to go from lust to like to love. I knew by the time my first novel was published. You have to know that on some level."

Shy now, a little overwhelmed, Kate looks at him. "Really? I always thought you were just pursuing me because I said no. You really had feelings for me that far back?"

"Yeah. And I knew you didn't feel the same way. But I didn't realize how far gone I was until that case with Kyra. Somehow, seeing her made me realize how much I'd changed. She'll always have a place in my heart. But she couldn't hold a candle to you. I yearned for how easy it had been with her, but I wanted more than what she could ever have offered me. My feelings back then were simple, but they were the feelings of a boy. I'd grown up when I saw her again. And I knew she wasn't what I wanted or needed. I knew then that if I ever got married again, it was you. You were the one. I wanted to marry you. I felt so much more for you than I'd ever felt for her and I hadn't even kissed you. And I never thought I'd get the chance."

"But we weren't even dating back then. I'd just gotten used to you trailing after me. I couldn't stand you at first, Rick. Well, if I'm being honest, I wanted you, but that was just physical. I couldn't imagine anything other than a quick tumble with you. And I don't do quick tumbles, which left us nowhere."

"I knew you wanted me!"

"Really? That's what you heard? Rick, it was during that case that I realized there might be a lot more to you than I'd given you credit for! She was so different than anyone else you'd been with, it made me wonder if I'd seriously misjudged you."

"Admit it, Kate. You were jealous of Kyra."

"I was not!" blushing now, she squirms under his gaze.

"You were so jealous of her! I could tell, Kate. It's what made me think maybe I'd have a chance with you. It was the only thing that kept me going back then. I had almost given up hope that we'd ever go anywhere until I saw your reaction to her. That's what made me think maybe you had feelings for me, even if you couldn't admit it."

Quiet now, Kate looks at him. "I don't know Rick. You may be right. I was so confused back then. You don't know how hard it was for me to admit to myself that I had feelings for you even a few months ago. Back then, I could see possibilities for us. But I didn't know what they were or whether I was even capable of a relationship. Heck, I'm not sure I even fully understood just how deeply my feelings are for you until just recently. I just knew I couldn't keep denying that we had something. I needed to know what it was. But that's not what you were telling me. You were supposed to be telling me when you picked this out." Looking down at her ring, she looks at it for a minute, admiring the flash of light as it plays over the diamonds before looking back at Rick. "So give. What's the story behind this?"

"Remember when your apartment blew up?"

"How could I forget."

"Yeah. When I was standing on the street looking up at the smoke pouring out of your windows, I felt like my whole world had collapsed. Everything was a blur. All I could think of was I had to get to you. I had to know. Life couldn't be that cruel and take you from me. Then, when I found you inside, and you were okay, I could breathe again. I felt like I'd been given a second chance. Later, I found your dad's watch in the wreckage and I knew you'd want it. I knew how much it meant to you. I wanted to give you something because you'd lost so much. So I took it to this jeweler I know. And while I was there, I saw the ring. It was a custom piece and he had just finished making it. And I knew. I knew right then that it was the one. It was everything you are. Bold. Multi-faceted. Surrounded by strength. With a strong foundation. Stunningly beautiful. And when the light hits it, it shines so brightly you can't help but get drawn in. It just felt right. He said he didn't normally make custom pieces unless they were commissioned, but he couldn't get this design out of his head so he went ahead and made it. He knew it was meant for someone special. When I told him why I wanted it, he agreed to sell it. I bought it on the spot. And I've had it ever since."

"I don't know what to say Rick. I don't know how you knew, back then, that we'd ever get to this point."

"I didn't know. I had to have faith. That's what the ring meant to me then. It represented everything I wanted for us. And my hope that we would one day get there. There've been times I've cursed myself for getting it and others that I've felt like the smartest man in the world. This ring has gotten me through so many things. Because it represents you and me."

"Really? Like what?"

"Okay. When Maddie said you wanted to have my babies, I felt like a genius for having the ring."

"Uh…" blushing furiously, she looks at him. "You realize Maddie said that, not me, right?"

"Yeah. And she knows you better than anyone. You were so thrown by it and I could tell you didn't want me having dinner with her. I figured maybe I wasn't so stupid after all for buying the ring. That maybe it was meant to be…..But then there was Demming. And that made me feel like a complete idiot. I thought about getting rid of it. I couldn't believe I told him there wasn't anything between us."

"Wait. You told Tom what?"

"Uh. That's not the point."

"Castle! What did you tell him?"

"Well, uh, he asked if you and I were together. And we weren't, even though I wanted us to be. So I told him the truth. And then I told him his path was clear, even though I really didn't want him anywhere near you. And I so regretted it when you started seeing him, but I didn't think I had the right to interfere."

"I can't believe you did that! What were you thinking? That I needed your permission to date?"

"No. No! It wasn't like that. He asked and I answered. I knew I had no claim on you. But I really wanted one."

"If you were so interested, so committed to the idea of us, why did you take up with Gina?"

"What does Gina have to do with this?"

"What does she have to do with this? You ask me to go to the Hamptons with you and then just when I'm about to tell you I want to go with you she shows up and you head off arm in arm! I'd say she has a lot to do with this."

"Wait. What? You were going to say yes? How did I not know this?"

"What was I supposed to do, Rick. We're standing in the hall talking. I'd just broken up with Demming and she shows up and you tell me how great you're getting along and she's going to spend the summer with you. I felt like such a fool. I felt like I'd been sucker punched!"

"You broke up with Demming then? Why didn't you tell me. God Kate, I couldn't stand the thought of you with him. I was miserable. I wish I'd known. Gina was a rebound! I felt so hopeless when I heard you making plans with him. I thought I'd lost you. I didn't feel so alone knowing she was going with me, even though I knew it wasn't right. I almost got rid of the ring then, but I kept it with me and I'd take it out and look at it when I was feeling particularly low. I kept clinging to the hope that some day maybe I could give it to you. If I'd known then, I never would have taken her with me. I wanted it to be you…"

"I don't know. I don't know if we would have made it back then."

"It wasn't that long ago. But I agree, we weren't ready – well, you weren't anyway. I was so ready to be with you. And then when Natalie Rhodes was in the precinct and you asked why I didn't sleep with you, I knew. Even though you were with Josh, I knew that you had feelings with me. You seemed so hurt that I'd reject you. I knew then I was meant to keep it for you. There were so many times in the last year I'd pull the ring out of the box and imagine all the different ways I could propose to you. But I couldn't even get you to go out with me. But that ring gave me hope. It taunted me, but it gave me hope."

"I don't think I'll ever be able to just look at this ring the same way Rick. Knowing all of this, it makes me feel a little ridiculous for how long it took me to catch up. I had no idea that you felt this way for so long. I can't believe you waited for me. You could have anyone…."

"No, Kate. I couldn't. You're the only one. You've been the only one for a long time. Nobody else compares."

"So, what, you've been carrying this around all these years?"

"Sometimes. It was in my safe a lot. But whenever I'd go out of town, I'd take it with me. It made me feel close to you. And then when we started this…well, I've had it with me a lot more. I've had a few bad moments when I thought you were going to discover it and freak out. But I've wanted it close. I knew I'd find the right time. I meant to do this differently…."

"No. I'm glad it worked out this way. It was perfect, Rick. I love how this worked out. And I love knowing this about you."


End file.
